I apologize ahead of time if I offend anyone with this post.
I cannot sit here and act like I am some sort of knowledgeable expert with Christianity. But I have been raised Christian and still consider myself Christian by default as I openly explore my personal spirituality. With 9 years of Catholic school and over 18 years of regularly attending church (often more than once a week), I feel like I have a legitimate amount experience to justify my opinion.
Many times I have openly questioned the Bible and Christianity. In my mind, I have felt like this has been part of my self-examination and personal exploration more than an attack on Christianity itself.
Where most of my frustration stems from is not so much the belief system, but many of the people that take part. There are two groups that annoy me the most. I call them Posers and Radical Bible Thumpers.
The Posers are like those fans that claim to be "die hard" or "true" when the team is winning and everybody loves them but are no where to be found when this team they claim to be fans of is losing or unpopular. They love to deck themselves out in the team's gear when everybody else is and they sport the jerseys of the most popular player like Grady Sizemore or LeBron James, but when the team stinks, all you hear is little dig after dig about how the team stinks, even if the team is just mediocre.
Some call them fair weather fans or bandwagon fans. I just call them annoying.
When this behavior is connected to the Church, I get just as annoyed. The Poser Christians love to loudly exclaim what they want to believe and throw the Bible out as their justification. They wear their Christianity on their sleeve and quickly slam people who critique it. Anyone who isn't Christian is wrong in their mind. They feel like everyone who questions the Church is hating the church.
But as they look down upon the rest of us, they never read the Bible themselves. They do not attend church. They definitely do not examine their beliefs and reflect on why they believe what they believe, which sometimes means challenging the traditional beliefs. They blindly follow what others tell them. Many times they refer to the Old Testament to support their outdated views while ignoring New Testament writings from Jesus (an important component of Christianity) that contradict the Old Testament.
The Radical Bible Thumpers do attend church regularly. They do read scriptures. They are devoted to their Christianity. So devoted that they go to the extreme. They may examine their beliefs but not in a critical manner. They take what they read and hear literally and are often, in my mind, misled. They are very rigid in their beliefs and refuse to see any other point of view or perspective, especially ones that counter what they want to believe. Like the posers they throw the Bible out as their shield.
Like radical Muslims, they are harmful. Their harm is more like the mental, emotional harm of a cult than the physical, violent harm of the stereotypical terrorism we are used to seeing and hearing about on television regarding the radical Muslims.
If you haven't read between the lines, I put a good bit of value on self-examination and reflection. I believe most Christians incorporate this practice in their worship. Prayer involves reflection and self-examination. It is an important component of Christianity. But many times prayer and reflection seem to be separated. These two groups lose sight of the importance of this intimate practice that truly connects you with God.
I do not believe practicing your religion is about following some rigid dogma as much as your relationship with your higher power. Questioning what your are told is part of this relationship. I believe it is an important and critical part of practicing your religion. By questioning and critiquing what is passed to you, you become part of this belief and you develop your own point of view. One that brings you closer to your higher power.
Whatever God you choose to believe in is much greater than anything we can fathom in our human experience. I highly doubt God concerns itself with whether you are following the rules set forth by the Pope or other religious leaders. It is more meaningful and practical for us to transcend this and use the different religions out there to seek the greater good.
Peter Rollins touches on this point of a God greater than our understanding in his book about the emerging Christianity entitled, "How (Not) To Speak of God:"
"If we fail to recognize that the term 'God' always falls short of that towards which the word is suppoed to point, we will end up bowing down before our own conceptual creations forged from the raw materials of our self-image, rather than bowing before the one who stands over and above that creation...'God rid me of God,' a prayer that acknowledges how the God we are in relationship with is bigger, better and different than our understanding of that God." (Rollins, "How (Not) to Speak of God" pg.19)
Fortunately, most Christians I know do this. It's the other two groups that Ia m skeptical about.
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Monday, July 27, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Reflections On God And Control
I had a thought about the origin of God cross my mind the other day. I texted this thought to a number of people and received a number of interesting reflections.
My thought was that God is just a manifestation of humans' need for control. By control I mean the ability to influence events to achieve a preferred outcome as well as the ability to know the unknown.
Lack of control is a scary thing. There are a number of things that are out of our control including our mortality and the behavior of other people. This lack of control also involves the unknown. When something is unknown to you, in essence you don't have control of it.
The human experience has a vast number of things we cannot control or do not know. As we have evolved, we have learned a good bit and some of the unknown has become known like the microbiology and astronomy and so on. But we still can't control our mortality. As hard as we try to control other people, and in some cases, are able to get people to behave in a preferred manner, in the end it is their brain that dictates what they do.
So we create this deity called God.
This God is represents this control. Through the existence of God, we can feel like we have some sort of control over our mortality. We can do good while alive and enter a place called heaven. Death becomes much less scary inevitable.
Many times I will hear people talk about their lack of control. They will say that they can't control other people or the outcome of certain things. So they will give it to the universe. Or they will try to let it go and avoid wasting time worrying about it. Finally, many say they will turn it over to God. Because, as I said, God can control it and will take care of it.
We can also use God and the idea of heaven and its counterpart, hell, to influence others' actions. Those people out there that may do harmful things to us or the ones we love can be swayed otherwise by the deterrent that if they do, they will suffer eternal damnation. It helps our grieving and pain to feel like someone who does us wrong will pay the consequences for it.
The concept of God goes much, much deeper than this. The various religions have created these intricate frameworks from which to experience God and these frameworks explain away countless other detailed "unknowns" that exist beyond death and ethics.
My text message never got this in depth. But four people who responded did. There were a number of interesting points they made.
The first point from my mom was that God represented a parent-like figure for her. Obviously, not everybody has had the same experience with their parental figures. So what this means for one may mean something different for another. Traditionally speaking though, parents are though of as warm, loving caregivers who offer guidance.
This is a warm, fuzzy way to look at God. But at the same time, it doesn't disprove my points. Of course, I don't think my mom was trying to disprove it in the first place.
God as a parent actually fits my point exactly. As a young child, your parent(s) perfectly represent this idea of offering control and answers to the unknown. You enter the world knowing little more than how to poop, pee, breathe and swallow. You have zero control. You quickly learn you can cry to get fed or cleaned. But this whole time, its the parents that are getting the food to you. So you look to them to provide this control.
As you grow and become more and more independent, you rely on your parents less and less. But throughout your childhood, it is your parents that have this control you are unable to have and provide that safety and security that God does for us as humans in general.
Another point my friend and I got into was the irony that this creation of God makes us more powerful than God who is supposed to be more powerful than us. The point of its creation was to have the power to control something we are powerless to control. From a Christian standpoint, the idea that we are equal to or more powerful than God is blasphemous. It is also contradicting in a way.
This led to some thoughts on faith and how faith is critical to the numerous religions that exist. Without faith, there is little reason to follow a particular religion or any way of thinking for that matter. It is crucial to blindly believe or have faith that there is a all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving God out there that is above all of this and able to exist and "control" everything in a manner that is in our best interests.
The thoughts on faith were echoed by another friend who referenced a book he was reading that was related to this subject. Our texts reminded me of observations I have made that many times when I notice people who are blindly following the Bible and proclaiming their faith in it, they are usually of a lower education. At the same time, when I notice people who are atheist or agnostic (assuming I use that term correctly), they are of a higher education.
Obviously, these observations are generalizations. I am NOT trying to say educated people are atheist or atheists are automatically highly educated. Nor am I trying to say that if you have faith, you are not highly educated. I can provide numerous examples of extremely intelligent people who have faith in God. But this observation still exists.
The Bible has been used for centuries to prey on the unknowns of people. It has been a tool of control as it supposedly has offered answers to these unknowns and control for the uncontrollable. It has been used to control human behavior as well. But faith is a requirement. Without it, the church doesn't have a leg to stand on.
Before I begin to follow a tangent taking me away from the point of this post, I'll end it with this:
I enjoy this kind of analyzing. This is not some kind of attack on religion or God. I am continuing to seek out my place in all of this. Reflections like this make me think. While I plan to continue thinking like this, I really do want to find some framework to stick to. But I want it to genuinely from my heart and not just my brain. Christianity is not the answer for me, but it is NOT because I think it is wrong, evil or negative. Any negative overtones I present are usually directed to the people who transmit it or practice it in a way I disagree with not the theology itself.
My thought was that God is just a manifestation of humans' need for control. By control I mean the ability to influence events to achieve a preferred outcome as well as the ability to know the unknown.
Lack of control is a scary thing. There are a number of things that are out of our control including our mortality and the behavior of other people. This lack of control also involves the unknown. When something is unknown to you, in essence you don't have control of it.
The human experience has a vast number of things we cannot control or do not know. As we have evolved, we have learned a good bit and some of the unknown has become known like the microbiology and astronomy and so on. But we still can't control our mortality. As hard as we try to control other people, and in some cases, are able to get people to behave in a preferred manner, in the end it is their brain that dictates what they do.
So we create this deity called God.
This God is represents this control. Through the existence of God, we can feel like we have some sort of control over our mortality. We can do good while alive and enter a place called heaven. Death becomes much less scary inevitable.
Many times I will hear people talk about their lack of control. They will say that they can't control other people or the outcome of certain things. So they will give it to the universe. Or they will try to let it go and avoid wasting time worrying about it. Finally, many say they will turn it over to God. Because, as I said, God can control it and will take care of it.
We can also use God and the idea of heaven and its counterpart, hell, to influence others' actions. Those people out there that may do harmful things to us or the ones we love can be swayed otherwise by the deterrent that if they do, they will suffer eternal damnation. It helps our grieving and pain to feel like someone who does us wrong will pay the consequences for it.
The concept of God goes much, much deeper than this. The various religions have created these intricate frameworks from which to experience God and these frameworks explain away countless other detailed "unknowns" that exist beyond death and ethics.
My text message never got this in depth. But four people who responded did. There were a number of interesting points they made.
The first point from my mom was that God represented a parent-like figure for her. Obviously, not everybody has had the same experience with their parental figures. So what this means for one may mean something different for another. Traditionally speaking though, parents are though of as warm, loving caregivers who offer guidance.
This is a warm, fuzzy way to look at God. But at the same time, it doesn't disprove my points. Of course, I don't think my mom was trying to disprove it in the first place.
God as a parent actually fits my point exactly. As a young child, your parent(s) perfectly represent this idea of offering control and answers to the unknown. You enter the world knowing little more than how to poop, pee, breathe and swallow. You have zero control. You quickly learn you can cry to get fed or cleaned. But this whole time, its the parents that are getting the food to you. So you look to them to provide this control.
As you grow and become more and more independent, you rely on your parents less and less. But throughout your childhood, it is your parents that have this control you are unable to have and provide that safety and security that God does for us as humans in general.
Another point my friend and I got into was the irony that this creation of God makes us more powerful than God who is supposed to be more powerful than us. The point of its creation was to have the power to control something we are powerless to control. From a Christian standpoint, the idea that we are equal to or more powerful than God is blasphemous. It is also contradicting in a way.
This led to some thoughts on faith and how faith is critical to the numerous religions that exist. Without faith, there is little reason to follow a particular religion or any way of thinking for that matter. It is crucial to blindly believe or have faith that there is a all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving God out there that is above all of this and able to exist and "control" everything in a manner that is in our best interests.
The thoughts on faith were echoed by another friend who referenced a book he was reading that was related to this subject. Our texts reminded me of observations I have made that many times when I notice people who are blindly following the Bible and proclaiming their faith in it, they are usually of a lower education. At the same time, when I notice people who are atheist or agnostic (assuming I use that term correctly), they are of a higher education.
Obviously, these observations are generalizations. I am NOT trying to say educated people are atheist or atheists are automatically highly educated. Nor am I trying to say that if you have faith, you are not highly educated. I can provide numerous examples of extremely intelligent people who have faith in God. But this observation still exists.
The Bible has been used for centuries to prey on the unknowns of people. It has been a tool of control as it supposedly has offered answers to these unknowns and control for the uncontrollable. It has been used to control human behavior as well. But faith is a requirement. Without it, the church doesn't have a leg to stand on.
Before I begin to follow a tangent taking me away from the point of this post, I'll end it with this:
I enjoy this kind of analyzing. This is not some kind of attack on religion or God. I am continuing to seek out my place in all of this. Reflections like this make me think. While I plan to continue thinking like this, I really do want to find some framework to stick to. But I want it to genuinely from my heart and not just my brain. Christianity is not the answer for me, but it is NOT because I think it is wrong, evil or negative. Any negative overtones I present are usually directed to the people who transmit it or practice it in a way I disagree with not the theology itself.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Don't Worry, I Won't Pray For You
Isn't it interesting that when someone a person cares about has trouble, they often say, "I will pray for you?" Churches have moments to pray for people they care about or problems for which they seek help.
There are a variety of ways to pray or meditate. Many people pray or meditate for different reasons including the expectation of particular outcomes or no outcomes at all. I recall countless moments of bowing in front of the television begging God to carry my team to victory.
Does this prayer work?
I recently read about a study in "What Don't You Know" by Micheal LaBossiere. The book isn't about prayer or meditation. It is a book of philosophical provocations ranging from metaphysics and epistemology to ethics and social thought as well as politics. But it devotes a small section to the efficacy of prayer.
It cited two studies that had similar results. The first, Study of the Therapeutic Effects of Intercessory Prayer (STEM), was conducted with scientific rigour in an effort to find out if prayer had any medical effects. (LaBossiere pg 33-34)
This study followed 1,802 cardiac bypass surgery patients. There were three groups. Between the first two groups, one was prayed for and the other was not. The doctors and the patients had no idea which group was prayed for and which one was not. The third group was prayed for AND told they were being prayed for. Catholic and Protestant groups did the praying.
The results revealed that there was no difference between the first two groups who had one receiving prayers and the other not receiving prayers. Adding to the intrigue was that the third group who were prayed for and knew it, actually suffered from more complications.
Ironically, this study was funded by an organization that promotes religious beliefs which means they were most likely contradicting their objective.
A second study, MANTRA II, showed the same results.
There are a number of conclusions one can draw from this. One would be that the stress of thinking you need to be prayed for, which was experienced by the third group, could have played a role in the complications they suffered. It has been shown that stress is unhealthy.
I mentioned this study to three trusted friends and family of mine who work in the church. As expected, they gave in depth reflection on the study and all seemed unswayed by it.
For them, prayer already transcended requests to God. Prayer was more of an experience to bring them closer to God. They don't seem to look to God to solve their problems or fix their mess.
So why say "I will pray for you" then?
Interestingly, I have heard a number of times from priests and ministers that we need to turn our problems over to God. We should go to God for help.
Maybe there is some reassurance or comfort in that phrase or thought. Of course, the third group may have had added stress as a result. So that would contradict that theory.
I recall what I have read about meditation through my exploration of Buddhism and how similar the art of meditation is to prayer. Also, the reading I have done seems to describe meditating less as a route to achieve a need or particular outcome, but a way to center one's self and find peace.
This inner peace relates to the thoughts of my three trusted experts. They all seemed to feel prayer was a way to find inner peace with God.
So next time you are in trouble, I won't pray for you to get better. I will pray or meditate in hope to find inner peace and hope that you do too. Hopefully, you can transcend your trouble and find inner peace.
There are a variety of ways to pray or meditate. Many people pray or meditate for different reasons including the expectation of particular outcomes or no outcomes at all. I recall countless moments of bowing in front of the television begging God to carry my team to victory.
Does this prayer work?
I recently read about a study in "What Don't You Know" by Micheal LaBossiere. The book isn't about prayer or meditation. It is a book of philosophical provocations ranging from metaphysics and epistemology to ethics and social thought as well as politics. But it devotes a small section to the efficacy of prayer.
It cited two studies that had similar results. The first, Study of the Therapeutic Effects of Intercessory Prayer (STEM), was conducted with scientific rigour in an effort to find out if prayer had any medical effects. (LaBossiere pg 33-34)
This study followed 1,802 cardiac bypass surgery patients. There were three groups. Between the first two groups, one was prayed for and the other was not. The doctors and the patients had no idea which group was prayed for and which one was not. The third group was prayed for AND told they were being prayed for. Catholic and Protestant groups did the praying.
The results revealed that there was no difference between the first two groups who had one receiving prayers and the other not receiving prayers. Adding to the intrigue was that the third group who were prayed for and knew it, actually suffered from more complications.
Ironically, this study was funded by an organization that promotes religious beliefs which means they were most likely contradicting their objective.
A second study, MANTRA II, showed the same results.
There are a number of conclusions one can draw from this. One would be that the stress of thinking you need to be prayed for, which was experienced by the third group, could have played a role in the complications they suffered. It has been shown that stress is unhealthy.
I mentioned this study to three trusted friends and family of mine who work in the church. As expected, they gave in depth reflection on the study and all seemed unswayed by it.
For them, prayer already transcended requests to God. Prayer was more of an experience to bring them closer to God. They don't seem to look to God to solve their problems or fix their mess.
So why say "I will pray for you" then?
Interestingly, I have heard a number of times from priests and ministers that we need to turn our problems over to God. We should go to God for help.
Maybe there is some reassurance or comfort in that phrase or thought. Of course, the third group may have had added stress as a result. So that would contradict that theory.
I recall what I have read about meditation through my exploration of Buddhism and how similar the art of meditation is to prayer. Also, the reading I have done seems to describe meditating less as a route to achieve a need or particular outcome, but a way to center one's self and find peace.
This inner peace relates to the thoughts of my three trusted experts. They all seemed to feel prayer was a way to find inner peace with God.
So next time you are in trouble, I won't pray for you to get better. I will pray or meditate in hope to find inner peace and hope that you do too. Hopefully, you can transcend your trouble and find inner peace.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
St. Thomas Aquinas Cleveland, Ohio
I remember a story my dad told me about a guy he knew in the army. If I recall the story correctly, this fellow soldier voluntarily went to Vietnam during the war and my father asked him why he would request to go there. He responded by telling my dad he looked at life like a pie and he wanted to eat as much of it as he could. To him, Vietnam was another piece of that pie.
This was a story I always liked and tried to apply to the "variety is the spice of life" mantra. I look through my life thus far and notice that a number of people I know have lived this way. My wife spent time in Los Angeles. She worked in a variety of different career fields such as business, mentally challenged adults and now special education at the middle school level. My brother and sister-in-law lived in Sweden and spent time in Tanzania and India. They spent a night in a hotel made of ice. They traveled all over Europe.
Meanwhile, I haven't traveled anywhere. I have lived in Ohio my whole life. I haven't skydived. I haven't bungee jumped. I haven't spent the night in a haunted house. I missed out on seeing Yankee Stadium. I haven't done a number of things I wanted and still want to do.
But I think I still have enjoyed a kind of variety that others may not have experienced. While my time has been in Ohio, I have managed to immerse myself as the minority in a number of different contexts with several different cultures or ways of life despite location. I have blogged about some of these experiences already. This time I feel like focusing on my experience at a church called St. Thomas Aquinas which was located in east Cleveland near Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. Coincidentally, I ended up getting married very near to this church.
How many white teenagers born and raised in an affluent suburb get to be a legitimate, participating member of church where the congregation shouts "Amen!" during the sermon? Just like you see on TV but for real. How many would witness their fellow members wave their hands in the air and vocally agree with the minister? A Franciscan monk in this particular case. Would they be a part of the sign of peace that is a social happy hour where every person in the room walks to every other person and passes peace in a sincere, purposeful manner?
I really don't think many do.
In addition, how many would dare travel into this same scary, keep-you-doors-locked neighborhoods on a weekly basis to play basketball? I mean the real street ball version. The loud, trash talking, dunking version where everybody hogs the ball and refuses to play any sort of team basketball. The kind that would make any fan of Hoosiers cringe. We watch this style on the "And 1 Mixed Tape" tour on ESPN, but I was actually there experiencing it weekly. There was one week I skipped since the Rodney King riots were taking place. After seeing the clip of the truck driver getting pulled out and beaten on TV, both my dad and I thought it may be in our best interest to avoid experiencing that possibility live.
Long before nicknames like "Silent Storm" crossed the lips of coworkers at Linden, I was garnering names like Bird and Paxson because: A) I was white like them B) I could shoot better than any of those guys who only drove for layups or dunks and called fouls every time they missed (which was alot). This is where I developed my tendency to shoot the ball alot. Nobody passed it to me--or anyone else for that matter-- so when I finally got my hands on it, I shot it. It took awhile to gain any kind of respect there and even after a couple strong games I still had a lukewarm reputation.
Many times I was laughed at. I could feel the weird looks too. Many of them never understood me. There was this forced interaction at first. It eventually warmed and I got to know the regulars, but there was always this distance. These weren't members of the church who were very warm and inviting. These were the kids coming off the streets near the church to stay out of trouble. In another coincidence, like my wedding many years later, I returned to teach middle school in this area. Buckeye fans would recognize the high school my students (and these kids) would go to as the home of Ted Ginn Jr. and Troy Smith, Glenville.
Regardless, each week I showed up. I shot my way onto a team and played the "every man for himself" style of basketball. I enjoyed the punch and cake or pretzels or whatever refreshments were there. I got into some interesting conversations with Fr. Tom who oversaw the whole thing. I even tried to talk to some of the girls there. Now THAT was a sight to see.
My point here is that this experience shaped much of who I am today. The silent urge to jack up shots any time I am open when I play basketball. My silence when I play with strangers. Also my interest in different religious topics and theology. My belief that religion/spirituality should be an experience not a ritual.
Finally, my last point is that I have been in a position of a minority. Although, I do understand I will never truly know what it is like to live as a minority every minute of every day, in the end, I still could go home to my safe, comfortable house and live easily. Regardless, I have put myself in that position and seen a glimpse. I even felt that uncomfortable feeling of being the only one like me around and watching other people react awkwardly as a result. I take pride in this.
I think that is a slice.
This was a story I always liked and tried to apply to the "variety is the spice of life" mantra. I look through my life thus far and notice that a number of people I know have lived this way. My wife spent time in Los Angeles. She worked in a variety of different career fields such as business, mentally challenged adults and now special education at the middle school level. My brother and sister-in-law lived in Sweden and spent time in Tanzania and India. They spent a night in a hotel made of ice. They traveled all over Europe.
Meanwhile, I haven't traveled anywhere. I have lived in Ohio my whole life. I haven't skydived. I haven't bungee jumped. I haven't spent the night in a haunted house. I missed out on seeing Yankee Stadium. I haven't done a number of things I wanted and still want to do.
But I think I still have enjoyed a kind of variety that others may not have experienced. While my time has been in Ohio, I have managed to immerse myself as the minority in a number of different contexts with several different cultures or ways of life despite location. I have blogged about some of these experiences already. This time I feel like focusing on my experience at a church called St. Thomas Aquinas which was located in east Cleveland near Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. Coincidentally, I ended up getting married very near to this church.
How many white teenagers born and raised in an affluent suburb get to be a legitimate, participating member of church where the congregation shouts "Amen!" during the sermon? Just like you see on TV but for real. How many would witness their fellow members wave their hands in the air and vocally agree with the minister? A Franciscan monk in this particular case. Would they be a part of the sign of peace that is a social happy hour where every person in the room walks to every other person and passes peace in a sincere, purposeful manner?
I really don't think many do.
In addition, how many would dare travel into this same scary, keep-you-doors-locked neighborhoods on a weekly basis to play basketball? I mean the real street ball version. The loud, trash talking, dunking version where everybody hogs the ball and refuses to play any sort of team basketball. The kind that would make any fan of Hoosiers cringe. We watch this style on the "And 1 Mixed Tape" tour on ESPN, but I was actually there experiencing it weekly. There was one week I skipped since the Rodney King riots were taking place. After seeing the clip of the truck driver getting pulled out and beaten on TV, both my dad and I thought it may be in our best interest to avoid experiencing that possibility live.
Long before nicknames like "Silent Storm" crossed the lips of coworkers at Linden, I was garnering names like Bird and Paxson because: A) I was white like them B) I could shoot better than any of those guys who only drove for layups or dunks and called fouls every time they missed (which was alot). This is where I developed my tendency to shoot the ball alot. Nobody passed it to me--or anyone else for that matter-- so when I finally got my hands on it, I shot it. It took awhile to gain any kind of respect there and even after a couple strong games I still had a lukewarm reputation.
Many times I was laughed at. I could feel the weird looks too. Many of them never understood me. There was this forced interaction at first. It eventually warmed and I got to know the regulars, but there was always this distance. These weren't members of the church who were very warm and inviting. These were the kids coming off the streets near the church to stay out of trouble. In another coincidence, like my wedding many years later, I returned to teach middle school in this area. Buckeye fans would recognize the high school my students (and these kids) would go to as the home of Ted Ginn Jr. and Troy Smith, Glenville.
Regardless, each week I showed up. I shot my way onto a team and played the "every man for himself" style of basketball. I enjoyed the punch and cake or pretzels or whatever refreshments were there. I got into some interesting conversations with Fr. Tom who oversaw the whole thing. I even tried to talk to some of the girls there. Now THAT was a sight to see.
My point here is that this experience shaped much of who I am today. The silent urge to jack up shots any time I am open when I play basketball. My silence when I play with strangers. Also my interest in different religious topics and theology. My belief that religion/spirituality should be an experience not a ritual.
Finally, my last point is that I have been in a position of a minority. Although, I do understand I will never truly know what it is like to live as a minority every minute of every day, in the end, I still could go home to my safe, comfortable house and live easily. Regardless, I have put myself in that position and seen a glimpse. I even felt that uncomfortable feeling of being the only one like me around and watching other people react awkwardly as a result. I take pride in this.
I think that is a slice.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Footprints
I received a belated birthday card from my mother this week. In it she wrote an extended letter that was very heart warming. This hasn't been the first positive letter, email or phone call I have received from her, my father or other family, friends and loved ones recently. It has also been a tough time for me personally lately.
As I reflected on this fact I was reminded of the well known poem called "Footprints." I do not who wrote it but it was about a guy who walks down a beach and looks back at his footprints. These footprints represent his life. As he looked back he noticed there were two sets of footprints, one being his and the other being Jesus'. But during the hard times in his life one set was missing. The man was upset thinking he was abandoned during these times. But to his surprise, these were the times Jesus picked him up and carried him.
I realize this may come off as a bit religious and I proclaim not to be a religious person. Some of you may consider me a hypocrite. So be it. I have always liked the idea of this poem regardless of its religious connotation. There is this feeling of safety and security that comes with it.
The letter from my mother and the support of so many friends and loved ones over the past year and more has reminded me of this poem. In my own way I have had people pick me up and carry me during this stretch. It hasn't been one person, but many.
I am truly grateful to these people and their kindness and support.
As I reflected on this fact I was reminded of the well known poem called "Footprints." I do not who wrote it but it was about a guy who walks down a beach and looks back at his footprints. These footprints represent his life. As he looked back he noticed there were two sets of footprints, one being his and the other being Jesus'. But during the hard times in his life one set was missing. The man was upset thinking he was abandoned during these times. But to his surprise, these were the times Jesus picked him up and carried him.
I realize this may come off as a bit religious and I proclaim not to be a religious person. Some of you may consider me a hypocrite. So be it. I have always liked the idea of this poem regardless of its religious connotation. There is this feeling of safety and security that comes with it.
The letter from my mother and the support of so many friends and loved ones over the past year and more has reminded me of this poem. In my own way I have had people pick me up and carry me during this stretch. It hasn't been one person, but many.
I am truly grateful to these people and their kindness and support.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Birthday Post Hal Lebovitz Style
Hal Lebovitz was a sports writer for the News Herald, the local newspaper in the county where I grew up. By the time I began reading him religiously he had been around for decades and wrote for other papers (Cleveland News and Cleveland Plain Dealer) prior to my hometown Herald. But each weekend he had a column where he touched on a number of different topics regarding the Cleveland teams or other worthwhile, interesting tidbits about the sports world at that time. This was a part of my Sundays that I cherished. We would get home from church and I made a mad dash to the Sunday News Herald to see what Hal had to say. My earlier intentions to be a sportswriter for a career stemmed from this experience.
So today I am using his Sunday format to cover a number of topics I have wanted to touch in this blog but haven't had the time to address. I have some serious catching up to do. My birthday present to myself is this post with the Georgia v. Georgia Tech game on to my right and my ipod blasting a variety of favorite tunes to my left.
Here we go....I hope you enjoy and comment on one or more:
My Dark Period
I have been pretty open about my recent downturn in mood and feeling. Mostly it has been despair, sadness and worry. But underneath these emotions there is a lot of anger brewing. I can feel it come out over little things. I explode over things I should brush off. I get easily frustrated and aggravated. I have been examining the reasons why. I am trying to connect the dots and get to the core issue I must be dealing with so I can fix it.
I keep coming back to one point. This point is that I do not stick up for myself. My wife even recognizes it and has mentioned it. She says that by not defending myself I am accepting things as true. I'll be the first to admit I have a problem with confrontation. I hate it. As a result I have taken a lot of emotional punishment without doing anything about it and then internalized it way too much. Then I feel worse about being too much of a coward to stand up and confront my confrontation fear. I think much of my anger may be coming from this.
In the past I have tried to stick up for myself when I felt like I was being pushed around but then I look like a fool because people say I can't take a joke. They say I'm taking things too seriously or I am too emotional or I am overreacting. So the cycle continues and I try to take things as a joke. But then I hear plenty of negative comments and feel horrible about myself.
I want to start calling people out when they say stupid things about me to me. But I don't want to turn into an angry person either. I have tried to practice this idea of "breaking the chain" and not letting someone else's anger towards me create a negative response from me. I wanted to stop passing forward the bad in the world. I wanted to absorb the bad and "be the better person" in an attempt to make the world better. Yes, I realize this is very righteous or pious or whatever but I tried anyway.
Now I see the damage it is doing to me as an individual and I think it is time to unleash the beast. I could go on listing the issues I have with people's wrongful treatment but I have too much more to write. Just get ready. I am working my way to a point where I am going to seem very mean.
Ohio state Football
Believe it or not there are people in Columbus who are blaming Jim Tressel for a disappointing 10-2 season. They blame the coaching for losing to USC and Penn State. I admit the Big Ten is down which means the Buckeyes really didn't have any signature wins this year but c'mon! 10-2 is 10-2. More importantly it is 10-2 after back to back appearances in the BCS Title game. Has anybody seen the mighty LSU's record this year? Granted they are in tougher conference but they didn't beat anybody of any significance. You can't blame it all on LSU's QB drama earlier in the year because their defense stunk it up all year. It is not easy to maintain the kind of success Ohio State has had over the Tressel era. In his 8 years he has won a national title, played for two others, made BCS bowl games 5(maybe 6 if Oregon st loses a game) times, been in a bowl game every year, beaten our rival 7 times, and won or shared the Big Ten title at least 4 times (off the top of my head). Weak conference or not teams are bound for a let down in that time. OSU really has never had a major let down and when there has been one, it lasts one season. During this same period I can only think of USC and Texas (maybe Florida) as teams that have had the same consistent success. Get off Tressel people. We are lucky to have him.
Raising My Kid
I watched the OSU v. Michigan game at the house of a friend of mine. She used to work with me so another colleague from work was there as well. The game was a blowout allowing our conversation to meander away from sports and it found its way to the Bible. My colleague mentioned Proverbs as a good "book" to use with my daughter. This came about because I mentioned how there are a number of values from the Bible that I plan to instill in my child despite my personal issue with it. To clarify this statement I should say that it really isn't the Bible itself that I have a problem with but the people who constantly use it to support their erroneous, hateful and immoral views. The interpretation is the problem more than the book. I would also cite the narrow point of view many people have who use the Bible as the end all, be all reference to morality and goodness.
With all of this said, I am not a Bible hater. I feel there is so much that can be taken from that book like loving thy neighbor as thyself, the ten commandments, turning the other cheek, the idea that power and greed are the root of evil, giving to the poor and needy in spirit as well as more worldly needs, the importance to fight temptation and reality of it, making sacrifices and prayer. These and many more principles are concepts I find very valuable. While my daughter gets fed many things from the Bible on her mother's side, I am not going to fight it. Instead I want to make sure I direct it. She will NOT grow up thinking slavery is justified or homosexuality is immoral even though the Bible "says so." She WILL be allowed to speak up in church or to her husband. She doesn't need to grow up thinking she has to be submissive to her partner because the Bible "said so." I could go on.
My goal is to teach her these positive values of the Bible and to help as best I can to get her to understand the Bible was written in a variety of contexts and these contexts affected what was written. It is much like politics in that the different books were written to particular audiences with particular goals in mind. These things need to be considered when reading the Bible. I also want her to feel free to explore other religions and their teachings. Many times these other ways of thinking can provide a clearer point of view for someone. There are also numerous parallels. I continue to explore Buddhism and find similarities. Meditation and prayer are both important components of Christianity and Buddhism as well as sacrifice. I want my kid to feel free to discover this for herself. If I have any say in the matter, she will not be pigeon holed in one discipline.
Being a Moderate
My wife and I had a fantastic conversation on the ride up to our families for the holiday celebrating thanks (and genocide through small pox and violence). She is a die hard liberal and is very proud of it. She wants her values and beliefs to fall on the left side of the ledger every time. She believes that is the correct way of thinking.
Most of the time I fall on her side of things. But not always. This is where the conversation got interesting. As we discussed different issues, she proved her dedication and loyalty to liberalism. I, on the other hand, demonstrated that I have no urge whatsoever to be placed in one particular category. I don't like being labeled liberal or conservative (contrary to a friend's belief that I support liberal issues only because it is "cool" and I want to be liberal because my college professors influenced me and my peers to be). I don't want to be put in a box like that. When I determine my stance on different topics, issues or whatever I like to examine them on their own merit and particular circumstances. I then try to base my stance on my own value system. Whether it is conservative or liberal doesn't matter to me. While I do admit I fall on the liberal side more often than not, I wouldn't call myself that at all. That is fine.
What is most interesting about this is that I try to take things on a case by case basis so I can make sure I am consistent in terms of my personal values as opposed to my political stance, but sometimes it creates contradictions. So in an effort to avoid contradictions I am actually creating contradictions within my views or opinions.
John Brown
I continue to read "Lies My Teacher Told Me: What American History Textbooks Got Wrong" by James Loewen. I recently finished a section about John Brown and his treatment or lack thereof in our textbooks. I find this man and his story fascinating. In high school textbooks he is described as this crazed, militant abolitionist. Loewen even shows two pictures of him (pg 177) with one normal portrait next to a wild, long haired, long bearded man with a crazed look in his eye. According to Loewen, he was a well spoken, well read, intelligent man who proved so in his words during his trial for treason as well as his letters to his family and in his diary. He was well aware of the contradiction our country was demonstrating through slavery. He also knew of the inner struggle we were dealing with in regards to it. He wrote just before his execution that the only way these "crimes" of slavery would be "purged" from our country would be "with blood." (pg 175) As we know, it took the bloody Civil War to finally put an end to slavery.
In 1854 the Kansas-Nebraska Act tried to deal with slavery by leaving the decision to those who settled there. Farmers from the North rushed in to establish it a "free soil" state while most Southern slave owners didn't make the move. But a number of slave owners from Missouri would cross the border to intimidate and terrorize the settlers in an effort to sway things towards slavery. (Loewen p. 173-174) Brown, an abolitionist with family in Kansas, countered by attacking and killing a number of these "terrorists." Later, Brown led a slave revolt in Harper's Ferry, Virginia where he would be caught by Robert E. Lee, eventually tried and hanged for treason.
What is interesting here is that history textbooks up to as late as the 1970s and some even later, painted Brown as the bad guy. They would even go as far as stating the slaves didn't want to revolt despite the evidence that Loewen presents to the contrary. This is a southern justification for slavery that I have noticed in other parts of the book. There seemed to be a consistent attempt to convince us that slaves actually did not mind being enslaved. While I don't specifically remember being taught this, the textbooks being used across the country during my years in school were openly presenting this idea of acceptance of slavery by the slaves themselves.
What the textbooks miss out on is bringing American History alive by presenting John Brown in a way that can demonstrate the very real inner struggle our country has been dealing with for centuries regarding slavery and racism. There were so many economic issues and states rights issues that played roles in the Civil War too but they were tied into the prevailing racism that took place and still takes place today. High school students could have some unbelievably interesting and enlightening discussions about race and slavery if we would look at people like John Brown and his ideas, beliefs and questionable actions to promote and support those thoughts. Abraham Lincoln was a great president who really did want to eradicate slavery from our country and knew it was a BIG cause of and factor in the Civil War, but he too struggled with his personal racism. On one hand he referred to African Americans as "niggers" but on the other he felt guilty and sick about seeing slaves shackled on a train he rode. Nobody wants to see the racial slurs Lincoln used or hear about Washington and Jefferson owning slaves, cheating on their wives or in Jefferson's case being an atheist. But I think we can present these "heroes" to our high school students in a way that demonstrates their flaws and shows how they accomplished a good bit despite their shortcomings and how these contradictions created interesting situations and discussion points. It doesn't need to be this pure, constant line of progress because it wasn't. Our history has had its ups and downs, progress and set backs, successes and failures and they all have affected how things are today.
LeBron James in 2010
Charles Barkley was on a radio show and called out James in regards to his open dialogue about possibly playing in New York in 2010. He said LeBron should not be so open about it. He plays for the Cavs and will for two more seasons and needs to quit talking about the Knicks or Nets. James responded by calling Barkley "stupid."
I am finding myself more and more anti-LeBron. It is hard to do. He is so, very good, plays for my team and seems like a good guy. But I will not be held hostage by him and I am getting tired of this game. No player should be bigger than the team. Even LeBron. I have been worried about this happeneing. This is one of the things I hated about Jordan.
He became bigger than the Bulls. In fact the NBA as a whole fell out of graces with me as a result. Then the new generation of stars came about. Among them, James who seemed like a team first guy on the court. Combine that with being on my team and I was fine with James and his Jordanesque persona.Now I am getting tired of it. At first, I wanted to write about how the national media needs to shut up about NYC and LeBron and buy a clue that Cleveland is also putting themselves in position to sign LeBron in 2010. They will be in the BEST position to re-sign him to be honest. But we don't hear that on ESPN. Also, we will have enough to get ANOTHER stud that is available that year. ESPN, FOX and other national media outlets won't tell you that.
Instead, I almost want James gone. I don't want to contribute to the "player bigger than the team" concept. Correct or incorrect, true or false....that is what's stupid Mr. James.
(This Georgia v. Ga Tech rivalry game has been pretty fun to watch....especially the second half.)
Friday, March 21, 2008
Good Friday
Today Christians around the world celebrated Good Friday although "celebrated" may not be the correct word. Good Friday represents the crucification of Jesus Christ. Therefore, I am not so sure it is something one celebrates although the purpose was to free us from sin so I suppose that would be something worth celebrating.
I have blogged my feelings on Christianity and personal experience with it as I was raised Catholic. And I have been open with my questioning of this experience and how I am proceeding through my journey of spirituality.
I find myself thinking about the story of Jesus' resurrection each year about this time though. It is a story that I appreciate and respect. I take alot from it. I usually recall a movie I saw several decades ago as a child when we first got cable. My visions of what it all looked like come from that movie. I would like to share with you my thoughts regarding this beautiful and powerful story.
There are three things I take from the story. They are: faith, strength and fortitude, and leading by example. These are three lessons I have tried to apply to my life. At times I am more successful than others but I maintain the goal to live by these.
FAITH.....After Jesus was buried it is well known that he rose from his grave in three days. I believe it was Mary Magdeline (if not another of the woman apostles that are never recognized as apostles) who found the empty grave. She ran back to report to the others who traveled with Jesus and followed his teachings but only two believed her and ran back. I may be off on some details and apologize to Christians who may be particular about these things. But to be honest, since most of you pick and choose what details you are "on" or "off" with in the Bible, I can do the same. So I am not THAT sorry. My point is how difficult yet important it is to have faith in what you believe. Think of how difficult it was during those three days for that group of persecuted people who had their leader and inspiration killed waiting for this claim of resurrection to occur.
STRENGTH AND FORTITUDE....We all deal with our "crosses to bear" in life. And this story is exactly where that saying came from. I remember the scene of Jesus being convicted and receiving the crown of thorns followed by the long walk through the city streets carrying the cross as crowds of people taunted him. All as he knew he was walking to his painful death. Throughout this whole ordeal he stayed the course. He knew the importance of what he was doing. At the cross he was stabbed, spit on, nailed to wood and left to die a slow death. He showed unbelieveable strength and fortitude. How bad is what we go through in comparison to this? I understand he is God but this is still a lesson for us to learn. We need to maintain our focus and strength no matter how bad things are. I really have a hard, hard time with this in my life.
LEADING BY EXAMPLE.......Through these series of events and his life as a whole, Jesus gave us a model of how to handle ourselves. he was a perfect example of strength, class, intelligence, patience, goodness, love, care and much more. There is something behind those WWJD things as silly as they seem some times. As a teacher and a father and an adult, it is critical that I lead by example. I need to "be the better person." I need to rise above my human emotions and do the right thing. We all do. I have tried really, really hard to do this in my interaction with my daughter's mother (my baby's mama). There have been many times I have been extremely frustrated and bit my lip for what I thought was the greater good for my daughter and myself. But it is not easy.
I find myself taking shots a radical Bible thumpers. I am not comfortable limiting my spirituality to particular dogmas or theologies. I prefer finding my way to the truth without limitations or exclusion. But this doesn't mean I am anti-Bible or Christianity or any other particular belief system. There are plenty of beautiful stories and lessons that can be taken and I try to take them.
I have blogged my feelings on Christianity and personal experience with it as I was raised Catholic. And I have been open with my questioning of this experience and how I am proceeding through my journey of spirituality.
I find myself thinking about the story of Jesus' resurrection each year about this time though. It is a story that I appreciate and respect. I take alot from it. I usually recall a movie I saw several decades ago as a child when we first got cable. My visions of what it all looked like come from that movie. I would like to share with you my thoughts regarding this beautiful and powerful story.
There are three things I take from the story. They are: faith, strength and fortitude, and leading by example. These are three lessons I have tried to apply to my life. At times I am more successful than others but I maintain the goal to live by these.
FAITH.....After Jesus was buried it is well known that he rose from his grave in three days. I believe it was Mary Magdeline (if not another of the woman apostles that are never recognized as apostles) who found the empty grave. She ran back to report to the others who traveled with Jesus and followed his teachings but only two believed her and ran back. I may be off on some details and apologize to Christians who may be particular about these things. But to be honest, since most of you pick and choose what details you are "on" or "off" with in the Bible, I can do the same. So I am not THAT sorry. My point is how difficult yet important it is to have faith in what you believe. Think of how difficult it was during those three days for that group of persecuted people who had their leader and inspiration killed waiting for this claim of resurrection to occur.
STRENGTH AND FORTITUDE....We all deal with our "crosses to bear" in life. And this story is exactly where that saying came from. I remember the scene of Jesus being convicted and receiving the crown of thorns followed by the long walk through the city streets carrying the cross as crowds of people taunted him. All as he knew he was walking to his painful death. Throughout this whole ordeal he stayed the course. He knew the importance of what he was doing. At the cross he was stabbed, spit on, nailed to wood and left to die a slow death. He showed unbelieveable strength and fortitude. How bad is what we go through in comparison to this? I understand he is God but this is still a lesson for us to learn. We need to maintain our focus and strength no matter how bad things are. I really have a hard, hard time with this in my life.
LEADING BY EXAMPLE.......Through these series of events and his life as a whole, Jesus gave us a model of how to handle ourselves. he was a perfect example of strength, class, intelligence, patience, goodness, love, care and much more. There is something behind those WWJD things as silly as they seem some times. As a teacher and a father and an adult, it is critical that I lead by example. I need to "be the better person." I need to rise above my human emotions and do the right thing. We all do. I have tried really, really hard to do this in my interaction with my daughter's mother (my baby's mama). There have been many times I have been extremely frustrated and bit my lip for what I thought was the greater good for my daughter and myself. But it is not easy.
I find myself taking shots a radical Bible thumpers. I am not comfortable limiting my spirituality to particular dogmas or theologies. I prefer finding my way to the truth without limitations or exclusion. But this doesn't mean I am anti-Bible or Christianity or any other particular belief system. There are plenty of beautiful stories and lessons that can be taken and I try to take them.
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