...when I come home from work and open the garage door to the sounds and coos of my baby girl upstairs.
...when I walk up those stairs and see my oldest anxiously greet me with a hug and plenty of excitement.
...when my wife makes sure I don't proceed without giving her a kiss.
...that my wife looks as beautiful as she does.
...that my wife can carry and contribute to a conversation about anything I have on my mind and initiates conversations that intrigue me.
...when I play night softball games under the lights. I fondly remember when I did it for the first time in high school and was struck by the feeling that rushed over me as I trotted out to the outfield. Now, almost twenty years later, I still enjoy that experience.
...that I get to pitch at some of my games. There is something to the control and constant involvement in the game that I enjoy. It is really fun when I am pitching well. I love the satisfaction of contributing to the win.
...when I meet friends to watch any particular team I support. The more the merrier.
...when the leaves begin to change colors and air cools. This time of year is easily my favorite. It means something when it trumps the time of year when I didn't have to work. But once the shock of returning to school wears and I get into the routine, this time of year is great. Even cloudy cool days are nice. Football is in full swing. Playoff baseball is going on. The basketball and hockey seasons are about to commence. There is a feel in the air that I love. Holidays are right around the corner and the traditions that come with them are a joy. Trick or treating with the girls. Lots of turkey and football on Thanksgiving. The Michigan game. Christmas and all that comes with it. Ahh yeah.
...that I have numerous positive relationships with coworkers. As difficult as my job is day in and day out, enjoying the people I work with make it more tolerable.
...that Shaq is a Cavalier. I am eager to watch a season with LeBron and O'Neal playing together nightly.
...that Braylon Edwards is no longer a Brown.
...that I genuinely enjoy the company of my in-laws and even my brother's in-laws.
...that my nephews are very cool. Being "uncle Beau" is nothing but fun and watching them bond with their cousins is awesome to watch.
...that I have so many good friends. I also love that I have such a diverse set of friends. The diversity has added plenty of spice to my life.
...that I do not have any long standing grudges or estrangements with family members or loved ones.
...that I am paying off my debt....slowly but surely.
...that I have all girls this year. I am enjoying it as much of a roller coaster ride that it is.
...that I have so many fond memories of several periods of my life.
...that I got to be a part of 85. And that every time we are together we all acknowledge it and mark it with pictures. It is a tradition and an experience that I cherish to this day and always will.
...that I got to throw the tire.
...that I know what glasshouse party means to a select group of people. And I got to experience it multiple time.
...that at least Ohio State has won a a championship in my lifetime and it was a football one at that.
...that Cleveland was able to get back our football team and its essence unlike every other city out there.
...that I have been able to go to a Rose Bowl. And it was an epic game.
...that I can turn the channel when I see Ann Coulter is on CNN.
...that I can rake at "Beer Money" on STO.
...when All Bets Are Off is on TV and I can enjoy Bruce rant about things I care about just like the old days on the radio before he was in trouble with the law.
...that I got to witness Bernie Kosar play for the Browns.
...that I was around for the birth of the Dawg Pound and sat in it during its glory days.
...that I was able to attend games in the Grand Old Lady on the Lake before it was demolished for the new Cleveland Browns Stadium.
...that the Browns stadium is named just that and not some sponsor like Progressive Field.
...that I was able to enjoy the Indians in the mid-90s.
...that know what it is to be loyal and die hard no matter what, to something.
Showing posts with label goodness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goodness. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Saturday, November 22, 2008
The End Justifies The Means?
Are you a believer in the old saying, "The end justifies the means?" I think I am. There are limits of course. I believe each situation is unique and needs to be examined on a case by case basis. What about when rule breaking comes into the picture?
On the morning of The Game I should be blogging about this rivalry game between Ohio State and nagihcim. In fact I should have been all week like my buddy did here. But I have had heavier things on my brain of late. Regardless of that team's horrible record this game is still important and big and anyone can win. In fact it would not surprise one bit if that team came down here and beat us due to this very fact and that the whole world isn't giving them a chance. Despite this, I am consumed with other things, so let's continue:
I am curious what people think about this concept of the end justifying the means. I am widely considered a good person. I think that I am. I try to do things that are "right" and "good." My relationship with my daughter's mother is an example of my efforts to "be the better man" and put any and all bitterness behind me. So much of what I do regarding my kid is based in what is right more than what I want even though I admit I haven't held true to this every time. I try to be good not perfect.
I find myself in a position right now where I can do something that is beneficial in my mind for someone I love dearly. The issue here is that it breaks the rules. I am 100% aware that I would break these rules to do this. I know exactly what I am doing and have no hesitation to do it. I feel no guilt whatsoever. Honesty is important, but in this case, I don't mind being dishonest. I am willing to pay the consequences....assuming these consequences are what I think they are. (In the words of former Cardinals' head coach Dennis Green: "They are who we thought they were...AND WE LET THEM OFF THE HOOK!!")
I firmly believe in this case that the end justifies the means. Nobody is technically getting hurt. Nobody is benefiting in a superficial, shallow way. The benefit is life altering for the better (if I could only be more dramatic, geez) without any real harm being done to get it. It is something that is done all the time for nothing more than convenience. In my case, it is not for convenience but something deeper. But of course, anyone who breaks a rule or law has their own justification for it. In their mind, they are right. What is it about mine that is more justified than theirs? Rules and laws are there for a reason, right? Plus, I am not saying that I am not breaking any rules, I admit I am. I'm saying my case trumps those rules. I choose not to get into details publicly, but my logic here is sound. I have thought this through and feel comfortably justified in this logic.
Now, no decision has been made. There are other options. I plan to study every option. My fear is that these other options are not attainable. Therefore, I am setting my sights on this "rule breaking" option. There is still a good bit of time ahead and calls to be made and ideas to be hatched before I make a decision. I also need to let go of my controlling nature and allow other vested interests get their say. But for the sake of discussion, does the end justify the means to you? Do I forfeit my "good guy" badge for intentionally breaking the rules even when I feel there is a greater purpose here? Do I get a mulligan here and allow myself to be dishonest.
I think so.
Above all, my loved ones come first. Even before honesty and rule following.
On the morning of The Game I should be blogging about this rivalry game between Ohio State and nagihcim. In fact I should have been all week like my buddy did here. But I have had heavier things on my brain of late. Regardless of that team's horrible record this game is still important and big and anyone can win. In fact it would not surprise one bit if that team came down here and beat us due to this very fact and that the whole world isn't giving them a chance. Despite this, I am consumed with other things, so let's continue:
I am curious what people think about this concept of the end justifying the means. I am widely considered a good person. I think that I am. I try to do things that are "right" and "good." My relationship with my daughter's mother is an example of my efforts to "be the better man" and put any and all bitterness behind me. So much of what I do regarding my kid is based in what is right more than what I want even though I admit I haven't held true to this every time. I try to be good not perfect.
I find myself in a position right now where I can do something that is beneficial in my mind for someone I love dearly. The issue here is that it breaks the rules. I am 100% aware that I would break these rules to do this. I know exactly what I am doing and have no hesitation to do it. I feel no guilt whatsoever. Honesty is important, but in this case, I don't mind being dishonest. I am willing to pay the consequences....assuming these consequences are what I think they are. (In the words of former Cardinals' head coach Dennis Green: "They are who we thought they were...AND WE LET THEM OFF THE HOOK!!")
I firmly believe in this case that the end justifies the means. Nobody is technically getting hurt. Nobody is benefiting in a superficial, shallow way. The benefit is life altering for the better (if I could only be more dramatic, geez) without any real harm being done to get it. It is something that is done all the time for nothing more than convenience. In my case, it is not for convenience but something deeper. But of course, anyone who breaks a rule or law has their own justification for it. In their mind, they are right. What is it about mine that is more justified than theirs? Rules and laws are there for a reason, right? Plus, I am not saying that I am not breaking any rules, I admit I am. I'm saying my case trumps those rules. I choose not to get into details publicly, but my logic here is sound. I have thought this through and feel comfortably justified in this logic.
Now, no decision has been made. There are other options. I plan to study every option. My fear is that these other options are not attainable. Therefore, I am setting my sights on this "rule breaking" option. There is still a good bit of time ahead and calls to be made and ideas to be hatched before I make a decision. I also need to let go of my controlling nature and allow other vested interests get their say. But for the sake of discussion, does the end justify the means to you? Do I forfeit my "good guy" badge for intentionally breaking the rules even when I feel there is a greater purpose here? Do I get a mulligan here and allow myself to be dishonest.
I think so.
Above all, my loved ones come first. Even before honesty and rule following.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Positive Affirmations
Recently I learned something new about our behavior and feelings. I hope it is going to change the way I view things or think of things. The power of thought is much more powerful than I anticipated. In a round about sort of way I may have already known this but never acknowledged it. Now, it is time to address it and use it for good and not evil.
I was aware of the chemicals and hormones racing through our bodies all the time. These chemicals dictate how we feel and react to things. They play a major role if not THE role in our perception of reality. These are the things that make me feel there is no God or a puppeteer like God. Today is not that kind of blog post though. These chemicals can be triggered by the thoughts we create in our heads. Therefore, we can control our feelings to a certain degree through our thoughts. I don't mean to be so cut and dry and make this out to be an easy task. This is obviously easier said then done or our whole world would be quite different and the need for counselors and therapists would be much smaller.
Throughout my life I was fortunate to have two parents who made it a point to compliment me and avoid too much negativity. Of course, I still had to find a problem with that as I progressed through adolescence. My poor parents couldn't win. They managed to avoid being those overbearing, negative parents killing their kids confidence and self-esteem and did everything they could to build it up and I STILL complained about their parenting. My issues were that I would have a false sense of accomplishment and so I made it a point to cut myself down and ignore and positive remarks they gave me. To this day I have a hard time taking compliments even though I cherish every little one and starve for them. I usually find ways to rationalize how the compliment is not true or too positive. I can't just leave well enough alone and say thank you. Also, I am so afraid of getting insulted or criticized that I try to cut myself down first to avoid any criticism from someone else. I figured if I got the first punch in, the others would not get a chance.
So decades of creating these negative thoughts in my brain have hard wired it to the point that I automatically have these negative feelings about much of what I do. Any time I do something, I naturally react negatively towards it. Therefore, I feel bad about myself and lack confidence much of the time.
I have never had major panic attacks but from what I have heard and learned, they are pretty much adrenaline rushes. Chemically, they are the same as a rush of excitement. The difference is the feeling attached to it or the context of the adrenaline rush. Many times panic attacks or anxiety attacks or general feelings of fear or even sadness can be induced by thoughts. You see something happen and you react to it or think about it. These reactions or thoughts in the brain produce the chemicals that create that "attack" or the feelings of fear, sadness and so on.
With that in mind, you can control your feelings. I have been doing this by thinking negative thoughts about myself on purpose leading to low self-esteem and lack of confidence or general feelings of fear and sadness. What I should be doing is forcing positive thoughts in my head. I need to get to the point of making this routine. These positive thoughts will produce the chemicals that create happiness and confidence. The adrenaline rush would then have a more positive context to it and feel more like a roller coaster than a panic attack.
But let me tell you this won't be easy. The logical, left brain dominated self that am I will analyze things to a point of pure negative and not allow those positive chemicals to flow. The Huey Karma will have its way with me. The hard wired brain that is my head will be a tough one to plow through.
For now, I am going to try to recite positive attributes I consider myself to have each morning. I am going to use my dad's technique of pounding my heart and saying, "Today's gonna be a good day." Hopefully, this will foster a more general sense of confidence and self-esteem. I highly recommend you to join me.
Like Guy Smiley on the old SNL skits......."and dawgonit, people like me!"
I was aware of the chemicals and hormones racing through our bodies all the time. These chemicals dictate how we feel and react to things. They play a major role if not THE role in our perception of reality. These are the things that make me feel there is no God or a puppeteer like God. Today is not that kind of blog post though. These chemicals can be triggered by the thoughts we create in our heads. Therefore, we can control our feelings to a certain degree through our thoughts. I don't mean to be so cut and dry and make this out to be an easy task. This is obviously easier said then done or our whole world would be quite different and the need for counselors and therapists would be much smaller.
Throughout my life I was fortunate to have two parents who made it a point to compliment me and avoid too much negativity. Of course, I still had to find a problem with that as I progressed through adolescence. My poor parents couldn't win. They managed to avoid being those overbearing, negative parents killing their kids confidence and self-esteem and did everything they could to build it up and I STILL complained about their parenting. My issues were that I would have a false sense of accomplishment and so I made it a point to cut myself down and ignore and positive remarks they gave me. To this day I have a hard time taking compliments even though I cherish every little one and starve for them. I usually find ways to rationalize how the compliment is not true or too positive. I can't just leave well enough alone and say thank you. Also, I am so afraid of getting insulted or criticized that I try to cut myself down first to avoid any criticism from someone else. I figured if I got the first punch in, the others would not get a chance.
So decades of creating these negative thoughts in my brain have hard wired it to the point that I automatically have these negative feelings about much of what I do. Any time I do something, I naturally react negatively towards it. Therefore, I feel bad about myself and lack confidence much of the time.
I have never had major panic attacks but from what I have heard and learned, they are pretty much adrenaline rushes. Chemically, they are the same as a rush of excitement. The difference is the feeling attached to it or the context of the adrenaline rush. Many times panic attacks or anxiety attacks or general feelings of fear or even sadness can be induced by thoughts. You see something happen and you react to it or think about it. These reactions or thoughts in the brain produce the chemicals that create that "attack" or the feelings of fear, sadness and so on.
With that in mind, you can control your feelings. I have been doing this by thinking negative thoughts about myself on purpose leading to low self-esteem and lack of confidence or general feelings of fear and sadness. What I should be doing is forcing positive thoughts in my head. I need to get to the point of making this routine. These positive thoughts will produce the chemicals that create happiness and confidence. The adrenaline rush would then have a more positive context to it and feel more like a roller coaster than a panic attack.
But let me tell you this won't be easy. The logical, left brain dominated self that am I will analyze things to a point of pure negative and not allow those positive chemicals to flow. The Huey Karma will have its way with me. The hard wired brain that is my head will be a tough one to plow through.
For now, I am going to try to recite positive attributes I consider myself to have each morning. I am going to use my dad's technique of pounding my heart and saying, "Today's gonna be a good day." Hopefully, this will foster a more general sense of confidence and self-esteem. I highly recommend you to join me.
Like Guy Smiley on the old SNL skits......."and dawgonit, people like me!"
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Father's Day
I have blogged about being a Father, which I take very seriously as you have noticed. I am very proud of being a Father. Today, in honor of Father's Day, I would like to pay tribute to my Father who has been my model for Fatherhood and how I try raise my daughter and child to be.
My Dad has taught me as much as any Father. He has shown me how to be a man, husband, son, neighbor, friend, trusted set of ears, shoulder to cry on, financial advisor, emotional supporter, teacher, coach and good person.
I want to share with you how much respect and love I have for my Dad through several stories from my life that highlight his best qualities.
Money
Growing up he would give us an allowance every Friday regardless of whether we did our chores or not. I remember thinking that we were getting away with highway robbery but later found out that his goal was not so much to get us to do chores, (I think he was pretty lax in that department but also figured we should do that regardless of allowance) but to teach us to handle money appropriately. By giving us a "ration" each week and then holding us to it when we wanted to buy that candy bar staring at us waiting in line at the store, we were forced with the decision of how important that treat was to us. Through those experiences we learned the scarcity of money. It also probably got us off his back when we were at the store by getting us to quit begging him for stuff which can be awfully annoying for a parent (or teacher).
Education
I also remember how much emphasis he put on grades. He was of the belief that all three of us were more than capable of getting all A's and we were. He knew the gene pool we came from and it was unlikely two extremely intelligent people like my parents would have offspring that just could not get A's. But he also knew that A's took work. So as we grew older and our friends were dealing with authoritative parents trying to keep them out of trouble, Dad would continue to point to the grades as an indicator of our behavior and prospects of success later in life.
I understand this method could be debated and wouldn't work for every kid, but that was the greatness of my Father. He knew his kids. He knew this method would work with us. He let alot of things go, but he didn't give an inch on grades. I never got that feel good "atta boy, son!" for a B. Shoot, even A's were treated as expected. When I faltered in college, he immediately lit a fire under my butt that propelled me to the A's I should have earned long before. As grown adults, my brother and sister and I have managed to get where we are now rather successfully albeit totally different places (i.e. teaching, business and entertainment), in large part due to our education.
I am grateful he did this because even though I didn't consistently get the 4.0 that my siblings did (for reasons that can be blogged about later), it was a tangible motivator for me that instilled this value for education and success later in college.
Being the Better Person
My Dad has been a model for me in numerous facets of life. One way is the grace, maturity and compassion that he handled the divorce with my mom. It couldn't have been an easy thing for him to deal with, yet he was so supportive, understanding and caring through the whole thing. The way he continues to handle his relationship with my mother is admirable. Instead of being bitter and resentful, he has shown how humans should treat each other keeping an eye on what really is important. He continues to support her as she does him. He made sure things were done for the best of all parties involved. Obviously, no one can say it was an easy transition, but it could have been so much worse.
As I have dealt with divorce myself, I have tried to be the same way. Now that I am "in his shoes," I appreciate just how mature and strong he has been with the whole thing. It is such a slippery slope into those negative feelings of anger, self-pity and bitterness. But from my point of view, he never came close. To this day he defends my mother's side and never complains.
Definition of Strength
If you have been reading this blog or know me personally, you have probably noticed that I don't fall into that stereotypical "manly man" category. My Dad taught me through example that strength is much more broad than muscles and ability to hold in your emotions. I can credit my mom for wearing my heart on my sleeve, but my Dad showed me that sometimes that is ok. He welcomed the opportunity to allow me to cry on his shoulder. I still remember leaving a mark on the shoulder of his nice shirt after church or some dress up event one day in the living room sitting on the piano bench. He wasn't the least bit bothered by it. He was quick to give me a hug if I looked distraught. He also was willing to be the one to give in when we argued to make peace....even though I was obviously out of line.
He showed me strength wasn't always being the "man," but being the better man. Sometimes justice wasn't as important as peace. Doing what is right is more important than winning. I am not sure he directly told me this, but showed me it through his actions.
Financial Advisor
As I entered adulthood and began buying cars and houses and insurance and making decisions about retirement and so on, I would call Dad (and will continue to do so) before I'd pull the trigger on anything. Before I knew it, he would come calling with a spreadsheet and thorough explanation of all my options and their effects. Without him, who knows where I would be right now.
Support System
During any time of need my Dad has been there in anyway I needed at the drop of a hat. When my daughter was in the hospital, he never hesitated to pack his emergency bag, tie up his loose end responsibilities and drive down I-71 to be there with me. Whether it meant standing by my side with a hand on my shoulder, providing me with that shoulder again to cry on, take notes of what the doctors were saying, asking questions I couldn't get out in the midst of my mind running a million miles a second, going home to make sure my house is ok or to get me a change of clothes, running down to pay for more time parking or move the car to the garage, finding the vending machines, looking for times the cafeteria would be open, calling other family members and the list goes on, he would be there to do it all and more.
I remembered this last month when my grandmother, his mother passed away. My knee-jerk reaction was, "I gotta get up there to be with him." It must have been instinct because I was programmed that way from my experience on the other side.
And I can't end this section without mentioning his undying support of his mother as she progressed through Alzheimer's. Again, a tough, tough situation to handle yet he dealt with it with such grace and love. He visited her everyday and advocated for her 100% for 100% of the time. She was able to live a comfortable and pleasant life to the end because of his unending support and care.
Mr. Fix-it
Oh yes, Dad couldn't fix much. Paying somebody else to fix it was the best solution. I think his favorite tool was the pen. A pen to write the check. I am my Father's son!
Sports
I can't end this post without mentioning one of my favorite memories of my Dad. While he never was the type of Father to push me into sports or expect me to be this great athlete, he was such a great fan. I played so many years of soccer and a number of years playing city league baseball and softball in my childhood but nothing stands out as much as my dad standing on the sidelines away from the other parents cheering me on and yelling encouragement from the sidelines. Whether it was screaming to back up another defender or yelling the name of an open teammate to pass the ball to, he was so into it and I loved every minute of it. Finally, I loved the numerous driveway basketball games or frontyard football games that he would play with us. He was always the dad that got out there with us and played along....even now, bowling with is granddaughter.
That's my awesome Dad. I'm trying to be the same kind of Dad to my kids because of his awesomeness.
My Dad has taught me as much as any Father. He has shown me how to be a man, husband, son, neighbor, friend, trusted set of ears, shoulder to cry on, financial advisor, emotional supporter, teacher, coach and good person.
I want to share with you how much respect and love I have for my Dad through several stories from my life that highlight his best qualities.
Money
Growing up he would give us an allowance every Friday regardless of whether we did our chores or not. I remember thinking that we were getting away with highway robbery but later found out that his goal was not so much to get us to do chores, (I think he was pretty lax in that department but also figured we should do that regardless of allowance) but to teach us to handle money appropriately. By giving us a "ration" each week and then holding us to it when we wanted to buy that candy bar staring at us waiting in line at the store, we were forced with the decision of how important that treat was to us. Through those experiences we learned the scarcity of money. It also probably got us off his back when we were at the store by getting us to quit begging him for stuff which can be awfully annoying for a parent (or teacher).
Education
I also remember how much emphasis he put on grades. He was of the belief that all three of us were more than capable of getting all A's and we were. He knew the gene pool we came from and it was unlikely two extremely intelligent people like my parents would have offspring that just could not get A's. But he also knew that A's took work. So as we grew older and our friends were dealing with authoritative parents trying to keep them out of trouble, Dad would continue to point to the grades as an indicator of our behavior and prospects of success later in life.
I understand this method could be debated and wouldn't work for every kid, but that was the greatness of my Father. He knew his kids. He knew this method would work with us. He let alot of things go, but he didn't give an inch on grades. I never got that feel good "atta boy, son!" for a B. Shoot, even A's were treated as expected. When I faltered in college, he immediately lit a fire under my butt that propelled me to the A's I should have earned long before. As grown adults, my brother and sister and I have managed to get where we are now rather successfully albeit totally different places (i.e. teaching, business and entertainment), in large part due to our education.
I am grateful he did this because even though I didn't consistently get the 4.0 that my siblings did (for reasons that can be blogged about later), it was a tangible motivator for me that instilled this value for education and success later in college.
Being the Better Person
My Dad has been a model for me in numerous facets of life. One way is the grace, maturity and compassion that he handled the divorce with my mom. It couldn't have been an easy thing for him to deal with, yet he was so supportive, understanding and caring through the whole thing. The way he continues to handle his relationship with my mother is admirable. Instead of being bitter and resentful, he has shown how humans should treat each other keeping an eye on what really is important. He continues to support her as she does him. He made sure things were done for the best of all parties involved. Obviously, no one can say it was an easy transition, but it could have been so much worse.
As I have dealt with divorce myself, I have tried to be the same way. Now that I am "in his shoes," I appreciate just how mature and strong he has been with the whole thing. It is such a slippery slope into those negative feelings of anger, self-pity and bitterness. But from my point of view, he never came close. To this day he defends my mother's side and never complains.
Definition of Strength
If you have been reading this blog or know me personally, you have probably noticed that I don't fall into that stereotypical "manly man" category. My Dad taught me through example that strength is much more broad than muscles and ability to hold in your emotions. I can credit my mom for wearing my heart on my sleeve, but my Dad showed me that sometimes that is ok. He welcomed the opportunity to allow me to cry on his shoulder. I still remember leaving a mark on the shoulder of his nice shirt after church or some dress up event one day in the living room sitting on the piano bench. He wasn't the least bit bothered by it. He was quick to give me a hug if I looked distraught. He also was willing to be the one to give in when we argued to make peace....even though I was obviously out of line.
He showed me strength wasn't always being the "man," but being the better man. Sometimes justice wasn't as important as peace. Doing what is right is more important than winning. I am not sure he directly told me this, but showed me it through his actions.
Financial Advisor
As I entered adulthood and began buying cars and houses and insurance and making decisions about retirement and so on, I would call Dad (and will continue to do so) before I'd pull the trigger on anything. Before I knew it, he would come calling with a spreadsheet and thorough explanation of all my options and their effects. Without him, who knows where I would be right now.
Support System
During any time of need my Dad has been there in anyway I needed at the drop of a hat. When my daughter was in the hospital, he never hesitated to pack his emergency bag, tie up his loose end responsibilities and drive down I-71 to be there with me. Whether it meant standing by my side with a hand on my shoulder, providing me with that shoulder again to cry on, take notes of what the doctors were saying, asking questions I couldn't get out in the midst of my mind running a million miles a second, going home to make sure my house is ok or to get me a change of clothes, running down to pay for more time parking or move the car to the garage, finding the vending machines, looking for times the cafeteria would be open, calling other family members and the list goes on, he would be there to do it all and more.
I remembered this last month when my grandmother, his mother passed away. My knee-jerk reaction was, "I gotta get up there to be with him." It must have been instinct because I was programmed that way from my experience on the other side.
And I can't end this section without mentioning his undying support of his mother as she progressed through Alzheimer's. Again, a tough, tough situation to handle yet he dealt with it with such grace and love. He visited her everyday and advocated for her 100% for 100% of the time. She was able to live a comfortable and pleasant life to the end because of his unending support and care.
Mr. Fix-it
Oh yes, Dad couldn't fix much. Paying somebody else to fix it was the best solution. I think his favorite tool was the pen. A pen to write the check. I am my Father's son!
Sports
I can't end this post without mentioning one of my favorite memories of my Dad. While he never was the type of Father to push me into sports or expect me to be this great athlete, he was such a great fan. I played so many years of soccer and a number of years playing city league baseball and softball in my childhood but nothing stands out as much as my dad standing on the sidelines away from the other parents cheering me on and yelling encouragement from the sidelines. Whether it was screaming to back up another defender or yelling the name of an open teammate to pass the ball to, he was so into it and I loved every minute of it. Finally, I loved the numerous driveway basketball games or frontyard football games that he would play with us. He was always the dad that got out there with us and played along....even now, bowling with is granddaughter.
That's my awesome Dad. I'm trying to be the same kind of Dad to my kids because of his awesomeness.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Good Guys vs. Bad Guys
I have noticed something in my first 33 years of life. Being bad is cool. Being good is weak.
Even when someone is the "good guy" there are things about him/her that is bad to try to salvage some respect or credibility. I go back to Star Wars and recall how Han Solo was the cool character while Luke Skywalker was this boyish, naive weaker character who had to grow into his strength. And it took a bad experience or action to get him there. Even then, Solo was still the cool guy everyone wanted to be. Solo was the scoundrel. Luke was pure.
It is much "cooler" or well respected if you are a tough guy that is not good. If somebody represents righteousness they are looked at as weak or naive and unworldly.
Take dating as well. Girls always say they want a good guy and they complain about their bad boyfriends, but at the drop of a dime they will go out with the guy with a dark past or bad background. As I continue with these stereotypes knowing full well there are exceptions to the rule, I may run into issues on the male side. Many times you see the males go for the "good girls." But even in this instance I believe it is because the guys want to stroke their need to be "bad" by being with the "good girl" and therefore coming off as the "bad guy" since they may not be as "good." they may feel some sort of egotistical triumph "conquering" the good girl.
Throughout life you feel this urge to "be bad" or naughty. It can range from harmless to serious. Teenage rebellion is the epitome of this. As a teenager you MUST be bad or rebel against your parents or society or the mainstream-(fill in the blank) to have any sort of credibility. It gets to the point where people are not rebelling because they believe in any sort of thing or because they don't believe in whatever it is they are rebelling against. Instead they are rebelling for the sake of rebelling. In the end they are actually conforming more than rebelling and contradicting themselves entirely.
Before this post get off on a tangent I want to blog about later, let me circle back to the theme here. Being good is boring. Bad is exciting. So as we search for excitement and meaning in life we gravitate to the "bad" guys or the "bad" things.
I grew up identifying with Luke Skywalker and that was my first mistake. I have gone through life trying to be socially acceptable and good at the same time. Therefore, I think I have lost the respect of many people and I am not taken seriously by most people because of this flaw. Think about it. Those of you who know me, do you really think I am a guy you want in your corner in a tough situation? Be careful. Don't take this as a poor me statement and think I want replies listing how you would want me in your corner. Seriously picture yourself in a confrontation and who you'd want there......see? Not me. And I wouldn't either. I'm the guy you call when things are easy. You picture me there when we are at a bar watching the Cavs lose to the Celtics. I'm the guy you think of when you want to talk to somebody about sports. You get my point. When push comes to shove, you want the Han Solo guy. The tough guy. The bad guy.
Of course, as often is the truth, age is the great equalizer. The older we get, the more we realize it is better to be good. We shouldn't smoke anymore. Drugs get you in more trouble than their worth. Drinking to 3 am hurts. Getting in bar fights proves your stupidity more than toughness. Solving your problems in general by fighting is a sign of no intelligence to resolve them better. Bad language is often inappropriate. Kids actually are enjoyable to be around. Helping people feels good. It is important to tell your mom and dad you love them. Lying makes things worse than if you tell the hard truth and deal with the effects. Gossip is for teenyboppers. I could go on.
I don't expect my statements above to be interpreted as holding true with every specific individual. These are generalizations.
Even when someone is the "good guy" there are things about him/her that is bad to try to salvage some respect or credibility. I go back to Star Wars and recall how Han Solo was the cool character while Luke Skywalker was this boyish, naive weaker character who had to grow into his strength. And it took a bad experience or action to get him there. Even then, Solo was still the cool guy everyone wanted to be. Solo was the scoundrel. Luke was pure.
It is much "cooler" or well respected if you are a tough guy that is not good. If somebody represents righteousness they are looked at as weak or naive and unworldly.
Take dating as well. Girls always say they want a good guy and they complain about their bad boyfriends, but at the drop of a dime they will go out with the guy with a dark past or bad background. As I continue with these stereotypes knowing full well there are exceptions to the rule, I may run into issues on the male side. Many times you see the males go for the "good girls." But even in this instance I believe it is because the guys want to stroke their need to be "bad" by being with the "good girl" and therefore coming off as the "bad guy" since they may not be as "good." they may feel some sort of egotistical triumph "conquering" the good girl.
Throughout life you feel this urge to "be bad" or naughty. It can range from harmless to serious. Teenage rebellion is the epitome of this. As a teenager you MUST be bad or rebel against your parents or society or the mainstream-(fill in the blank) to have any sort of credibility. It gets to the point where people are not rebelling because they believe in any sort of thing or because they don't believe in whatever it is they are rebelling against. Instead they are rebelling for the sake of rebelling. In the end they are actually conforming more than rebelling and contradicting themselves entirely.
Before this post get off on a tangent I want to blog about later, let me circle back to the theme here. Being good is boring. Bad is exciting. So as we search for excitement and meaning in life we gravitate to the "bad" guys or the "bad" things.
I grew up identifying with Luke Skywalker and that was my first mistake. I have gone through life trying to be socially acceptable and good at the same time. Therefore, I think I have lost the respect of many people and I am not taken seriously by most people because of this flaw. Think about it. Those of you who know me, do you really think I am a guy you want in your corner in a tough situation? Be careful. Don't take this as a poor me statement and think I want replies listing how you would want me in your corner. Seriously picture yourself in a confrontation and who you'd want there......see? Not me. And I wouldn't either. I'm the guy you call when things are easy. You picture me there when we are at a bar watching the Cavs lose to the Celtics. I'm the guy you think of when you want to talk to somebody about sports. You get my point. When push comes to shove, you want the Han Solo guy. The tough guy. The bad guy.
Of course, as often is the truth, age is the great equalizer. The older we get, the more we realize it is better to be good. We shouldn't smoke anymore. Drugs get you in more trouble than their worth. Drinking to 3 am hurts. Getting in bar fights proves your stupidity more than toughness. Solving your problems in general by fighting is a sign of no intelligence to resolve them better. Bad language is often inappropriate. Kids actually are enjoyable to be around. Helping people feels good. It is important to tell your mom and dad you love them. Lying makes things worse than if you tell the hard truth and deal with the effects. Gossip is for teenyboppers. I could go on.
I don't expect my statements above to be interpreted as holding true with every specific individual. These are generalizations.
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