Father's Day

I have blogged about being a Father, which I take very seriously as you have noticed. I am very proud of being a Father. Today, in honor of Father's Day, I would like to pay tribute to my Father who has been my model for Fatherhood and how I try raise my daughter and child to be.


My Dad has taught me as much as any Father. He has shown me how to be a man, husband, son, neighbor, friend, trusted set of ears, shoulder to cry on, financial advisor, emotional supporter, teacher, coach and good person.

I want to share with you how much respect and love I have for my Dad through several stories from my life that highlight his best qualities.

Money
Growing up he would give us an allowance every Friday regardless of whether we did our chores or not. I remember thinking that we were getting away with highway robbery but later found out that his goal was not so much to get us to do chores, (I think he was pretty lax in that department but also figured we should do that regardless of allowance) but to teach us to handle money appropriately. By giving us a "ration" each week and then holding us to it when we wanted to buy that candy bar staring at us waiting in line at the store, we were forced with the decision of how important that treat was to us. Through those experiences we learned the scarcity of money. It also probably got us off his back when we were at the store by getting us to quit begging him for stuff which can be awfully annoying for a parent (or teacher).

Education
I also remember how much emphasis he put on grades. He was of the belief that all three of us were more than capable of getting all A's and we were. He knew the gene pool we came from and it was unlikely two extremely intelligent people like my parents would have offspring that just could not get A's. But he also knew that A's took work. So as we grew older and our friends were dealing with authoritative parents trying to keep them out of trouble, Dad would continue to point to the grades as an indicator of our behavior and prospects of success later in life.

I understand this method could be debated and wouldn't work for every kid, but that was the greatness of my Father. He knew his kids. He knew this method would work with us. He let alot of things go, but he didn't give an inch on grades. I never got that feel good "atta boy, son!" for a B. Shoot, even A's were treated as expected. When I faltered in college, he immediately lit a fire under my butt that propelled me to the A's I should have earned long before. As grown adults, my brother and sister and I have managed to get where we are now rather successfully albeit totally different places (i.e. teaching, business and entertainment), in large part due to our education.

I am grateful he did this because even though I didn't consistently get the 4.0 that my siblings did (for reasons that can be blogged about later), it was a tangible motivator for me that instilled this value for education and success later in college.

Being the Better Person
My Dad has been a model for me in numerous facets of life. One way is the grace, maturity and compassion that he handled the divorce with my mom. It couldn't have been an easy thing for him to deal with, yet he was so supportive, understanding and caring through the whole thing. The way he continues to handle his relationship with my mother is admirable. Instead of being bitter and resentful, he has shown how humans should treat each other keeping an eye on what really is important. He continues to support her as she does him. He made sure things were done for the best of all parties involved. Obviously, no one can say it was an easy transition, but it could have been so much worse.

As I have dealt with divorce myself, I have tried to be the same way. Now that I am "in his shoes," I appreciate just how mature and strong he has been with the whole thing. It is such a slippery slope into those negative feelings of anger, self-pity and bitterness. But from my point of view, he never came close. To this day he defends my mother's side and never complains.

Definition of Strength
If you have been reading this blog or know me personally, you have probably noticed that I don't fall into that stereotypical "manly man" category. My Dad taught me through example that strength is much more broad than muscles and ability to hold in your emotions. I can credit my mom for wearing my heart on my sleeve, but my Dad showed me that sometimes that is ok. He welcomed the opportunity to allow me to cry on his shoulder. I still remember leaving a mark on the shoulder of his nice shirt after church or some dress up event one day in the living room sitting on the piano bench. He wasn't the least bit bothered by it. He was quick to give me a hug if I looked distraught. He also was willing to be the one to give in when we argued to make peace....even though I was obviously out of line.

He showed me strength wasn't always being the "man," but being the better man. Sometimes justice wasn't as important as peace. Doing what is right is more important than winning. I am not sure he directly told me this, but showed me it through his actions.

Financial Advisor
As I entered adulthood and began buying cars and houses and insurance and making decisions about retirement and so on, I would call Dad (and will continue to do so) before I'd pull the trigger on anything. Before I knew it, he would come calling with a spreadsheet and thorough explanation of all my options and their effects. Without him, who knows where I would be right now.

Support System
During any time of need my Dad has been there in anyway I needed at the drop of a hat. When my daughter was in the hospital, he never hesitated to pack his emergency bag, tie up his loose end responsibilities and drive down I-71 to be there with me. Whether it meant standing by my side with a hand on my shoulder, providing me with that shoulder again to cry on, take notes of what the doctors were saying, asking questions I couldn't get out in the midst of my mind running a million miles a second, going home to make sure my house is ok or to get me a change of clothes, running down to pay for more time parking or move the car to the garage, finding the vending machines, looking for times the cafeteria would be open, calling other family members and the list goes on, he would be there to do it all and more.

I remembered this last month when my grandmother, his mother passed away. My knee-jerk reaction was, "I gotta get up there to be with him." It must have been instinct because I was programmed that way from my experience on the other side.


And I can't end this section without mentioning his undying support of his mother as she progressed through Alzheimer's. Again, a tough, tough situation to handle yet he dealt with it with such grace and love. He visited her everyday and advocated for her 100% for 100% of the time. She was able to live a comfortable and pleasant life to the end because of his unending support and care.

Mr. Fix-it
Oh yes, Dad couldn't fix much. Paying somebody else to fix it was the best solution. I think his favorite tool was the pen. A pen to write the check. I am my Father's son!
Sports
I can't end this post without mentioning one of my favorite memories of my Dad. While he never was the type of Father to push me into sports or expect me to be this great athlete, he was such a great fan. I played so many years of soccer and a number of years playing city league baseball and softball in my childhood but nothing stands out as much as my dad standing on the sidelines away from the other parents cheering me on and yelling encouragement from the sidelines. Whether it was screaming to back up another defender or yelling the name of an open teammate to pass the ball to, he was so into it and I loved every minute of it. Finally, I loved the numerous driveway basketball games or frontyard football games that he would play with us. He was always the dad that got out there with us and played along....even now, bowling with is granddaughter.


That's my awesome Dad. I'm trying to be the same kind of Dad to my kids because of his awesomeness.