2009

2008 is coming to a close. Naturally we look ahead to 2009. I look ahead to a year of growth. I don't want to get caught up in "New Year's Resolutions" that are destined to fail and make me feel like a failure. But I have several things we can call goals that I would like to set and work on. Last year I said I wanted to read more. I didn't set an amount or a regiment, I just wanted to make a generalized effort to read more. I did. I plan to do the same this year with these 5 goals.

1)Drink more water..... I don't have a set amount or schedule set up for this. I just want to drink more water. I have already incorporated this and it has led to multiple restroom visits in the middle of the night so I need to modify it a bit. For instance, I should keep most of the water consumption earlier in the day.

2)Quit agreeing with my brother....Prior to this season for the Cavs, we both concurred that the Cavs season could go the way of Daniel "Boobie" Gibson. We felt as though he brought energy and shoots well from long range which would stretch defenses. So far this year, Boobie has stunk it up but the Cavs have dominated and none of it has anything to do with Gibson at all. He has been a non factor. We were dead wrong. So no more crazy predictions from me the bro.

3)Be more positive......yeah, right. I say this every two months and never follow through. See? There's that old reliable negative thinking of mine. There's a couple things in the world you can count on...Cleveland sports choking or self-destructing and my negativity. But we are going to try this again. I am going to try to be more positive.

4)Say No....I plan to work on saying no more often and standing up for myself respectfully. I have plenty of anger to work on. I want to take it out on others. But I would like to do that in a calm, reasonable manner. I don't plan to insult and fight people, but I plan to say something when they bother me.

5)Exercise again....I had a good rhythm going earlier this year and stopped after we packed up the treadmill. With the sale of the house on hold, I plan to get back into the regular exercise routine.

So these are my 5 goals. They may change. They may not be accomplished. But they will give me direction to grow in 2009.

2008 In Review....Part 2

SUMMER
The summer began with much expectation. The time off for my wife and I was dearly needed. The warm weather was going to help with all of the life changes we were about to make. I managed to make it out with some friends to check out Hanzel Und Gretyl at Skully's in Columbus, Ohio. It was a the first time in about a decade that I was able to see them live. The show was awesome and I loved every minute of it.

Tiger Woods and Rocco Mediate played an extremely entertaining and exciting U.S. Open solidifying my interest in golf.....as long as Tiger is playing. The Indians played through a lackluster season continuing my expectations of the descent of my teams from a stellar yet championshipless 2007. I continued through mediocre seasons in softball although my play was far below mediocre. The Celtics won the NBA Title adding to my anger towards Boston fan. But the Cavs signed a key free agent in the offseason in Mo Williams who would fill a dying need. Also, Ferry managed to work his magic in the draft to get a couple of key big men that show a lot of promise if they can develop enough in time.

My family dealt with a tragedy and I blogged about the grieving I went through. I was able to move on and grow from the experience but the effects of that event are still manifesting themselves in subtle actions and much of my thinking. While I repeat the steps that led to that horrific experience, I can't help but fall back to those feelings and deal with much of the fear and paranoia that is still present as a result.

With the residue of that experience still around, my wife and I put one foot in front of the other (actually two feet since there was two of us) and tried to celebrate our first anniversary with a trip to West Virginia. It was a nice little trip together where we enjoyed some couple time. We also decided it was time to really push to get the house ready for the market and move into a house that would truly be ours. We felt like we were still living in the past with the current house. So we began the process of fixing the countless little problems with the house and trying to improve the look. I almost lost my mind due to frustration from my lack of Mr. Fix-it skills.
In between the the home improvements I made a trip out to Evanston with my dad to help move my brother's family from one apartment to another. It was a cool weekend to share with the men of my immediate family moving furniture, eating some good barb-b-que and sampling the campus hang outs. Doug was able to show us around and let us peek into his life a little bit.

Just as we put the house on the market and witnessed the cats' stubborn resistance to all the change, I left for Las Vegas to celebrate my good friend's upcoming marriage. I left for Los Angeles to meet two other good friends who also were contributing to the Vegas bachelor party and began a week of good times with good people creating memories that we will relive for a long time.

When I returned, it was back to the grind. School was ready to begin the house was on the market. Football season was ready to start and I finished my first year in a new fantasy baseball league in a very respectable second place. The school routine was back up and running. At the same time the presidential election was heating up and I began to blog more and more about my political views and my hopes for the future.

AUTUMN
Ohio State lost in embarrassing fashion to a superior USC team. It reinforced my fears that OSU was overrated and over hyped. There was very little if anything to realistically take from the game as positive. The weak schedule only gave Penn State as an opportunity to redeem our reputation but while that game was hard fought and showed some glimpse of hope, we lost that one too and went on to beat teams we should be including bitter rival, Michigan who had one of their worst seasons ever under new coach Rich Rodriquez.

The Browns looked absolutely horrible and quit more often than not. They mailed in the last 1/3 of the season after it was obviously a lost cause. "Romeo must go," I kept saying before the season. 2007 was fool's gold in more ways than one and was probably a really bad thing. 2008 proved me right.

The Cavs on the other hand came out guns blazin'! Since you don't win NBA titles in December, the 25-4 start means absolutely NOTHING!!!! It is a good sign. It has been fun to watch. But it will be interesting to see if they maintain such a rate of success.

I was able to take a trip out to Evanston, Illinois again. This time it was to watch my Ohio State Buckeyes dominate a solid Northwestern team. It was cold. Oh so cold. But it was a fun weekend with my brother and his wife's family. Anytime I can catch the Buckeyes on the road and knock out another Big Ten stadium, I am happy.

My wife and sister-in-law and I ventured out to see Trent Reznor, better known as Nine Inch Nails, play a show in Columbus. The visual effects were outstanding. He had an interactive screen at times behind him and at other times in front of him. It was pretty cool and creative. He played an ok set. There was a bit much of his instrumental slow stuff but he doesn't seem to be as angry as he once was. I guess money will do that for you right?

Obama was elected president of the United States promising change and giving hope of unity and improved pride in ourselves and country. In the end it will be up to us to make any effective changes. My hope has been that Obama will be charismatic enough to lead the change and motivate us to make the right kind of changes. But as I obsess over 2012 and armageddon, I worry that Obama may be the antichrist. I have problems.

Basically, this is where I stand right now. 2008 wasn't my best years. I still think it wasn't my worst either. I have a lot of changes I need to make in the way I behave and think. I am working on that. What happened in 2008 has led me to these things. So maybe 2008, while being difficult at the time, will prove to be a year that led to better things and much needed growth.

Year In Review 2008...Part One

As we wrap up another year, I am taking some time to reflect on the happenings on both a macro and micro scale. There were historic events we all experienced together and there were some personal occurrences that shaped who I am individually. There was the good, the bad and the ugly. Hopefully, I can accurately review them here.

WINTER
I began 2008 with the genesis of this blog. I played around with the blog section of my myspace profile prior to 2008. After following my buddy's blogs a bit and following the encouragement and lead of my sister-in-law who also entered the blogosphere, I began this enjoyable experience of sharing what goes on in my head. While I used Comoprozac's Living in Misery and my sister-in-law's DailyLiving (now Nurturing Self) as models, I wanted to keep this true to myself and my personality. I enjoy variety so I have intended to keep my topics on this blog varied. It is focused and may seem to be all over the place, but I am very pleased with what I have done here. I have thoroughly enjoyed the conversations generated through this blog without having to bother people with mass email threads.

I began with numerous philosophical observations and views but it didn't take long for me to voice my opinion on my true passion: sports. January began with my beloved Ohio State Football Buckeyes losing another BCS Title Game to an SEC team in embarrassing fashion. Chants of "overrated" rang across the nation. But that's ok. We had a ton of returning seniors and a match up with USC in the beginning of the year to shut everybody up. Sigh.

Fresh off that depressing loss, I felt the realization of opportunity lost. My teams has just finished an exciting 2007 with no championships to show for it. The Buckeyes has two title appearances in the span of a calendar year for football. The men's cagers were in the championship. The women's basketball team had success, the men's soccer team was in the final four. The Columbus Destroyers were in the Arena Bowl. The Cleveland Indians were one game away from the World Series. Even the Cleveland Browns were a smoke and mirrors 10-6. The Cleveland Cavaliers were in the NBA Finals.

But no trophies or rings.

So I figured 2008 would mark the beginning of the descent. The Browns followed through on their part. So did the Destroyers and Indians. The Buckeyes were able to get the men's basketball team a NIT Title (which means 66th place) and the football team into another BCS game (the Fiesta Bowl surprise, surprise) but both are considered disappointing in Columbus. We have set higher standards. But the Cavaliers are ending 2008 with real evidence that their descent may only be a dip before the rise. We still have too much season ahead to make any claims of success and a band of Celtics in the way.

But my blog began with more than opinions on my sports interests. I spent much of the early posts reflecting on my stances and thoughts on my spirituality and different moral topics. I used this venue as an arena to work on myself and express my thoughts in an effort to initiate discussion and acquire varying points of view to shape and reshape my own. It has definitely been a success as I continue to develop my ideas of the metaphysical.

The winter months brought plenty of snow days which was a joy. I thought about how Exxon made record profits in the earlier year and how Snoop Dogg was suddenly appearing on Larry King to discuss topics so far removed from what made him famous. He would speak of pimpin', using and selling drugs and glorified the trashy treatment of women to sell millions of dollars worth of records. Now he is speaking to Larry King about fatherhood and politics and what not. Meanwhile, gas prices continued to skyrocket and lead these oil companies like Exxon to record profits. But that was just the beginning of the frustration we would feel in regards to the economy in this country.

SPRING
Spring brought The Master's, March Madness, Spring Training and Opening day, The NFL Draft, a big Cavs trade with a run at the playoffs, an NIT championship, and improvement in the weather. The Cavs made a monster trade ridding themselves of Drew Gooden, Larry Hughes et al to acquire Delonte (Delmonte Best) West, Wally Szczerbiak, (Big) Ben Wallace, and Joe (Hard Hat) Smith. The major component of this trade was the expiring contracts of the new guys along with the potential of West. Plus, it was nice to get rid of the inconsistency that Gooden and Laura Hughes brought to the table. After the season ended and I began to look towards the future, I was well aware that any number of those four would be gone sooner than later but I was curious how things would have been or could be if that group had a whole season to build chemistry and find their role on the team. More on this later.

I also took a trip to Chicago to visit my brother and sister-in-law and nephews. My brother and I headed downtown to the United Center to check out our Cleveland Cavaliers as they lost a game to the Chicago Bulls. Despite the loss, it was a good time. We took a couple shots outside before the game to win some prizes.

I was also able to get some one on two time with the nephews allowing the parents some time to go shopping for the boys. I may have father experience but not with twins. PHEW! God bless them! But it was very cool. I look forward to more chances in the future to hang out with the EZ brothers.

My wife and I settled into her pregnancy. And looked forward to ending another school year. The push for the OAT hit full speed and our students made their way through another standardized test that would ultimately determine our success as teachers. Once again, they failed miserably. My grade level managed to make gains yet again (every year since 2004), but not enough to make AYP or average yearly progress requirements set by the Bush administration within No Child Left Behind to rid ourselves of the "YOUR TEACHER SUCKS" label. So despite our efforts and stress, we both ended the 2007-2008 as bad teachers, failures of teachers.

Nice. I love this job.

Softball began and I thought I would share my progress with you all but quickly decided to pass on that as I stunk it up. I was never able to get it going in either league I played in. Unfortunately, my Westerville team had much of the same problem as a whole. Our bats were silent throughout most of the season. In Hilliard, we were much more competitive despite a move to a tougher league. We managed to stay .500 and snuck in the playoffs just to go out in the first round....again. But playing in two leagues was fun. I hope to do it again.

May brought the passing of my grandmother. She was ready to go. The time was right. She lived a long, fruitful life. While it was hard to say goodbye, I felt very good about my time with her. I looked back on my dad's trip to Europe with my brother and sister for his birthday two years earlier. During that time I spent a good bit of time with my grandmother. I would check in for my dad since he couldn't. I was able to take my daughter a couple times as well. This was a very valuable time for me because I knew it was my chance to "say goodbye" without the sadness of really watching her leave. At the time of her death, I drew on this experience to help me say goodbye. It still hurt, but I think I was able to avoid any feelings of disappointment or opportunity lost.

The day I heard of her death I was in the middle of negotiating my neighbors' acquisition of my garden bricks with tears pouring from my eyes. I quickly packed up my car and drove up to my dad's house to be with him for the initial grieving. Part of my trip was for him, but most of it was for me. I recalled my divorce when he came down and said he would be there to do whatever I wanted to feel better whether it was drink as much beer as I wanted and have him drive me home or just peak in on my daughter at school and take her trick or treating. We chose the trick or treating. I thought I would do the same for him this time.

So we made our way to the nearest local bar for some comfort food and foreign beers. We made it home long before last call but spent the night reliving our time with and memories of B, my grandmother. We looked at old pictures, we read her numerous works of literature and poetry. We sang, listened to music, laughed, cried and made our way across the whole spectrum of emotion. I think it was good for both of us.

The trip to Alabama was sad as we mourned the loss of B, but comforting as we were able to see the places of her early life and spend time with family we hadn't seen for a long time and sadly may never see again. We were able to get a true peak into her life before we came along. We also met people who had so much admiration for my grandmother. So many people showed up and paid their respects to this articulate, funny, energetic, kind, warm, intellectual and strong, independent woman at a time that was hard for women to be so. The trip was a bonding experience for me with my father, sister, brother, uncle Paul and Aunt Gina. It also gave some satisfaction towards that part of my life. I first thought to write closure, but that wouldn't be accurate. Alabama and my heritage will always be a part of me. I would like to keep Alabama safely in a place in my heart.

I will review more of 2008 in my next post.

Strike One to Obama

I voted for Barack Obama. I do not regret that vote. But I do regret falling for the hope that he was going to back up what he stated in his campaign. Apparently he is no different than every other politician. I kinda knew it but didn't want to believe it.

Now I realize there are a number of seriously intricate and monumental problems he is facing. I am aware that he will not be able to follow through on all his claims. But a major reason I voted for him was his consistent message of unity. I bought into his proclamations that he would truly bring this country together regardless of party lines, race, socioeconomic status, physical abilities, gender, age, sexual preference and so on.

I find out today he chose a speaker for his inauguration who is hard core anti-gay. This minister is known for saying hateful things towards homosexuals. He preaches fear. From what I hear (I need to clarify I have not heard this person preach directly), he represents everything I dislike about religion. He reinforces my problems with the Bible. This kind of person is what pushes me away from God in the Christian sense. Now my president is calling on him to speak at his inauguration.

I think we have been down this road once before with his UCC minister who also spoke with hateful words. I didn't seem to care as much then so why do I care now? Good question. From my perspective this is the oppressor oppressing versus the oppressed fighting back. While I may disagree with the message of Reverend Wright at face value, I can almost tolerate the oppressed fighting back angle. Sometimes there is no other way to get out of oppression. But when it is the oppressor furthering their oppression as is the anti-gay message from Warren, I can't find justification to my liking.

This opinion reminds me of Malcolm X's, "by any means necessary." But I have felt the peaceful methods of Dr. King would be more successful and preferable than the more threatening methods of Malcolm X or Huey P. Newton and the Black Panthers. So I find myself contradicting myself here. I guess my point is I can understand the views of those civil rights groups that came from a more angry place than peaceful.

But I have a sore spot for this anti-gay thing. I think it is the most ridiculous and obvious breech of civil rights today and the lack of commitment by us as a nation to fix it blows my mind. The rationalizations for its defense bother me the most. I think that is where my sore spot is centered. It is tied into my disenchantment with Christianity, the Bible and religion in general. We continue to use the Bible to justify hate and discrimination. We ignore the important things the Bible tries to convey like avoiding power and greed.

So here I sit thinking about the symbolism of this selection. It contradicts an important aspect of my confidence in Obama. He isn't proving his words of unification. I also reflect on Obama's support of charter schools and vouchers and even though I knew this before and chose to overlook it, I am getting irritated.

This is still better than McCain't, but I am anticipating strike three. I am not optimistic. It is a curve ball and I was never able to hit those.

What My Daughter's Birthday Will Always Mean To Me

Seven years ago my daughter officially entered my life. It was 9:45 I believe. The instant foreshadowing went unnoticed at the time. The realization that my life was not going to be the same was completely noticed though. I spent 40 weeks and several days planning and preparing myself for this moment and life change. I have numerous regrets but I'd like to think I have fixed those mistakes or compensated for them in some way since her birth.

This post isn't about reliving my regrets and mistakes. It is about how much my daughter means to me and how much her life has changed mine as any child's changes their father. To be fair not all fathers change when their children are born. Some bolt and stubbornly refuse to change. That is an old post and probably a future one to come. Teachers like me get to pick up the pieces much of the time. But I digress.

The first moments of my daughter's life were marked with panic and worry and fear. When she was born she was "stunned." She needed to be revived. It is highly possible that this event led to many of the health and developmental problems we have encountered throughout her early life. I was "stunned" myself. Shock would be a better description. I don't remember being able to fully realize what was happening. This was the foreshadow of what was yet to come. Those scary moments of disbelief, confusion and helplessness would define 2003 and 2006.

Once the dust settled, I was able to hold her for the first time all by myself in the rocking chair, I still vividly recall the inability to take my eyes off her. It felt like the initial burst of excitement and joy when you receive the greatest gift you had ever been given after wanting it for so long. Every gift I ever received before would eventually lose its "newness" and fondness, but my daughter hasn't. To this day I still feel that giddy excitement and warmth when she is with me. I think parents can relate to what I am saying. This is something that is difficult to convey in a blog or with words.

Once you have a child your birthday becomes insignificant. My daughter's birthday shares hers with her grandfather on her mother's side. I recall how he brushed aside his birthday to keep the spotlight on her. Coming from my perspective, I have little excitement for my birthday. No urge to party. No need for gifts. The attention is nice but I don't feel any need to look for it. But when my kid's birthday draws near I find myself acting and anticipating it like I did my own growing up. This day is extremely important to me. I want her to enjoy the day and soak in the special attention every kid deserves. But I have personal stock in it as well. This day represents someone very special to me. It is a nice annual reminder of how much I care about her.

It refocuses my attention on how much I love hearing her say "daddy, wook." Or "watch me." I am reminded of all the things I don't do now because I have to be on the clock 24/7 for her. It reminds me of how glad I am to be on the clock. I can't imagine my life without her anymore.

I am blessed and lucky that she has entered my life. And while I am thankful for that everyday, I am extra thankful on her birthday.

Many friends and family have had children of their own recently. Some read this blog. I would love to hear how you guys feel about your kids' birthdays and how much you appreciate having them in your lives or what it is about them that you love so much. I know we could go on for a long time listing our favorite aspects of our kids, so maybe the BIG stuff.

An Ode To Mo

This is NOT a projection for the rest of the season. For the Karma record, I repeat, I AM NOT SAYING the Cavs will have a good season. By the time the season comes to a close I expect the Cavs to finish in the lower half of the playoff race and lose home court advantage. What I would like to do is discuss what has happened so far. I am just stating the observations I have made in regards to this team up to this point.

As of December 11, 2008 the Cavs are 19-3 and riding a 10 game win streak. They also have had an 8 game win streak this year. It is early. We have played many weak teams. The strong teams we have played have beaten us. So, why am I so excited?

I recall my post regarding my aspirations for the Cavs' postseason moves. I mentioned that part of me was curious just how the new players acquired in the massive mid season deal that brought Ben Wallace, Wally Szczerbiak, Delonte West and Joe Smith (who was later dealt in the off season) to the squad, would play if they were with the team for a full season. I was content with trading them as Ferry did with Smith and probably will do with Wally, but I couldn't help but think.

I also wrote that I wanted to re-sign both West and Gibson. I wanted a point guard. We all wanted a point guard. Every die hard, dedicated Cavs fan I associate with wanted a legit point guard. Ferry come through. He did re-sign the two guards I wanted AND he pulled in a big time PG.

One word ladies and gentlemen: Mowill! Ok, two: Mo Williams.

I was pumped to hear we acquired him but as usual, I would believe the hype when I saw it. Larry Hughes came in with similar expectations and never came close to living up to them. At this point in the season, Williams' addition to the team has created a positive domino effect that you see as far as the end of the bench.

First, the offense is completely different. Suddenly, this team moves and cuts and gets open and makes shots. Williams presents an ability to truly distribute the ball. He is able to keep possessions alive by maintaining a dribble that is under control. His shot has been pure. He gets big baskets when needed taking a ton of pressure of LeBron. You can tell he is a leader, the quarterback of the team, the coach on the floor which is just what a point guard should be. He allows West to move over to the two guard position where he has flourished. He has been shooting very well and penetrating and playing surprisingly good defense against guys bigger than him.

LeBron trusts Mo. James is also able to work off the ball and move about the baseline which frees him up and adds a tremendous amount of pressure on the opposition's defense and help James get much easier shots. We have been begging for this team to get away from the spread the floor and watch LeBron style of offense that killed every game. As a result, James is flourishing as usual and other guys are getting open looks and coming through.

All because of Williams.

Secondly, the defense has been the type of defense people keep saying Mike Brown is able to create. They are genuinely shutting people down. They all hustle, rebound, double team and help, rotate, get in passing lanes to create steals and the blocked shots in the paint are constant. It is fun to watch them squash and strangle other teams.

Also, the third quarters are a total reverse of the last couple years. They used to come out flat and lose games against weak teams because of their lackluster third quarters. Now they come out and completely dominate on both ends. They have ran away with games to a point where the end of the bench empties for the entire fourth quarter and the starters take over for the cheerleaders rooting their teammates on. We have now been able to get rookies like Darnell Jackson and J.J. Hickson some legit minutes to help prepare them for the future and allow other bench players minutes to stay fresh and ready in case of injuries which will inevitably come, especially because of this positive talk coming from me. Some negative will come about like a bad injury.

Finally, this team has developed chemistry. Like I wrote after last season, some time together could create positive synergy. It looks as though they have. They police themselves and Mike Brown even says it himself, he just plays the film and they know what to do and do it. They get on each other to keep the right mindset. They don't allow for each other to get off course. You can see they all have one goal in mind and that is to win it all and they all are gunning for that goal.

This season has been good up to now.

But seriously, I love Mo Williams...he is the reason for the success.

Lifetime Struggle

My wife loves this show called "Brothers and Sisters." I must admit I have found myself getting caught up in the story lines as well. I have never claimed to be one with valid judgements when it comes to quality music, tv, theater or any form of art, but I feel the writing is awfully good on this show.

The episode she watched today on the DVR was about one of the characters' daughter. She was only 2 years old and had liver problems due to the medication she took as a premature infant. As the story twists like any television show does these days, the father is not the biological father. To complicate things, both of his brothers donated sperm "anonymously" to help him and his wife conceive. The owner of the successful sperm was left unknown. This is important because his daughter needs a liver transplant and the donor needs to be the same blood type, or in other words, the real father. The mother did not match. So hi jinx ensued as the "real" dad was discovered along with all the surrounding drama that relates.

I bring this up because of the difficulty I had watching this whole thing. I couldn't walk away but I felt like I was getting punched in the stomach repeatedly. I was getting emotional....more emotional than I should have been I suppose, after all this is just a show and there is no question of my fatherhood. Aside: I am sorry to be so over dramatic, but I am trying to accurately depict my emotions during this experience.

There were two aspects of the show that affected me in such an intense way. First, my daughter too is at risk of liver damage due to particular circumstances. I can't help but worry about her liver, especially when I am reminded of it. I am doing the necessary precautions and will continue to do so but the prospect of it just sneaking up on us scares me to death. The inability to control the matter scares me more. I suppose I technically could choose to avoid this risk but the risk involved with this other choice is far greater.

Secondly and more powerfully, I was really struggling with watching the father at the hospital. It took me back once again to the worst experiences of my life. I was reminded of the times I have been in the hospital, not for myself, but for loved ones. I have been the one in the room with my wife or daughter through the problem. I have been the one talking to the doctors hearing diagnosis and making decisions. I have had to report to the family in the waiting room. I have been the one burying my head in my hands allowing myself to cry the ridiculous, embarrassing, audible kind of crying. I have had to struggle with the feeling of wanting to be alone then suddenly being too scared to actually do it. I have had to watch my loved ones in tired, drugged up, pitiful states that was so difficult to see without wishing I could trade places....especially the little one who was so young, fragile and vulnerable. She was literally in a cage of a crib while being transported to the NICU where she was at risk of respiratory arrest while she was loaded up with medicine to get control of her problem. I sat there all night staring at the monitor, making sure I would get the nurse at the slightest hint of no breathing. I bet I have written this before. I bet I will write it again. This has been something I doubt I will ever recover from. To this night I still walk in her room when she's asleep to make sure she is still breathing. And everyday I deal with the daily process of keeping her condition under control and being cognisant of anything that could be a sign of something that needs to be addressed. The fear and worry never goes away.

I remember watching my wife being led off to the OR to finish off a horrid week of bad news, arduous decisions and worse results. Even though she was a strong adult, I still felt helpless and powerless and had those same wishes that I could trade places. I had to hear later how "successful" the procedure was even though it meant the end of our dreams and plans and opened up more uncomfortable questions and anxiety that we both continue to deal with together and on our own.

I guess I am a glutton for punishment but something in me wanted to watch this and feel this pain. I immediately though I should blog about it and share my feelings. This blog has been therapeutic.

In addition I find myself worrying about my daughter's future. Not only in terms of physical health but mental health. It is so hard for her to make friends her age because she is so far behind. She cannot communicate with her peers in a way they can understand. I worry bullies or mean spirited kids will be able to take advantage of her easily. I am afraid she will lose her sweet, simple happiness and become very sad as she discovers these things. I suppose every parent has their fears for their kids though.

I suppose these are feeling that will be with me the rest of my life.

Top Bands Revisited

I was reflecting on my 25 favorite bands and the series of posts I wrote revealing them. My list and ranking was done just for fun and I didn't put much effort into it. My criteria was loose and I ranked according to my first impression from thinking their name and my memories of them.

I thought to myself, "Beau, what would the list look like if I got more serious about it and quantified it more rigidly?" I know it would remain extremely subjective but it may be more accurate and account for some things that were accounted for the last time.

This time I selected 6 categories: the band's persona (how they look and act and "feel"), the live show (the concert experience), the number of songs I like and how much I like them, the number of albums that are good top to bottom, the personal connection I have to them (people, memories etc) and their longevity (not as a band but for how long I have enjoyed them).

I gave each band a score of 1-5 for each category and added up their total score to rank. But I quickly discovered that there a number of bands I have not been able to see live like The Who or Nirvana and so on. So it wasn't fair to hold that 0 score against them. I figured I would average the scores to get a better, more fair idea of their overall ranking. I also scored several bands that were on my "honorable mention" list to see if they would crack the top 25. Take a look at what happened.

Before I get into the interesting differences.....

Here is the original list:
25)Public Enemy
24)Nine Inch Nails
23)Huey Lewis and the News
22)Hanzel Und Gretyl
21)Nirvana
20)Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
19)The Who
18)Sublime
17)Outkast
16)Pink Floyd
15)Jane's Addiction
14)Muse
13)The Cars
12)The Hollies
11)Audioslave
10)Linkin Park
9)Stone Temple Pilots
8)The Offspring
7)A Tribe Called Quest
6)Fun Lovin' Criminals
5)Weezer
4)Garbage
3)U2
2)Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
1)Social Distortion

First, two groups fell out with some very low averages under 2. Outkast and Black Rebel Motorcycle Club dropped out and were replaced by Alice in Chains (which I suspected) and Pearl Jam (there's your validation Michelle) who not only cracked the top 25 but landed at 17 and 18 respectively.

Secondly, I only had two bands remain in the same slot so there were many "mistakes."

Here are the big movers and shakers starting with the losers. Jane's Addiction dropped 10 spots with their lack of personal connection as a contributor. Audioslave and The Cars dropped 9 spots also suffering from the lack of personal connections. The big winners were Public Enemy and Pink Floyd. Both groups advanced 13 spots. Pink Floyd made their way to #3 on my list.

I think the Pink Floyd gain was the most surprising. I didn't think they would be a top 3 candidate when I began the list. I didn't examine the amount of respect I have for them and how much I enjoyed their live show. I also didn't think through how many albums I love. The one thing I did not account for this time was that I have to be in the mood for them. I think that is why they weren't this high on my first list.

I was also surprised of how high Hanzel Und Gretyl ended up in this list. They found themselves ranked #14. Their live show for some reason appeals to me and that helped them in the ranking.

My favorite band of all time, Social Distortion, dropped to #4. So there is some validation to Doug's comments regarding their "elevated" status. The longevity component hurt them. And the new #1? Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers who scored a perfect 5 in all but longevity (4).

Overall, the changes were minor although frequent. The number of bands that moved was high but the amount or number of spots they moved was minimal. The mean amount of change was only a minuscule +0.04 even though 25 of 27 bands moved. This tells me I wasn't off by too much. The mode of spots moved was -1. Five bands moved down one spot. No other amount of move happened as often.

Here is the new top ten with their movement from the original list in parenthesis:
10)Stone Temple Pilots (-1)
9)The Offspring (-1)
8)Weezer (-3)
7)Fun Lovin' Criminals (-1)
6)Garbage (-2)
5)U2 (-2)
4) Social Distortion (-3)
3)Pink Floyd (+13)
2)A Tribe Called Quest (+5)
1) Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers (+1)

Birthday Post Hal Lebovitz Style

Hal Lebovitz was a sports writer for the News Herald, the local newspaper in the county where I grew up. By the time I began reading him religiously he had been around for decades and wrote for other papers (Cleveland News and Cleveland Plain Dealer) prior to my hometown Herald. But each weekend he had a column where he touched on a number of different topics regarding the Cleveland teams or other worthwhile, interesting tidbits about the sports world at that time. This was a part of my Sundays that I cherished. We would get home from church and I made a mad dash to the Sunday News Herald to see what Hal had to say. My earlier intentions to be a sportswriter for a career stemmed from this experience.

So today I am using his Sunday format to cover a number of topics I have wanted to touch in this blog but haven't had the time to address. I have some serious catching up to do. My birthday present to myself is this post with the Georgia v. Georgia Tech game on to my right and my ipod blasting a variety of favorite tunes to my left.

Here we go....I hope you enjoy and comment on one or more:

My Dark Period
I have been pretty open about my recent downturn in mood and feeling. Mostly it has been despair, sadness and worry. But underneath these emotions there is a lot of anger brewing. I can feel it come out over little things. I explode over things I should brush off. I get easily frustrated and aggravated. I have been examining the reasons why. I am trying to connect the dots and get to the core issue I must be dealing with so I can fix it.

I keep coming back to one point. This point is that I do not stick up for myself. My wife even recognizes it and has mentioned it. She says that by not defending myself I am accepting things as true. I'll be the first to admit I have a problem with confrontation. I hate it. As a result I have taken a lot of emotional punishment without doing anything about it and then internalized it way too much. Then I feel worse about being too much of a coward to stand up and confront my confrontation fear. I think much of my anger may be coming from this.

In the past I have tried to stick up for myself when I felt like I was being pushed around but then I look like a fool because people say I can't take a joke. They say I'm taking things too seriously or I am too emotional or I am overreacting. So the cycle continues and I try to take things as a joke. But then I hear plenty of negative comments and feel horrible about myself.

I want to start calling people out when they say stupid things about me to me. But I don't want to turn into an angry person either. I have tried to practice this idea of "breaking the chain" and not letting someone else's anger towards me create a negative response from me. I wanted to stop passing forward the bad in the world. I wanted to absorb the bad and "be the better person" in an attempt to make the world better. Yes, I realize this is very righteous or pious or whatever but I tried anyway.

Now I see the damage it is doing to me as an individual and I think it is time to unleash the beast. I could go on listing the issues I have with people's wrongful treatment but I have too much more to write. Just get ready. I am working my way to a point where I am going to seem very mean.

Ohio state Football
Believe it or not there are people in Columbus who are blaming Jim Tressel for a disappointing 10-2 season. They blame the coaching for losing to USC and Penn State. I admit the Big Ten is down which means the Buckeyes really didn't have any signature wins this year but c'mon! 10-2 is 10-2. More importantly it is 10-2 after back to back appearances in the BCS Title game. Has anybody seen the mighty LSU's record this year? Granted they are in tougher conference but they didn't beat anybody of any significance. You can't blame it all on LSU's QB drama earlier in the year because their defense stunk it up all year. It is not easy to maintain the kind of success Ohio State has had over the Tressel era. In his 8 years he has won a national title, played for two others, made BCS bowl games 5(maybe 6 if Oregon st loses a game) times, been in a bowl game every year, beaten our rival 7 times, and won or shared the Big Ten title at least 4 times (off the top of my head). Weak conference or not teams are bound for a let down in that time. OSU really has never had a major let down and when there has been one, it lasts one season. During this same period I can only think of USC and Texas (maybe Florida) as teams that have had the same consistent success. Get off Tressel people. We are lucky to have him.

Raising My Kid
I watched the OSU v. Michigan game at the house of a friend of mine. She used to work with me so another colleague from work was there as well. The game was a blowout allowing our conversation to meander away from sports and it found its way to the Bible. My colleague mentioned Proverbs as a good "book" to use with my daughter. This came about because I mentioned how there are a number of values from the Bible that I plan to instill in my child despite my personal issue with it. To clarify this statement I should say that it really isn't the Bible itself that I have a problem with but the people who constantly use it to support their erroneous, hateful and immoral views. The interpretation is the problem more than the book. I would also cite the narrow point of view many people have who use the Bible as the end all, be all reference to morality and goodness.

With all of this said, I am not a Bible hater. I feel there is so much that can be taken from that book like loving thy neighbor as thyself, the ten commandments, turning the other cheek, the idea that power and greed are the root of evil, giving to the poor and needy in spirit as well as more worldly needs, the importance to fight temptation and reality of it, making sacrifices and prayer. These and many more principles are concepts I find very valuable. While my daughter gets fed many things from the Bible on her mother's side, I am not going to fight it. Instead I want to make sure I direct it. She will NOT grow up thinking slavery is justified or homosexuality is immoral even though the Bible "says so." She WILL be allowed to speak up in church or to her husband. She doesn't need to grow up thinking she has to be submissive to her partner because the Bible "said so." I could go on.

My goal is to teach her these positive values of the Bible and to help as best I can to get her to understand the Bible was written in a variety of contexts and these contexts affected what was written. It is much like politics in that the different books were written to particular audiences with particular goals in mind. These things need to be considered when reading the Bible. I also want her to feel free to explore other religions and their teachings. Many times these other ways of thinking can provide a clearer point of view for someone. There are also numerous parallels. I continue to explore Buddhism and find similarities. Meditation and prayer are both important components of Christianity and Buddhism as well as sacrifice. I want my kid to feel free to discover this for herself. If I have any say in the matter, she will not be pigeon holed in one discipline.

Being a Moderate
My wife and I had a fantastic conversation on the ride up to our families for the holiday celebrating thanks (and genocide through small pox and violence). She is a die hard liberal and is very proud of it. She wants her values and beliefs to fall on the left side of the ledger every time. She believes that is the correct way of thinking.

Most of the time I fall on her side of things. But not always. This is where the conversation got interesting. As we discussed different issues, she proved her dedication and loyalty to liberalism. I, on the other hand, demonstrated that I have no urge whatsoever to be placed in one particular category. I don't like being labeled liberal or conservative (contrary to a friend's belief that I support liberal issues only because it is "cool" and I want to be liberal because my college professors influenced me and my peers to be). I don't want to be put in a box like that. When I determine my stance on different topics, issues or whatever I like to examine them on their own merit and particular circumstances. I then try to base my stance on my own value system. Whether it is conservative or liberal doesn't matter to me. While I do admit I fall on the liberal side more often than not, I wouldn't call myself that at all. That is fine.

What is most interesting about this is that I try to take things on a case by case basis so I can make sure I am consistent in terms of my personal values as opposed to my political stance, but sometimes it creates contradictions. So in an effort to avoid contradictions I am actually creating contradictions within my views or opinions.

John Brown

I continue to read "Lies My Teacher Told Me: What American History Textbooks Got Wrong" by James Loewen. I recently finished a section about John Brown and his treatment or lack thereof in our textbooks. I find this man and his story fascinating. In high school textbooks he is described as this crazed, militant abolitionist. Loewen even shows two pictures of him (pg 177) with one normal portrait next to a wild, long haired, long bearded man with a crazed look in his eye. According to Loewen, he was a well spoken, well read, intelligent man who proved so in his words during his trial for treason as well as his letters to his family and in his diary. He was well aware of the contradiction our country was demonstrating through slavery. He also knew of the inner struggle we were dealing with in regards to it. He wrote just before his execution that the only way these "crimes" of slavery would be "purged" from our country would be "with blood." (pg 175) As we know, it took the bloody Civil War to finally put an end to slavery.

In 1854 the Kansas-Nebraska Act tried to deal with slavery by leaving the decision to those who settled there. Farmers from the North rushed in to establish it a "free soil" state while most Southern slave owners didn't make the move. But a number of slave owners from Missouri would cross the border to intimidate and terrorize the settlers in an effort to sway things towards slavery. (Loewen p. 173-174) Brown, an abolitionist with family in Kansas, countered by attacking and killing a number of these "terrorists." Later, Brown led a slave revolt in Harper's Ferry, Virginia where he would be caught by Robert E. Lee, eventually tried and hanged for treason.

What is interesting here is that history textbooks up to as late as the 1970s and some even later, painted Brown as the bad guy. They would even go as far as stating the slaves didn't want to revolt despite the evidence that Loewen presents to the contrary. This is a southern justification for slavery that I have noticed in other parts of the book. There seemed to be a consistent attempt to convince us that slaves actually did not mind being enslaved. While I don't specifically remember being taught this, the textbooks being used across the country during my years in school were openly presenting this idea of acceptance of slavery by the slaves themselves.

What the textbooks miss out on is bringing American History alive by presenting John Brown in a way that can demonstrate the very real inner struggle our country has been dealing with for centuries regarding slavery and racism. There were so many economic issues and states rights issues that played roles in the Civil War too but they were tied into the prevailing racism that took place and still takes place today. High school students could have some unbelievably interesting and enlightening discussions about race and slavery if we would look at people like John Brown and his ideas, beliefs and questionable actions to promote and support those thoughts. Abraham Lincoln was a great president who really did want to eradicate slavery from our country and knew it was a BIG cause of and factor in the Civil War, but he too struggled with his personal racism. On one hand he referred to African Americans as "niggers" but on the other he felt guilty and sick about seeing slaves shackled on a train he rode. Nobody wants to see the racial slurs Lincoln used or hear about Washington and Jefferson owning slaves, cheating on their wives or in Jefferson's case being an atheist. But I think we can present these "heroes" to our high school students in a way that demonstrates their flaws and shows how they accomplished a good bit despite their shortcomings and how these contradictions created interesting situations and discussion points. It doesn't need to be this pure, constant line of progress because it wasn't. Our history has had its ups and downs, progress and set backs, successes and failures and they all have affected how things are today.

LeBron James in 2010
Charles Barkley was on a radio show and called out James in regards to his open dialogue about possibly playing in New York in 2010. He said LeBron should not be so open about it. He plays for the Cavs and will for two more seasons and needs to quit talking about the Knicks or Nets. James responded by calling Barkley "stupid."

I am finding myself more and more anti-LeBron. It is hard to do. He is so, very good, plays for my team and seems like a good guy. But I will not be held hostage by him and I am getting tired of this game. No player should be bigger than the team. Even LeBron. I have been worried about this happeneing. This is one of the things I hated about Jordan. He became bigger than the Bulls. In fact the NBA as a whole fell out of graces with me as a result. Then the new generation of stars came about. Among them, James who seemed like a team first guy on the court. Combine that with being on my team and I was fine with James and his Jordanesque persona.

Now I am getting tired of it. At first, I wanted to write about how the national media needs to shut up about NYC and LeBron and buy a clue that Cleveland is also putting themselves in position to sign LeBron in 2010. They will be in the BEST position to re-sign him to be honest. But we don't hear that on ESPN. Also, we will have enough to get ANOTHER stud that is available that year. ESPN, FOX and other national media outlets won't tell you that.

Instead, I almost want James gone. I don't want to contribute to the "player bigger than the team" concept. Correct or incorrect, true or false....that is what's stupid Mr. James.

(This Georgia v. Ga Tech rivalry game has been pretty fun to watch....especially the second half.)

Happy Thanksgiving

I have some more meaningful, thought provoking reflections and comments for a future post regarding Thanksgiving, but for now I thought you should enjoy some humor. This is a skit from Frank TV on TBS that features the impersonations of Frank Caliendo. I love this guy. He is dead on with a number of stars. The skit writing could be better but right now, who cares. Just enjoy his John Madden imitation.



He picked the Chiefs? What year was this? Brett Favre must not have been playing that game.



Although Mike and Mike are annoying, here is a nice long segment with many of his good impersoninations:

The End Justifies The Means?

Are you a believer in the old saying, "The end justifies the means?" I think I am. There are limits of course. I believe each situation is unique and needs to be examined on a case by case basis. What about when rule breaking comes into the picture?

On the morning of The Game I should be blogging about this rivalry game between Ohio State and nagihcim. In fact I should have been all week like my buddy did here. But I have had heavier things on my brain of late. Regardless of that team's horrible record this game is still important and big and anyone can win. In fact it would not surprise one bit if that team came down here and beat us due to this very fact and that the whole world isn't giving them a chance. Despite this, I am consumed with other things, so let's continue:

I am curious what people think about this concept of the end justifying the means. I am widely considered a good person. I think that I am. I try to do things that are "right" and "good." My relationship with my daughter's mother is an example of my efforts to "be the better man" and put any and all bitterness behind me. So much of what I do regarding my kid is based in what is right more than what I want even though I admit I haven't held true to this every time. I try to be good not perfect.

I find myself in a position right now where I can do something that is beneficial in my mind for someone I love dearly. The issue here is that it breaks the rules. I am 100% aware that I would break these rules to do this. I know exactly what I am doing and have no hesitation to do it. I feel no guilt whatsoever. Honesty is important, but in this case, I don't mind being dishonest. I am willing to pay the consequences....assuming these consequences are what I think they are. (In the words of former Cardinals' head coach Dennis Green: "They are who we thought they were...AND WE LET THEM OFF THE HOOK!!")

I firmly believe in this case that the end justifies the means. Nobody is technically getting hurt. Nobody is benefiting in a superficial, shallow way. The benefit is life altering for the better (if I could only be more dramatic, geez) without any real harm being done to get it. It is something that is done all the time for nothing more than convenience. In my case, it is not for convenience but something deeper. But of course, anyone who breaks a rule or law has their own justification for it. In their mind, they are right. What is it about mine that is more justified than theirs? Rules and laws are there for a reason, right? Plus, I am not saying that I am not breaking any rules, I admit I am. I'm saying my case trumps those rules. I choose not to get into details publicly, but my logic here is sound. I have thought this through and feel comfortably justified in this logic.

Now, no decision has been made. There are other options. I plan to study every option. My fear is that these other options are not attainable. Therefore, I am setting my sights on this "rule breaking" option. There is still a good bit of time ahead and calls to be made and ideas to be hatched before I make a decision. I also need to let go of my controlling nature and allow other vested interests get their say. But for the sake of discussion, does the end justify the means to you? Do I forfeit my "good guy" badge for intentionally breaking the rules even when I feel there is a greater purpose here? Do I get a mulligan here and allow myself to be dishonest.

I think so.

Above all, my loved ones come first. Even before honesty and rule following.

Just Tie Your Shoes!

The other day I noticed a student had their shoes untied. This could lead to some unfortunate things like falling down the stairs and getting seriously hurt or beginning an escalating series of events between students ultimately ending in a fight and missed class time as well as another headache for me and administration to deal with that doesn't involve educating our youth which we are primarily paid to do.

You may think I am making too much of a simple untied shoe, but after a decade in the classroom you learn how "little thing" lead to big things more often than not. In this case, a loose shoe string may be stepped on by another student intentionally or unintentionally angering the student with the untied shoe. This leads to words of frustration towards the "culprit" creating a response that is rarely positive. Next thing you know people are talking about the other's mother and pushes follow with punches next and we end up with some conference in the office over all this stuff that has nothing to do with an untied shoe.

But to be completely honest, when I told the girl that her shoe laces were untied and she should tie them, I was thinking it was just a safe thing to do. I didn't want her face first in the ground at some point.

Well, God forbid I tell another person to do something!!! The look of disdain and complete resistance I received from this child was out of line. By no means was I disrespectful to this child. In fact. I thought I was helping her. How do I deserve this?

Here is my other problem: Let's say I didn't say anything. Or let's say I didn't persist until she finally tucked the lace in her shoe (mainly because a peer finally stepped in and said the obvious, "Just do it, it's not that big of a deal"). If she did end up tripping and falling down the stairs or getting in a fight because another kid stepped on the lace while she tried to take a step, who would mom or dad come barreling into school to blame? Me. Or her teacher. Or the principal. Oh, that wouldn't happen all the time, Huey. Uh, well, it happens a lot. It happens often at my school anyway and has for 9+ years at least. The majority of the time a student gets in a fight, the parent storms in and wants to know how we disciplined the other party in the fight. Their main focus is not on holding their child accountable for their part in the altercation, but in keeping us in check and making sure we are fair. It goes back to the lack of trust in our schools and the disconnect between parents and teachers.

I can only look at me. I can only control me. I need to focus on what I am doing. So i need to make sure I am putting forth the effort to communicate with parents from day one to help create the connection myself. There are things I can and need to do to fix this kind of problem. But to be honest, when I get the treatment from those students like this on a daily basis I just lose my motivation. I internalize the negative feelings I just received and feel horrible and downright apathetic. It becomes that much harder to go the extra mile. And I have a family. I want to spend my evenings with my wife and daughter. I need to spend time with them.

This is what cuts to the core of my displeasure with the current state of affairs in my life right now. I am tired of doing the right thing, or trying to, and somehow getting blamed for other people's lack of effort or resistance to me. I am tired of the resistance period. But then to get that resistance reinforced, frustrates me even more.

I mean, all I am doing is telling someone to do something that will benefit them! Why am I the bad guy here?

The Top Five Favorite Bands!

After a LONG delay I bring you the final installment of Huey's All Time Personal Favorite Bands. Remember this is not indicative of who I think are the overall, objective best bands of all time, but instead, they are my favorites.

Here is a review of where we have come from:
25)Public Enemy
24)Nine Inch Nails
23)Huey Lewis and the News
22)Hanzel Und Gretyl
21)Nirvana
20)Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
19)The Who
18)Sublime
17)Outkast
16)Pink Floyd
15)Jane's Addiction
14)Muse
13)The Cars
12)The Hollies
11)Audioslave
10)Linkin Park
9)Stone Temple Pilots
8)The Offspring
7)A Tribe Called Quest
6)Fun Lovin' Criminals

5) Weezer:
Weezer is an example of a band that grows on you. I bought their Blue Album back in college, 1994ish I believe after hearing several songs on the radio. My roommates and I would chill to the album often. Slowly, I realized how much I enjoyed the album from start to finish. As time went on and they released more and more albums, my appreciation for them grew. Every album was one I would enjoy from the first track to the last. I love their sound, I like their look and the catalog of songs and hits that I never get tired of is endless. They sing about things I can relate to and their general sensibility is one that appeals to me. Overall, the Green Album may be my favorite. With songs like "Don't Let Go" and "Photograph" (what band doesn't have some song titled Photograph somewhere in their collection...geez) and "Knock Down Drag Out" and "Glorious Day"....I mean the list goes on. The whole CD is great.

In these days of iTunes and iPods, I look at my playlist and see that Weezer takes up so much space with the number of songs I have made sure to be included on the list. It is ridiculous. But with a band so tight, it really isn't all that crazy at all. The only bands topping Weezer in number of songs on my iPod would be the next four in my countdown.

4)Garbage:

I have been in love with Shirley Manson since the first time I laid eyes on her petite little figure heading this band of producers back in the mid 90's. I'll be the first to admit she is no Ali Larter or Carrie Underwood in the looks department but her rock n roll attitude was always so attractive and lustful to me. Their debut self titled album was awesome. The sound was something that blended pop and modern rock with some alternative and electronic sound. I have heard some refer to it as post-grunge. They were/are a perfect mix of a kick ass, attention grabbing lead vocalist with three successful producers providing the music and mixing the sound to make the sweetness of Garbage. Manson comes from Scotland while, Duke Erikson, Butch Vig and Steve Marker are from the U.S. Vig was a major player in the album Nevermind by Nirvana during the grunge days as well as other successful bands.

Garbage came out of the box quickly and grabbed me with their debut album and then followed up with Version 2.0 which was just as good if not better. I must admit the third album Beautiful Garbage was borderline fruity and not a real favorite of mine, the came back strong with Bleed Like Me and settled any fears I had of their demise.

Their live shows are tight. The sound is strong, Manson takes control of the stage and leaves out the bull crap. They get right to the point and rock out with little talk in between. Their vibe is upbeat and energetic. The sound is smooth and their sets are always full of quality tracks.


3) U2:

Longevity and sheer volume of albums and tracks that I dig from this band puts them in the 3 hole. Bono, The Edge, Larry Mullens Jr. and Adam Clayton have been around for decades now writing and making songs that I can listen to in so many different contexts. While everyone hated their little escapade into "techno," I enjoyed it. I didn't mind Pop. I loved Achtung Baby. It is still one of my all time favorite albums. I love the sound and feel of that album. "Even Better Than the Real Thing" and "One" are among my favorites but I also love "The Fly," "Zoo Station" and "Until The End of the World." The list goes on though. Like Weezer, U2 takes up a ton of kbs on my iPod. Or would it be mgs?

But while most people appreciate U2's earlier albums, I can get with that too. Obviously, Joshua Tree with its proven success is an album I can listen to front to back without a skipped track. Going back even further to the classics from War and Boy, I find myself waning a bit but still enjoy these earlier albums as well.

The look, the feel and vibe of the band is appealing to me and their songs are about things I can relate to. Bono is a prototype lead, The Edge plays the supporting role perfectly and Clayton just sits back and plays the bass the way bassists should. Mullens Jr. takes care of carrying the tempo and together, they make one tight unit.

Some people may be tired of Bono's holier than thou attitude and work in international relations and others admire him for it. I appreciate people who use their money or fame to try to do what they think is good. God bless him.


I have managed to see their live shows on several occasions. One of which was the PopMart tour that was lambasted by critics. Honestly, what's wrong with an over the top, sensationalist show for the senses? Pink Floyd did much the same. It enjoyed it. I also enjoyed the calmer, more down to earth show I saw later for the How To Dismantle an Atomic Bomb tour. Yes, my experience with U2 is rather limited until Joshua Tree and on, but I have been able to "catch up" so to speak over time.

2) Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers:

Here it is: Straight up Rock n' Roll. That is Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. No stupid crap. Just album after album after album of rock. So many people with so many different tastes can get down to Petty. He was a staple at our college "events." No matter the vibe, Petty worked. He has now rocked several generations of youth and adults. His vibe and sound is consistent and relevant.

Full Moon Fever was my personal initiation to Petty and his band. I loved so many of those songs. It remains one of my favorite albums of all time. "You Wreck Me" on Wildflowers is my all time favorite tune of his. his live shows are awesome. As I said before, consistent with All that is Petty, they are straight up, no frills rock. Greats sets that sound good and get the crowd going. The feeling is always energetic and fun. There's no crazy bull crap talking going on between songs except some quick anecdotal notes regarding the songs.

It was great to see he and the band play at the Super Bowl recently and even better to see how well they played. It was about time we had a Super Bowl halftime show worthy of the event and that lived up to the hype.


I would list the highlighted songs that I love by this man but the list would go on for ever and become biblical in its boring list of information that seems irrelevant. I can just leave it at this: I love just about every Tom Petty song I have ever heard.

AND NOW!!!!!! The most favorite band of mine: (drum roll please)

1) Social Distortion:

God I love this band. I have been on a Social D kick for several years now. I have tried to convince myself that I am going through a phase but I quit. I can't get enough of this band. I am way late to this party as the original lineup began in the late 70s/early 80s. I finally made my way to them in the late 90s and really getting into them more in 2002ish. But in the 6 short years that I have dove head first into their stuff, I find myself appreciating them more and more. I am not sure how to describe their sound. Again, I would say straight up rock n' roll although its a different sound than Tom Petty. They lean more punk, or alternative I suppose. They rock this rockabilly look and vibe. The members of the band have come and gone from what I understand with a guitarist Dennis Danell, passing away in 2000. Mike Ness, lead vocals, has been the mainstay though. His raspy voice has its unique sound that appeals to me as well as the general themes of their songs about going overboard and then dealing with the after effects. It seems like lately they are on this kick "being better." From "Far Behind" about moving from a poisonous friendships or relationships, to "Reach for the Sky" seemingly about working towards better things and "Don't Take Me For Granted" probably about their guitarist passing away and the feeling that you need to appreciate what and who you got while you got it.



I have been listening to Mommy's Little Monster a good bit. I also found myself listening to Halfway Between Heaven and Hell. I love the live album from the Roxy. And I even dig their newer stuff as well. Again, like Petty, the lists of songs go on and on. "Another State of Mind," Let It Be Me," "Cold Feelings," "1945," "Bad Luck," "The Creeps," "Prison Bound" and so much more begin the long list of songs I love. Right now two CD slots in my car are filled with Social D CDs.



As for their live show, anyone who has seen Social Distortion live knows they are awesome. Intense rock. A good bit of talk between songs, but easily overlooked when every song is strong and mindblowing.

There you have it. My favorite bands. I hope you enjoyed it. I would love to hear more than just comoprozac's Top 5. So join him by leaving your top 5. Or share your disagreements with my opinions. Any of you have memories with me at these shows or listening to this stuff. Feel free to share.

An Observation of Race in America

We are at the cusp of a new era in America. Our first minority President has been elected. We have an unprecedented opportunity to do and experience some amazing things in the next four, or hopefully more, years. This is an opportunity to begin a public discourse and discussion on race and race relations in an open and healthy manner. But we need to be careful. I fear that as easily as we could advance to a much better place as a culture and society and nation, we could also slide to even further, more hateful and divisive depths.

First, I would like to share my personal opinion for the record. I am excited. I am one of the people that wants this to unite us black and white, Democrat and Republican. I want to see African Americans walk around with pride and a sense of investment in this country. I want Republicans to listen to our President and give him a chance. I want us to truly come together to fix the problems with the economy, crime, education, environment and race relations. I think we can. "Yes We Can!" as we have heard so much lately. I feel like Obama can initiate this. I feel like he can lead us. I feel like he motivate us to move forward. His acceptance speech was beautiful. It touched all of the points it needed to hit and in an inspiring way that sent tingles up my spine.

But I am fearful. I realize not everyone is from the same point of view as me. I have several concerns that lead me to believe that we may crumble instead of grow. There are people who do not take all of this the right way. There are people with feelings of bitterness, spite and anger. If there are enough people and they feel strongly enough in these ways, we could be in big trouble.

President Obama cannot and will not fix everything all by himself. I hope everyone realizes this. For beginners, the problems are so big and and so intricate that it is going to take time and patience to fix them correctly. Secondly, Congress will play a major role. Let's not forget our 4th grade Social Studies lessons about Federal Government, the Legislative branch makes the laws and the Executive branch (President Obama) carries out the laws. In addition, the real change is going to have to happen in the streets. We will be the ones changing things for the better. We can't sit here and watch, thinking everything will be hunky dory. And it is not going to be comfortable. It won't be easy. It may get ugly before it gets pretty. Because of this, I worry people will turn for the worse.

I'd like to share several observations and stories I have heard and experienced this past week since Barack Obama was elected. You can form your own judgement.

Exhibit A:
Wednesday, November 5, 2008

African American coworkers were estactic! It was like the Buckeyes won the National Championship except this was much more important. I was feeling much the same way. I was excited to talk to everybody about it and share in the excitement and hope of what may be. For the most part I did. But what struck me was how many African Americans naturally assumed I and my fellow white, male employees voted McSame. There were some bold, blatantly prejudice remarks made about why we'd vote that way as if they were standing in the poll booth with us.

My friend and I discussed this double standard at length and I am noticing mixed feelings. On one hand, that sucks. On the other, well, who really cares? This seemed minor compared to getting pulled over and patted down by a cop because I must be a criminal since I'm driving late at night and I'm black or have a nice car or have my stereo playing loudly. Or dealing with comments and assumptions like this on a daily basis your whole life.

This takes me back to a time in college when I attended an Asian American dance with a roommate of mine who was Indian. I was literally the only white guy, person to be honest, there. It was not the first time I was in a situation where I was the only person of my race. I played basketball at an all black youth group in high school. Larry Bird they called me. I went to an all gay church service before as well. But this dance was still very foreign to me. The music, the languages being spoken, the attire and little nuances were unfamiliar to me. After we left and walked back to the dorm (without any women unfortunately, these were my pre-player days) I made the comment that I felt out of place and my roommate replied, "Now you know how we feel everyday." For some reason, even though it made sense to me and it was something I thought about before that experience, I was struck by it at that time and haven't forgotten it since.

Even though I felt small sliver of what it was like to be a minority, I came to realization that I would never fully appreciate what it was like for him or other minority groups in America. All of those multicultural experiences I have had and still have today will never fully allow to me to 100% understand and relate. I can always go back to being a white, straight male with health insurance and a paycheck in a white, straight man's country. There are others in my position who have had even less exposure or have never had the epiphany I did that evening. Therefore, when I hear comments like those, even though there may be this double standard that they can make prejudice comments but we can't, I can live with it.

Exhibit B:
Friday, November 7th, 2008

I am driving home from a meeting with my daughter's teacher and hear about my Browns losing their Thursday night game. The opponents wide receiver, Brandon Marshall, was talking about a planned celebration he had for after he scored. He was going to pay tribute to Obama's election by taking from the famous fists of Tommie Smith and John Carlos at the 1968 Olympics 40 years ago. He planned to hold his fist in the air but with a glove that was half white and half black. It was supposed to symbolize the coming together of white and black America.

What a great thing to see. It was a move based on unity not division and I had no problem with it. While I thought this move was clever and wished he did it, mainly it was because I wanted him to be penalized and provide Brady with good field position for a game winning drive.......nevermind.

Exhibit C:
Sometime during the week before the election, 2008

My friend's father-in-law drives a bus in a well-to-do suburb of Columbus and noticed one day that all of the kids were chanting "Let's go Bucks. Obama Sucks!" Obviously lots of McCainiacs for parents up there eh?

This is the attitude that scares me.

Exhibit D:
Thursday, November 6, 2008

I hear a kid run down the stairs telling a friend that they were all going to get $1,000 checks since Obama won. I don't think they were talking about the proposed economic stimulus package dems have on the table or the two that Bush pushed through over the past couple years, but that statement reflects what is being said at home and what bothers some people I have talked to.

So here is my fear. The obvious is that Republicans, conservatives, whites or general racists will have such a major problem with Obama that they will purposely sabotage things. Blacks and other minorities will suddenly believe things will automatically get better just because a minority is in the White House. They will feel that they will automatically receive benefits just because of this monumental election without joining in on the work that needs to take place across the board. What I am even more scared about is that many whites who have a problem with this will become so bitter that they deliberately avoid the work we ALL need to do to make this happen or even worse purposely oppose and resist it. Even though their spite is counterproductive to themselves, they will just not be able to get past it.

In the end everyone needs to pitch in here and cooperate. Whites and conservatives will have to resist the urge to fight the changes coming. Critics needs to maintain patience with the Obama administration as his decisions begin to come down the line. Supporters and minorities, black and white and democrat or independent need to continue to work at the grass roots level to fix this stuff.

We need to realize that NOW the work begins. And WE are the ones that need to do it. We can't sit here and expect change without changing ourselves. I pray enough people realize this to make up the critical mass we need to push things forward. (I prefer writing "we" more than "they" like did in that earlier paragraph)

We also need to take advantage of this opportunity before us. We have a black President. We do. Blacks and whites whether we voted for him or not. This could be a platform or a chance to open discussion about race between each other. It will be uncomfortable. It may sting a bit. But both sides need to be tactful but honest and able to take some views they don't want to hear. We both need to listen and be able to take some uncomfortable comments. This is discussion that HAS to happen to push the barrier down. The only way we can begin to live more harmoniously is to do this.

What excited me is that we have a leader that can provide leadership for this. He can be a beacon of hope. He can guide us though it as he, himself, openly discusses race. He seems like he understands this opportunity. He demonstrates a platform of unity and togetherness. He mentioned in his acceptance speech that it is time to bring together democrats, republicans, whites, blacks, gays, straight, rich, poor, able bodied, disabled. This is what I want to hear.

We have an extremely intelligent man in office. He "gets it." Most important to me, he can motivate and inspire us, the people who will make the difference in the end. I trust him.

One more thing: Don't screw with the BCS Mr. President. Let the sports degenerates deal with it.