The Bad In Life Is Good

I sat in a rush hour traffic jam this evening thinking about a number of different things including how odd it is for me to say, "Think of how far I've come?" I was thinking of my personal well being and happiness.

I felt it is odd because the answer varies based on how long of a span within your life you look.

For example: If I compare my life now to 2003 and 2004, my life has come a tremendously long way back from some very dark times to some very happy times. But if I compare my life now to my years in college and soon thereafter, it is about the same. I was pretty happy and content with my life back then too. So I haven't come a long way at all.

Like Obi Won Kanobi said in Jedi, "It's all a matter of how you look at it." That's the quote as I remember it anyway.

Then I thought how I can easily identify the worst time of my life. The worst moment. The worst experience. The worst year. But I can't pinpoint my single best moment, experience or year.

What was better? My wedding? The birth of my daughters? The 1997 Rose Bowl with my Dad? Graduations? First kiss or any other firsts?

I'm extremely fortunate to have a number of experiences that can be thrown in a steel cage match of sorts to battle it out for the top spot.

This led me to comparing my nightmare of 2003-2004 with the dreadful years in middle school. Those middle school "issues" I dealt with seem so petty and overblown in comparison to the heavy stuff I dealt with later. Yet I handled myself so much better through the stress of 03-04. Obviously, being an adult with more perspective helped.

If I looked back on my life in the midst of my family falling apart before my eyes in health and status to my years of near depression in 8th grade, would I have felt I came a long way?

Today's vantage point would lead me to believe that yes, I have come a long way. In fact, it was those two periods of my life that have truly defined who I am. I needed my daughter's health issue to wake me up and force me to grow up and demonstrate better responsibility as a father. This is not to say I was a bad father at that time. It is to say that this experience has brought out the best in me.

The end of my marriage needed to happen for my well being and happiness and I sincerely believe it has led to a better life for my ex and our daughter. Forcing that marriage to continue would have led to a life of indifference and resentment. We have all moved on and have grown to a point that is much more healthy today. There is still more work to be done, but if there wasn't then what will I look to in the future to measure how far I have come from now?

More validation came in the summer of 2008. I dealt with two losses in my life. My grandmother passed and my unborn daughter to be passed away. These experiences happened so close together in May and June that much of the emotion blurs together. But as I left that summer, I had this calm, soothing feeling in my soul. The grieving I did that summer took me to place I needed to be. It was a place I wouldn't have been had I not learned and grown from the other hardships.

One could conceivably say that those worst periods of my life have been the best. The strength they required and the maturity I showed have provided proof that I am a better person than I often think. I used to worry I would fold in tough times. But I can now say I know I won't. I know I didn't in the past.

Tough times don't last. Tough people do.

I'll never think or act like I'd win a fist fight. But I can handle the mental battles that life brings. I can outlast hardship. And I can do what it takes to regain my well-being and happiness.

I can because I did.

Finally, I realize my difficulty pales in comparison to many troubles others have. By no means do I attempt to compare myself to them or compete with them for who has had tougher times. I doubt I could handle many of the things others have dealt with throughout history or around the world as we speak. If anything, my experiences have taught me just how much respect and admiration I have for people dealing with much tougher stresses than I have dealt with in my life.

The One Block Rule: A Tribute To My Brother

Next week I will fly to Chicago to celebrate my brother's graduation from Kellogg, one of the most prestigious business schools in the U.S. It should be a great weekend for him and our family as we all share our pride with him and witness the finality of this accomplishment.

It is a well deserved honor for him. My brother is one of the most driven, hard working, intelligent people I know. You don't graduate from The Ohio State University with honors and then work in Sweden for two years only to follow up with two years in Evanston, earning an MBA with newborn twins to boot without having some drive and intelligence.

Of course, let's make sure credit is given where credit is due here. He married a very special woman who played an important role in all of this as well. She uprooted her life to move across the ocean and travel the world with him as a newlywed. She also carried the majority of the load with those boys while he was hard at work studying and working.

As much as I respect and admire my brother, my sister-in-law deserves and has a great deal of respect, admiration and love from me as well.

I've watched my brother grow up from the day he was brought home from the hospital. We shared a room growing up and I have many memories wanting him out. I managed to convince him to move into the walk-in closet we had so I could have the whole room. Later, we put up a blanket in that same closet to divide it into our own personal, "private" spaces.

Despite these efforts, we spent a good bit of time together growing up. We shared a number of similar interests and friends. Only two years apart in age, we also attended high school and college at the same time.

When I left to attend Ohio State, he joined my Dad to help me move. I knew my roommate from high school and was aware that he wouldn't move in until the day after I did, so my brother even spent my first night in the dorm with me.

If this wasn't enough, when it was his turn to leave for college he chose Ohio State as well, following in my steps......or so I'd like to think. My brother more than made footsteps of his own.

After he and his roommate decided they were done living in the dorms after their freshman year, they moved in with me. All those years of trying to get away from one another and here we were choosing to live together. Granted, this time around we had our own rooms, but my point is still valid.

I have had first hand experience watching my brother bust his rear end studying and working and attaining high marks in school. I have witnessed how he interacted with people and situations. I saw his mistakes and accomplishments. I observed him grow up and mature and become who he is today.

The whole time I watched with awe. I was the older brother, but all too often I was learning from him. That has been hard to take sometimes. It is humbling to be the apprentice when you are traditionally supposed to be the master. But I would like to think that is more of a testament to him than a strike against me.

Long gone are the days of the "One Block Rule." I always reference this story because it is a perfect example of the changing of the guard that took place between us. There once was a day, believe it or not, that I would dominate our one-on-one basketball games in the driveway. This was about the time I hit my growth spurt and he still had a couple of years before he would hit his own.

My advantage in height allowed me to block so many of his shots that it became pointless for us to play. So we agreed to the "one block rule" that limited me to one block per game. This way he could get shots off and our games were much more competitive.

Today there is no need for that rule. He has surpassed me in athletic ability. I couldn't block his shot if my life depended on it. But the chemistry that developed from those hours in our driveway playing hotly contested basketball games, working the give and go to perfection versus our neighbors and creating football routes like P2 in the bushes in which no defender north of I-90 could stop, led to a relationship and a host of memories that I'll take over athletic superiority.

I also like to use this story to grab some credit in my brother's development and success. I would like to think that this rule ignited a fire in him that burns to this day. I'd like to think this need to beat his brother in basketball translated into other aspects of his life.

It may be stretch but I'll openly admit I am grasping for some of his coat tails.

I have a ton of respect for my brother. He and I have a good bit in common but we are very different in the way we approach and handle things. While he continues to downplay this achievement, I and the rest of his family are excited to celebrate a major accomplishment in his life. He may be humble about it but I have no problem picking up the slack and bragging about my brother and his MBA from the Kellogg School Of Business at Northwestern University.

A College Football Saturday

Here are a couple of things swirling in my head this Saturday as I watch as much football as I can:

**Go Michigan!**

Yes, I said it and meant it. Those of you who love the crazy Buckeye fan reputation I have earned may think "What the?!" But think about this. As a fellow Big Ten school a true Buckeye fan WANTS Michigan to win these nonconference games. It was really fun watching them lose to App St. last year. I wouldn't trade that for the world. The look on the young UM fan's faces was pricelss. Those smug, arrogant kids had nothing to say. But that is not something we want to happen every year. Losing to Utah today hurts us. It is another blow to the Big Ten's reputation. A Big Ten conference in which our Buckeyes are a member. We need Michigan and every other Big Ten team to sweep all of their nonconference games.

In addition, they are our rival. It is so much better for the rivalry and in my opinion when both squads are dominating. Maybe I am from the old school. I like Michigan to win every game up to The Game. Then I want them to win their bowl game unless it's the National Championship. I draw the line there. I just can't handle that. But otherwise, Michigan needs to win. It means more. It adds more. It is just, plain better. This new generation of fans that take the bitterness for Michigan to the extreme is thinking backwards. I used to be that way too I guess, but with the App St game in our back pocket forever, I don't need to be. I dislike those Michigan fans. I hate those colors. I cringe at the memories of Charles Woodson, Desmond Howard and Tim Biakabutuka. I still hold alot of pain and hatred in my heart for the 90s. But revenge is best served when we beat them and it means something. It hurts them much more when their bid for an undefeated season goes down to us. It hurts even more when we are also undefeated. That is the true taste of sweet revenge. Even more than watching them lose to App St. or Utah.


**Beanie Wells**

So what's the deal? He was carted off the field. Then he walks back out onto the field. The X-rays were negative. He has done this before. Is he pulling a Loyacano? Does he have some toughness issues? Or is this serious? I'm just saying. There is a trend here. Regardless, he is a stud on the field and we need him there. But not against OU. I love Brandon Saine and I would love to see him play. So let's rest Wells against OU no matter what and hope he is ready to go against USC.


**GameDay**

I love going to games. I love the gameday atmosphere. Today was nothing like it is when the students are back and it is a conference game or a late season game, but the tradition, the memories in that place. I absolutely love it.


**Week One**

The Bucks looked good today. The defense was pretty much on lock down. At onoe point in the second half YSU only had 55 total yards of offense. The offense looked smooth and flowed well sans in the red zone. The kickers kicked well. A number of players got to play. The offense played a clean game with no turnovers and the defense forced a few. They scored 43 points and gave up zero. They controlled the clock and the game. Next up: OU Bobcats.


**Terrelle Pryor**

I was very pleased with Pryor's debut. He could have come out and looked overwhelmed. He could have come out and played mediocre. But he was very impressive. He showed he could drop back. He showed he could play from the shot gun. He showed a little option. He rushed. He passed. The passes looked accurate. He didn't seem flustered in the pocket. He demonstrated athleticism and poise. He was able to complete his first pass. He was able to score a touchdown. It was critical that he had some success in his first outing. He gained confidence and has plenty to look at in film to study and critique and get better. He will have to. Today's game has won me over.

Father's Day

I have blogged about being a Father, which I take very seriously as you have noticed. I am very proud of being a Father. Today, in honor of Father's Day, I would like to pay tribute to my Father who has been my model for Fatherhood and how I try raise my daughter and child to be.


My Dad has taught me as much as any Father. He has shown me how to be a man, husband, son, neighbor, friend, trusted set of ears, shoulder to cry on, financial advisor, emotional supporter, teacher, coach and good person.

I want to share with you how much respect and love I have for my Dad through several stories from my life that highlight his best qualities.

Money
Growing up he would give us an allowance every Friday regardless of whether we did our chores or not. I remember thinking that we were getting away with highway robbery but later found out that his goal was not so much to get us to do chores, (I think he was pretty lax in that department but also figured we should do that regardless of allowance) but to teach us to handle money appropriately. By giving us a "ration" each week and then holding us to it when we wanted to buy that candy bar staring at us waiting in line at the store, we were forced with the decision of how important that treat was to us. Through those experiences we learned the scarcity of money. It also probably got us off his back when we were at the store by getting us to quit begging him for stuff which can be awfully annoying for a parent (or teacher).

Education
I also remember how much emphasis he put on grades. He was of the belief that all three of us were more than capable of getting all A's and we were. He knew the gene pool we came from and it was unlikely two extremely intelligent people like my parents would have offspring that just could not get A's. But he also knew that A's took work. So as we grew older and our friends were dealing with authoritative parents trying to keep them out of trouble, Dad would continue to point to the grades as an indicator of our behavior and prospects of success later in life.

I understand this method could be debated and wouldn't work for every kid, but that was the greatness of my Father. He knew his kids. He knew this method would work with us. He let alot of things go, but he didn't give an inch on grades. I never got that feel good "atta boy, son!" for a B. Shoot, even A's were treated as expected. When I faltered in college, he immediately lit a fire under my butt that propelled me to the A's I should have earned long before. As grown adults, my brother and sister and I have managed to get where we are now rather successfully albeit totally different places (i.e. teaching, business and entertainment), in large part due to our education.

I am grateful he did this because even though I didn't consistently get the 4.0 that my siblings did (for reasons that can be blogged about later), it was a tangible motivator for me that instilled this value for education and success later in college.

Being the Better Person
My Dad has been a model for me in numerous facets of life. One way is the grace, maturity and compassion that he handled the divorce with my mom. It couldn't have been an easy thing for him to deal with, yet he was so supportive, understanding and caring through the whole thing. The way he continues to handle his relationship with my mother is admirable. Instead of being bitter and resentful, he has shown how humans should treat each other keeping an eye on what really is important. He continues to support her as she does him. He made sure things were done for the best of all parties involved. Obviously, no one can say it was an easy transition, but it could have been so much worse.

As I have dealt with divorce myself, I have tried to be the same way. Now that I am "in his shoes," I appreciate just how mature and strong he has been with the whole thing. It is such a slippery slope into those negative feelings of anger, self-pity and bitterness. But from my point of view, he never came close. To this day he defends my mother's side and never complains.

Definition of Strength
If you have been reading this blog or know me personally, you have probably noticed that I don't fall into that stereotypical "manly man" category. My Dad taught me through example that strength is much more broad than muscles and ability to hold in your emotions. I can credit my mom for wearing my heart on my sleeve, but my Dad showed me that sometimes that is ok. He welcomed the opportunity to allow me to cry on his shoulder. I still remember leaving a mark on the shoulder of his nice shirt after church or some dress up event one day in the living room sitting on the piano bench. He wasn't the least bit bothered by it. He was quick to give me a hug if I looked distraught. He also was willing to be the one to give in when we argued to make peace....even though I was obviously out of line.

He showed me strength wasn't always being the "man," but being the better man. Sometimes justice wasn't as important as peace. Doing what is right is more important than winning. I am not sure he directly told me this, but showed me it through his actions.

Financial Advisor
As I entered adulthood and began buying cars and houses and insurance and making decisions about retirement and so on, I would call Dad (and will continue to do so) before I'd pull the trigger on anything. Before I knew it, he would come calling with a spreadsheet and thorough explanation of all my options and their effects. Without him, who knows where I would be right now.

Support System
During any time of need my Dad has been there in anyway I needed at the drop of a hat. When my daughter was in the hospital, he never hesitated to pack his emergency bag, tie up his loose end responsibilities and drive down I-71 to be there with me. Whether it meant standing by my side with a hand on my shoulder, providing me with that shoulder again to cry on, take notes of what the doctors were saying, asking questions I couldn't get out in the midst of my mind running a million miles a second, going home to make sure my house is ok or to get me a change of clothes, running down to pay for more time parking or move the car to the garage, finding the vending machines, looking for times the cafeteria would be open, calling other family members and the list goes on, he would be there to do it all and more.

I remembered this last month when my grandmother, his mother passed away. My knee-jerk reaction was, "I gotta get up there to be with him." It must have been instinct because I was programmed that way from my experience on the other side.


And I can't end this section without mentioning his undying support of his mother as she progressed through Alzheimer's. Again, a tough, tough situation to handle yet he dealt with it with such grace and love. He visited her everyday and advocated for her 100% for 100% of the time. She was able to live a comfortable and pleasant life to the end because of his unending support and care.

Mr. Fix-it
Oh yes, Dad couldn't fix much. Paying somebody else to fix it was the best solution. I think his favorite tool was the pen. A pen to write the check. I am my Father's son!
Sports
I can't end this post without mentioning one of my favorite memories of my Dad. While he never was the type of Father to push me into sports or expect me to be this great athlete, he was such a great fan. I played so many years of soccer and a number of years playing city league baseball and softball in my childhood but nothing stands out as much as my dad standing on the sidelines away from the other parents cheering me on and yelling encouragement from the sidelines. Whether it was screaming to back up another defender or yelling the name of an open teammate to pass the ball to, he was so into it and I loved every minute of it. Finally, I loved the numerous driveway basketball games or frontyard football games that he would play with us. He was always the dad that got out there with us and played along....even now, bowling with is granddaughter.


That's my awesome Dad. I'm trying to be the same kind of Dad to my kids because of his awesomeness.

I am very lucky...

You have read me wax on about my Huey Karma. If you know me, you have heard me talk pessimistically about things in my life. I mentioned in the past I have had horrible luck when things go wrong inexplicably. My parents have spun it another way by stating how it could be considered good luck because these "bad" things could have easily been much worse. Plus, there are many people in the world with situations or events MUCH worse.

Agreed.

But I feel I am lucky for other reasons as well. I met a woman 12 years ago that has proven my good fortune. It was a chance meeting playing on the same coed softball team at Ohio State. Common conversation led to some common ground. Thus began a friendship that meandered through a number of different periods. We both followed different paths over the next decade never straying too far from one another to lose touch. But never able to get too close due to our other relationships.

Over the following decade we lived in different states. We would go months without talking. We lived contrasting lifestyles. I was married. I had a kid. But something kept us in contact with one another. Sometimes it would not be a conscious or tangible connection. We just never let go of each other's email or phone number. Even with no emails or calls to one another, we kept them.....just in case I suppose.

Then when our friendship was probably at its most minimal in terms of communication, I found myself in need of her without really realizing this specifically. We just so happened to find each other again. As luck would have it, She was one who could best help me in this time of need. A simple voicemail to touch base turned into daily emails and intentional visits.

So at precisely the same time, we reached low points in our lives. Then we just so happened to be back to hanging out and talking regularly like the first summer we knew each other. Coincidence? Luck? In my case I had many loving people rally behind me during my low point. That alone shows the good fortune I have. I have had some wonderful relationships in my life. My family, my friends, my work colleagues, they all supported me in their own unique ways and helped make a difficult time for me rather easy. My friend also found a support system that has helped her. But the person who ended up playing the largest role for me was this friend working through her own difficulty.

Now this woman is my wife. She has gone from a good friend to more of an acquantice to my closest, most trusted relationship. She has been a tremendous role model to my daughter. She has been so loving and understanding of me. She tries so hard to be the best she can be taking it one day at a time. She has dealt with all my character defects and numerous stresses that come with entering a relationship with someone who already has a child in stride, with eloquence I could never mimic.

I have so much respect for this angel. I love her with all my heart. I give her the best and worst of me and she takes it all. She motivates me and makes me a better person despite my resistance much of the time.

Somehow she sees something in me to go through so much and stay. She has dropped everything to move to Columbus with me. That is not easy. She is basically starting her whole life over down here. I am so appreciative of this. I couldn't bear moving away from my daughter. I can barely go overnight without seeing her when she is with her mom. My loving wife knows this and has allowed me this luxury. I am forever grateful. Now she shares this as she begins to love my daughter and build a wonderful relationhsip with her.


I am so lucky that at just the right time she and I reconnected. A year earlier, a year later and that would not have happened. Had we tried to take our friendship in another direction at any point in that decade we may never had had this opportunity. We would just be memories to each other. But that never happened.

That's some good karma.

Fear my Family....

Some know this story well. Others have heard it but laugh. More have heard and forgotten. If you do not fall in any of these categories read on and mark this as your warning.

I have capabilities not even I understand yet. It is a power I must use for good and not evil. If I can learn to control it, you better not step in my way.....or my offspring.

Let me begin. Through my entire life I have had dreams. These vivid dreams seem very real. While nothing about this is unusual, many of them come true. I also get "vibes" about things. Again, nothing different than most people but these "vibes" come true more often than not. Of course I believe in my heart that every single human being has this power but does not appreciate it or harness it properly. I have joked in the past about how I am phsycic but as time goes on I really am starting to believe it. Don't forget the phenomenom that is The Huey Karma passed on down from the Matthews side as well.

Now here is the scary part. This you should fear. Over a decade and a half ago the Cleveland Cavaliers (you knew sports would be tied in wouldn't you?) played the New Jersey Nets, Boston Celtics and Chicago Bulls in the playoffs. Each team had a star player that destroyed the Cavs. In the first round, Drazen Petrovic of the Nets lit up the Cavs' defense from behind the arc. It was brutal to watch and I almost lost my mind. I swore up and down that I wanted that man dead or hurt. Fortunately, (or unfortunately to the rest of the world) the Cavs won that series and moved on to Boston. The Celtics had a young rising star in Reggie Lewis. Once again, the Cavs had no answer for the star. Again, I swore up and down that I wanted that man dead or hurt. But the Cavs managed to escape and move on again. Next up were the Chicago Bulls who, as everyone knows, had one of the greatest basketball players of all time in Micheal Jordan. Continuing the pattern, he lit up the Cavs and I swore to the rooftops that this man must be brought down. The Bulls won.

Later that offseason I read the paper and noticed Drazen Petrovic was in a fatal car accident in Germany. "Oh man, that sucks," I thought. "He was in his prime." Then I read that Reggie Lewis had a heart condition. He then passed away as a result. "Oh my. This is tragic," I reflected. Finally, Jordan retired for the first time.

Suddenly I connected the dots. "Oh no! All three of those deaths were players I wanted dead....figuratively!" I felt a shadow of guilt fall over me. Was I the reason they died? Did I cause their death? Did I bring it upon them?

Jordan's deal with the Devil was so strong that not even my secret power could keep him down. He returned to the NBA...twice...and won more NBA rings. But while he escaped death, he couldn't remain in the NBA until he left for his baseball experiment.

Ever since I have tried to keep my mouth censored in my rage against opponents singlehandedly dominating my teams. While I want them to stop, I don't truly want them dead. That is where I draw the line.

This power is not limited to me. My grandfather attended a Cleveland Indians game at the Old Cleveland Municipal Stadium, the Grand Old Lady on the Lake, soon after the Indians won their last World Series. The experience was so bad and the service was so horrible that he left with my grandmother swearing to NEVER return to an Indians game again in that stadium and that they would never win a championship again in THAT stadium. As a result of his boycott he never saw just how even worse the stadium got decades later with troughs for bathrooms and leaking pipes and long poles in the middle of your view. Not to mention the metal seats. But I have my own, nostalgic opinion about that.

Well...the Tribe has yet to win a World Series since. They never won another in that stadium. In fact, they struggled to be competitive until the move to Jacob's Field (now Progressive) in 1994.

Coincidence?

I don't know if I believe in coinciences anymore. Everything just may happen for a reason after all. And the suffering of my fellow fans and those individual players may be the work of my family.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

(And I am working on getting Pa to lift the Curse of the Tribe. He already said the move was good enough. But I haven't seen a trophy yet.)

Quick Quiz...I am getting old

I texted some good friends this question:

How many current NBA coaches were players during our years of watching the NBA regularly and who are they? Circa 85-86 season and on.

Without hesitation my buddy Ernie living out on the west coast (and 3 hours earlier than the early morning time of the text) chimed in first and nailed it.

Can you?

This is a Community Post...You must add to the list!

I want to compile a list of awesome sports experiences. Let's relive some of our favorite memories, emotions, experiences.

I'll start it off:
Going to old Cleveland Municipal Stadium in the winter months for Browns games. I fondly remember walking out to the stands and looking at the field goal posts. Scanning the field as the players were warming up with their long sleeves on. Blowing into their hands because of the cold. I loved the passion of the fans and the noise of the crowd and screaming my lungs out for every play.

I had similar feelings walking into the same stadium on hot summer evenings or afternoons to watch the Tribe and its collection of scrub players that I still adored. I loved begging to God that we get a foul ball hit to us knowing that sitting in the general admission seats near the foul poles was the best place to get them.

Oh there are so many more....I will save them for my follow up comments.

So join in. Give us your moments. They can be live at the game or watching from tv. They can be personal like your high school state championship. Whatever. Just keep it sports related. We can share concert moments or job moments or whatever later.