Just Tie Your Shoes!

The other day I noticed a student had their shoes untied. This could lead to some unfortunate things like falling down the stairs and getting seriously hurt or beginning an escalating series of events between students ultimately ending in a fight and missed class time as well as another headache for me and administration to deal with that doesn't involve educating our youth which we are primarily paid to do.

You may think I am making too much of a simple untied shoe, but after a decade in the classroom you learn how "little thing" lead to big things more often than not. In this case, a loose shoe string may be stepped on by another student intentionally or unintentionally angering the student with the untied shoe. This leads to words of frustration towards the "culprit" creating a response that is rarely positive. Next thing you know people are talking about the other's mother and pushes follow with punches next and we end up with some conference in the office over all this stuff that has nothing to do with an untied shoe.

But to be completely honest, when I told the girl that her shoe laces were untied and she should tie them, I was thinking it was just a safe thing to do. I didn't want her face first in the ground at some point.

Well, God forbid I tell another person to do something!!! The look of disdain and complete resistance I received from this child was out of line. By no means was I disrespectful to this child. In fact. I thought I was helping her. How do I deserve this?

Here is my other problem: Let's say I didn't say anything. Or let's say I didn't persist until she finally tucked the lace in her shoe (mainly because a peer finally stepped in and said the obvious, "Just do it, it's not that big of a deal"). If she did end up tripping and falling down the stairs or getting in a fight because another kid stepped on the lace while she tried to take a step, who would mom or dad come barreling into school to blame? Me. Or her teacher. Or the principal. Oh, that wouldn't happen all the time, Huey. Uh, well, it happens a lot. It happens often at my school anyway and has for 9+ years at least. The majority of the time a student gets in a fight, the parent storms in and wants to know how we disciplined the other party in the fight. Their main focus is not on holding their child accountable for their part in the altercation, but in keeping us in check and making sure we are fair. It goes back to the lack of trust in our schools and the disconnect between parents and teachers.

I can only look at me. I can only control me. I need to focus on what I am doing. So i need to make sure I am putting forth the effort to communicate with parents from day one to help create the connection myself. There are things I can and need to do to fix this kind of problem. But to be honest, when I get the treatment from those students like this on a daily basis I just lose my motivation. I internalize the negative feelings I just received and feel horrible and downright apathetic. It becomes that much harder to go the extra mile. And I have a family. I want to spend my evenings with my wife and daughter. I need to spend time with them.

This is what cuts to the core of my displeasure with the current state of affairs in my life right now. I am tired of doing the right thing, or trying to, and somehow getting blamed for other people's lack of effort or resistance to me. I am tired of the resistance period. But then to get that resistance reinforced, frustrates me even more.

I mean, all I am doing is telling someone to do something that will benefit them! Why am I the bad guy here?

Good Guys vs. Bad Guys

I have noticed something in my first 33 years of life. Being bad is cool. Being good is weak.

Even when someone is the "good guy" there are things about him/her that is bad to try to salvage some respect or credibility. I go back to Star Wars and recall how Han Solo was the cool character while Luke Skywalker was this boyish, naive weaker character who had to grow into his strength. And it took a bad experience or action to get him there. Even then, Solo was still the cool guy everyone wanted to be. Solo was the scoundrel. Luke was pure.

It is much "cooler" or well respected if you are a tough guy that is not good. If somebody represents righteousness they are looked at as weak or naive and unworldly.

Take dating as well. Girls always say they want a good guy and they complain about their bad boyfriends, but at the drop of a dime they will go out with the guy with a dark past or bad background. As I continue with these stereotypes knowing full well there are exceptions to the rule, I may run into issues on the male side. Many times you see the males go for the "good girls." But even in this instance I believe it is because the guys want to stroke their need to be "bad" by being with the "good girl" and therefore coming off as the "bad guy" since they may not be as "good." they may feel some sort of egotistical triumph "conquering" the good girl.

Throughout life you feel this urge to "be bad" or naughty. It can range from harmless to serious. Teenage rebellion is the epitome of this. As a teenager you MUST be bad or rebel against your parents or society or the mainstream-(fill in the blank) to have any sort of credibility. It gets to the point where people are not rebelling because they believe in any sort of thing or because they don't believe in whatever it is they are rebelling against. Instead they are rebelling for the sake of rebelling. In the end they are actually conforming more than rebelling and contradicting themselves entirely.

Before this post get off on a tangent I want to blog about later, let me circle back to the theme here. Being good is boring. Bad is exciting. So as we search for excitement and meaning in life we gravitate to the "bad" guys or the "bad" things.

I grew up identifying with Luke Skywalker and that was my first mistake. I have gone through life trying to be socially acceptable and good at the same time. Therefore, I think I have lost the respect of many people and I am not taken seriously by most people because of this flaw. Think about it. Those of you who know me, do you really think I am a guy you want in your corner in a tough situation? Be careful. Don't take this as a poor me statement and think I want replies listing how you would want me in your corner. Seriously picture yourself in a confrontation and who you'd want there......see? Not me. And I wouldn't either. I'm the guy you call when things are easy. You picture me there when we are at a bar watching the Cavs lose to the Celtics. I'm the guy you think of when you want to talk to somebody about sports. You get my point. When push comes to shove, you want the Han Solo guy. The tough guy. The bad guy.

Of course, as often is the truth, age is the great equalizer. The older we get, the more we realize it is better to be good. We shouldn't smoke anymore. Drugs get you in more trouble than their worth. Drinking to 3 am hurts. Getting in bar fights proves your stupidity more than toughness. Solving your problems in general by fighting is a sign of no intelligence to resolve them better. Bad language is often inappropriate. Kids actually are enjoyable to be around. Helping people feels good. It is important to tell your mom and dad you love them. Lying makes things worse than if you tell the hard truth and deal with the effects. Gossip is for teenyboppers. I could go on.

I don't expect my statements above to be interpreted as holding true with every specific individual. These are generalizations.