Looking Back at Linden

My 11-year era at Linden will come to an end this June. After I made it official, I needed to inform my principal that I was leaving. Her reaction was expectantly surprised.

She made a formal announcement to the rest of the staff that I and two other colleagues would not be returning. This would allow the staff to be aware of the openings for the next school year. I had to leave the meeting early to pick up my daughter so I missed the reactions of the staff.

This was probably a good thing as uncomfortable as it would have been.

In all honesty, I didn't anticipate many of the teachers would have more than a superficial eyebrow raise at the announcement.

I doubt there was much more than that.

But the next morning I was approached by a number of staff with whom I worked for the majority of my 11 year run and received numerous heart warming comments and laughs.

There was one encounter I was most interested in experiencing. It was the moment that I would have to approach my teammate Deb Yetts.

And here my egocentric post ends and I begin to focus on this amazing teacher and how fortunate I have been to work with her. I have bragged profusely about her in past posts. Here we go again:

I was not looking forward to telling her I was not going to return. I felt like I was selling her out. I felt like I owe her more than that. It was like I was abandoning a teammate.

We have worked together eight or nine of my 11 years at Linden. I planned on writing that I have learned so much from her but I think it is more accurate to say I learned so much with her.

We were truly a team. Our chemistry was remarkable.

We gave and received with each other. While we played up our similar competitive tendencies, we never really competed with each other in a harmful, degrading manner. We understood the better the other did, the better we did.

She always had her head on straight and priorities right. It was always about the kids and what mattered most to increase their ability to achieve.

She was never afraid of work or leading the way. She always complimented and valued other people's suggestions and ideas, especially mine. She made me feel as though I was an important contributor to all we did as a grade level. This has been extremely motivating for me.

We took pride in our style and camaraderie. We brought our own strengths to the table, shared them and respected them. We maintained a safe, professional relationship that allowed admission of our shortcomings and freedom to seek assistance to compensate for them.

Because, once again, it wasn't about us and our prestige. It was about student achievement.

I could continue with examples of the amazing way she works her magic in her classroom or the energy she teaches with. She had a way of bringing our discussions,plans and ideas to life in a way I wanted to imitate.

But she was so humble and never ceased to mention that she got many of her ideas from me.

That meant an immeasurable amount to me.

"Less is more, Mr Huey" she'd say.

This was our motto when we wanted to remind ourselves to focus on what counts.

I'm going to miss Ms. Yetts. I admire her greatly.

When the moment of truth finally came and we talked about my upcoming departure, it was very difficult not to get emotional.

Once again, she showered me with praise responding to every compliment I directed toward her with a equal or greater compliment back.

I hope she understood how much I respect her and meant what I said about how meaningful my professional relationship with her has been.

I'm immensely grateful I was fortunate enough to teach with her. I am sure I am a better educator today than the day before I met her because of her.

She may have come in my room asking "What would Huey do?" But I will be asking myself repeatedly, "What would Yetts do?" for the rest of my career.

Thanksgiving

I am well aware of the "meaning" of this holiday: the genocide of American Indians. With that said, it still provides an opportunity to give thanks and show appreciation for the important things in life. While we're at it, expressing gratefulness for the trivial things as well doesn't hurt.

I would like to share my Thanksgiving for this year.

I am very grateful for the birth of my second daughter. She brings added joy to my marriage as my wife and I nurture this child and raise her. After losing Mallory and experiencing the heartache that brought for us, this birth took on extra meaning. The miracle of life was not taken for granted.

I am pleased to watch my oldest grow into a role model and care for her little sister. She has handled this change in our household with relative ease. I'm so proud and impressed with her thus far.

I appreciate my wife. This is not an easy situation we are in with a prior marriage, a child and a house that is not her own. She has uprooted her life to become part of mine, the whole time wanting to start a shared life between the two of us. The patience she has been forced to exhibit would break many women. I am grateful for this and so much more.

I am immensely thankful for every day I have with my oldest daughter. I have been open about the fact that she has had a roller coaster of a life in regards to her development and health. She continues to maintain a happy, cheerful disposition despite it all. Meanwhile I worry every second of every day about every aspect of her struggles. I never know when I may lose her. I try to stop my tendency to think negatively and catastrophically when I do not need to but the fact is that this is the way my brain works. I have reason to think this way in her case. So I need to enjoy every minute I have with her.

I am thankful that I have a job, house, food and clothing.

I am thankful that I have a supportive family and my in-laws have welcomed me with open arms.

I am grateful I live in a country with the freedom that we have despite the abuses of these freedoms by numerous people.

My friends have stepped up when I have needed them and I cannot ignore them in a post regarding appreciation. It is easy to be a friend when things are good, but it takes genuine care and concern when things are bad. I say things and do things without thinking from time to time but they never cut off our friendships as a result. I thank them all for their patience.

I can't ignore the appreciation I have for the fact that I have so much to be appreciative of in general.

Finally, I am thankful for the following I have for this blog. There are over 2,100 hits this year alone with about half the posts of last year.

Thank you.

Happy OSU v. Michigan

I say this with 100% genuine sincerity: The Ohio State Buckeyes versus University of Michigan Wolverines Football Saturday is an observed holiday in my household. I will go to my grave recognizing this day.

So as Jim Tressel led our Buckeyes to his 8th win in 9 years as our head coach today, I learned many things about this day and my life in general. I would like to share them with you.

1. I cherish this day.

2. It makes the day so enjoyable when OSU wins and the weather is a balmy 50 degrees and sunny.

3. I have some really cool friends who come to my house despite the prospect that our Bucks may lose and I may make everyone uncomfortable.

4. My dude, Chad gets it.

5. I love my wife. I had some where around 10 friends and colleagues come to my house to share in the festivities and she was nothing but cordial and welcoming. Never once did she balk. There would be a mess. Our carpet would be walked upon. Plenty of boisterous ruckus would take place. And never did she complain. She took care of the baby and I got to socialize and watch football.

6. I wish I could have joined Rob's bonfire.

7. I got to experience the phenomenon that is The Baddness and it was well worth the price of admission. His friends are very cool and I hope to hang out with them again.

8. Oregon will most likely be our opponent in the Rose Bowl. Maybe now, we can gain some respect int he eyes of ESPN and the national media. But the defense BETTER show up and somehow, someway, Pryor needs to learn how to pass in the next month.

9. I don't give a damn for the whole state of Michigan 'cuz I'm from OH-IO.

10. I really wish I could have had my oldest daughter with me today. I mean it when I say I consider this day a holiday. Just like Thanksgiving and Christmas and her birthday, I want to share this day with my girl. I want her decked out in her scarlet and gray cheering with me and getting frustrated with the bad plays. I want her to form memories of these games with her dad. While so much was good about today, there is still this missing piece in my heart. I would trade the times with my friends for the time with her in a hear beat. I have before and would have today. Of course, today I could have had both. But this is reality. Maybe next year.

11. I did get to share the day with my youngest. Most of the day she was with her mom. But she had her Buckeye gear on. She watched pregame with me and listened to the marching band. Most importantly, she was her to experience the experience. When she is up walking and talking, I anticipate her contribution to the future holidays to be significant.

12. I like my life the way it is. I witnessed numerous things tonight. But after it was all said and done, I was very happy I am living the life I am living. I am happy I have my family as it is, my house, a job, my friends, my personality, attitude, way of living, values and general lifestyle. I can't do what some can but I am happy with watching them. I don't do what some do and I am extremely pleased I don't.

13. I am excited to see family and old friends this coming weekend for the holiday. I have plenty to be thankful for and I look forward to acknowledging it!

On this day when we beat Michigan....LIFE IS GOOD!

WWHD

Yesterday a highly respected colleague of mine walked in my room after dismissal and the conversation went something like this:

"Huey, I had moment today."

"Uh oh what happened?" I responded.

"I had too much going on and I was trying to get all of this stuff in during Reading and it was falling apart in front of my face," she said sounding rather exasperated.

"Then I thought to myself, 'What would Huey do?'" she continued with her hand on her forehead with a look of consternation.

"Oh yeah?" I asked. "And what did Huey end up doing?"

"Stopped. Thought, 'Less is more. Work smarter, not harder.'"

"Ahh, so you streamlined the lesson and focused on what makes the most impact?" I though it would be wise to paraphrase back what she said to demonstrate my understanding.

"Exactly. Thank you Mr. Huey. Thank you."

The colleague with whom I had this conversation is an amazing woman who I hold in extremely high regard. I try to emulate her on a daily basis. The things she does in her classroom are truly remarkable.

Although I have worked next door to her for almost a decade now and have a clear idea of how she works, I am not the only one who has noticed her success. Any time there are important people in our school to observe how things work, her classroom is the model to which we hold ourselves and it's her room our administration takes the visitors to see first.

But the quality I find most appealing is her humility. Despite the accolades and praise we all shower upon her, she gets it. She understand that she is a product of others. Every time I compliment her or thank her or refer to her strengths, she immediately returns with a reference to something I have done that she has copied or taken from me.

She is extremely supportive in her language. She never offers help in a condescending manner. In meetings, she publicly praises me and brags about things I have done or that our grade level as a group has done.

So when someone like her recognizes my greatness, it means something to me. It is a legitimate comment that I take to heart.

I realize greatness isn't usually appreciated in its time, but she has appreciated mine ....if I do say so myself. And that is something people in my profession need more of, more often.

Especially when you end the day with bold, angry, little fourth graders calling you an idiot and intentionally jamming their should in your gut.

I Love It.....

...when I come home from work and open the garage door to the sounds and coos of my baby girl upstairs.

...when I walk up those stairs and see my oldest anxiously greet me with a hug and plenty of excitement.

...when my wife makes sure I don't proceed without giving her a kiss.

...that my wife looks as beautiful as she does.

...that my wife can carry and contribute to a conversation about anything I have on my mind and initiates conversations that intrigue me.

...when I play night softball games under the lights. I fondly remember when I did it for the first time in high school and was struck by the feeling that rushed over me as I trotted out to the outfield. Now, almost twenty years later, I still enjoy that experience.

...that I get to pitch at some of my games. There is something to the control and constant involvement in the game that I enjoy. It is really fun when I am pitching well. I love the satisfaction of contributing to the win.

...when I meet friends to watch any particular team I support. The more the merrier.

...when the leaves begin to change colors and air cools. This time of year is easily my favorite. It means something when it trumps the time of year when I didn't have to work. But once the shock of returning to school wears and I get into the routine, this time of year is great. Even cloudy cool days are nice. Football is in full swing. Playoff baseball is going on. The basketball and hockey seasons are about to commence. There is a feel in the air that I love. Holidays are right around the corner and the traditions that come with them are a joy. Trick or treating with the girls. Lots of turkey and football on Thanksgiving. The Michigan game. Christmas and all that comes with it. Ahh yeah.

...that I have numerous positive relationships with coworkers. As difficult as my job is day in and day out, enjoying the people I work with make it more tolerable.

...that Shaq is a Cavalier. I am eager to watch a season with LeBron and O'Neal playing together nightly.

...that Braylon Edwards is no longer a Brown.

...that I genuinely enjoy the company of my in-laws and even my brother's in-laws.

...that my nephews are very cool. Being "uncle Beau" is nothing but fun and watching them bond with their cousins is awesome to watch.

...that I have so many good friends. I also love that I have such a diverse set of friends. The diversity has added plenty of spice to my life.

...that I do not have any long standing grudges or estrangements with family members or loved ones.

...that I am paying off my debt....slowly but surely.

...that I have all girls this year. I am enjoying it as much of a roller coaster ride that it is.

...that I have so many fond memories of several periods of my life.

...that I got to be a part of 85. And that every time we are together we all acknowledge it and mark it with pictures. It is a tradition and an experience that I cherish to this day and always will.

...that I got to throw the tire.

...that I know what glasshouse party means to a select group of people. And I got to experience it multiple time.

...that at least Ohio State has won a a championship in my lifetime and it was a football one at that.

...that Cleveland was able to get back our football team and its essence unlike every other city out there.

...that I have been able to go to a Rose Bowl. And it was an epic game.

...that I can turn the channel when I see Ann Coulter is on CNN.

...that I can rake at "Beer Money" on STO.

...when All Bets Are Off is on TV and I can enjoy Bruce rant about things I care about just like the old days on the radio before he was in trouble with the law.

...that I got to witness Bernie Kosar play for the Browns.

...that I was around for the birth of the Dawg Pound and sat in it during its glory days.

...that I was able to attend games in the Grand Old Lady on the Lake before it was demolished for the new Cleveland Browns Stadium.

...that the Browns stadium is named just that and not some sponsor like Progressive Field.

...that I was able to enjoy the Indians in the mid-90s.

...that know what it is to be loyal and die hard no matter what, to something.

The Bad In Life Is Good

I sat in a rush hour traffic jam this evening thinking about a number of different things including how odd it is for me to say, "Think of how far I've come?" I was thinking of my personal well being and happiness.

I felt it is odd because the answer varies based on how long of a span within your life you look.

For example: If I compare my life now to 2003 and 2004, my life has come a tremendously long way back from some very dark times to some very happy times. But if I compare my life now to my years in college and soon thereafter, it is about the same. I was pretty happy and content with my life back then too. So I haven't come a long way at all.

Like Obi Won Kanobi said in Jedi, "It's all a matter of how you look at it." That's the quote as I remember it anyway.

Then I thought how I can easily identify the worst time of my life. The worst moment. The worst experience. The worst year. But I can't pinpoint my single best moment, experience or year.

What was better? My wedding? The birth of my daughters? The 1997 Rose Bowl with my Dad? Graduations? First kiss or any other firsts?

I'm extremely fortunate to have a number of experiences that can be thrown in a steel cage match of sorts to battle it out for the top spot.

This led me to comparing my nightmare of 2003-2004 with the dreadful years in middle school. Those middle school "issues" I dealt with seem so petty and overblown in comparison to the heavy stuff I dealt with later. Yet I handled myself so much better through the stress of 03-04. Obviously, being an adult with more perspective helped.

If I looked back on my life in the midst of my family falling apart before my eyes in health and status to my years of near depression in 8th grade, would I have felt I came a long way?

Today's vantage point would lead me to believe that yes, I have come a long way. In fact, it was those two periods of my life that have truly defined who I am. I needed my daughter's health issue to wake me up and force me to grow up and demonstrate better responsibility as a father. This is not to say I was a bad father at that time. It is to say that this experience has brought out the best in me.

The end of my marriage needed to happen for my well being and happiness and I sincerely believe it has led to a better life for my ex and our daughter. Forcing that marriage to continue would have led to a life of indifference and resentment. We have all moved on and have grown to a point that is much more healthy today. There is still more work to be done, but if there wasn't then what will I look to in the future to measure how far I have come from now?

More validation came in the summer of 2008. I dealt with two losses in my life. My grandmother passed and my unborn daughter to be passed away. These experiences happened so close together in May and June that much of the emotion blurs together. But as I left that summer, I had this calm, soothing feeling in my soul. The grieving I did that summer took me to place I needed to be. It was a place I wouldn't have been had I not learned and grown from the other hardships.

One could conceivably say that those worst periods of my life have been the best. The strength they required and the maturity I showed have provided proof that I am a better person than I often think. I used to worry I would fold in tough times. But I can now say I know I won't. I know I didn't in the past.

Tough times don't last. Tough people do.

I'll never think or act like I'd win a fist fight. But I can handle the mental battles that life brings. I can outlast hardship. And I can do what it takes to regain my well-being and happiness.

I can because I did.

Finally, I realize my difficulty pales in comparison to many troubles others have. By no means do I attempt to compare myself to them or compete with them for who has had tougher times. I doubt I could handle many of the things others have dealt with throughout history or around the world as we speak. If anything, my experiences have taught me just how much respect and admiration I have for people dealing with much tougher stresses than I have dealt with in my life.

The One Block Rule: A Tribute To My Brother

Next week I will fly to Chicago to celebrate my brother's graduation from Kellogg, one of the most prestigious business schools in the U.S. It should be a great weekend for him and our family as we all share our pride with him and witness the finality of this accomplishment.

It is a well deserved honor for him. My brother is one of the most driven, hard working, intelligent people I know. You don't graduate from The Ohio State University with honors and then work in Sweden for two years only to follow up with two years in Evanston, earning an MBA with newborn twins to boot without having some drive and intelligence.

Of course, let's make sure credit is given where credit is due here. He married a very special woman who played an important role in all of this as well. She uprooted her life to move across the ocean and travel the world with him as a newlywed. She also carried the majority of the load with those boys while he was hard at work studying and working.

As much as I respect and admire my brother, my sister-in-law deserves and has a great deal of respect, admiration and love from me as well.

I've watched my brother grow up from the day he was brought home from the hospital. We shared a room growing up and I have many memories wanting him out. I managed to convince him to move into the walk-in closet we had so I could have the whole room. Later, we put up a blanket in that same closet to divide it into our own personal, "private" spaces.

Despite these efforts, we spent a good bit of time together growing up. We shared a number of similar interests and friends. Only two years apart in age, we also attended high school and college at the same time.

When I left to attend Ohio State, he joined my Dad to help me move. I knew my roommate from high school and was aware that he wouldn't move in until the day after I did, so my brother even spent my first night in the dorm with me.

If this wasn't enough, when it was his turn to leave for college he chose Ohio State as well, following in my steps......or so I'd like to think. My brother more than made footsteps of his own.

After he and his roommate decided they were done living in the dorms after their freshman year, they moved in with me. All those years of trying to get away from one another and here we were choosing to live together. Granted, this time around we had our own rooms, but my point is still valid.

I have had first hand experience watching my brother bust his rear end studying and working and attaining high marks in school. I have witnessed how he interacted with people and situations. I saw his mistakes and accomplishments. I observed him grow up and mature and become who he is today.

The whole time I watched with awe. I was the older brother, but all too often I was learning from him. That has been hard to take sometimes. It is humbling to be the apprentice when you are traditionally supposed to be the master. But I would like to think that is more of a testament to him than a strike against me.

Long gone are the days of the "One Block Rule." I always reference this story because it is a perfect example of the changing of the guard that took place between us. There once was a day, believe it or not, that I would dominate our one-on-one basketball games in the driveway. This was about the time I hit my growth spurt and he still had a couple of years before he would hit his own.

My advantage in height allowed me to block so many of his shots that it became pointless for us to play. So we agreed to the "one block rule" that limited me to one block per game. This way he could get shots off and our games were much more competitive.

Today there is no need for that rule. He has surpassed me in athletic ability. I couldn't block his shot if my life depended on it. But the chemistry that developed from those hours in our driveway playing hotly contested basketball games, working the give and go to perfection versus our neighbors and creating football routes like P2 in the bushes in which no defender north of I-90 could stop, led to a relationship and a host of memories that I'll take over athletic superiority.

I also like to use this story to grab some credit in my brother's development and success. I would like to think that this rule ignited a fire in him that burns to this day. I'd like to think this need to beat his brother in basketball translated into other aspects of his life.

It may be stretch but I'll openly admit I am grasping for some of his coat tails.

I have a ton of respect for my brother. He and I have a good bit in common but we are very different in the way we approach and handle things. While he continues to downplay this achievement, I and the rest of his family are excited to celebrate a major accomplishment in his life. He may be humble about it but I have no problem picking up the slack and bragging about my brother and his MBA from the Kellogg School Of Business at Northwestern University.

Not So High Aspirations

There is this song by Nickleback, a band I can't stand, that keeps getting played at seemingly every place I go. I finally gave in and listened to it. The lyrics repeatedly described the lifestyle of a "rock star" and I continuously heard how the singer supposedly thought we all want to be a rock star.

I'll admit there are days I have dreamed of living that life. Other times I have fantasized of being an athletic superstar, preferably on the football field. Finally, like everyone I have speculated about what I would do if I won the lottery and suddenly became rich.

So, as I heard this guy wax poetic about easy women, cheap drugs, the best bars, hanging out with movie stars (catch that rhyme there?), plenty of money and on and on, I thought to myself how in all honesty, that is NOT the life I'd be happiest living.

Of course I'd love to be popular. Rocking out on stage and feeling the power of the sound behind would be awesome. The party lifestyle would even be fun for awhile or until the hangovers and morning afters got old. The toys that come with all the riches of rock star status would be sweet too.

In the end though, my aspirations are much milder. For me, happiness is much more simple. True, I'd like a ton of money, but this more to pay of debt than anything else. I like the idea of having things to want.

This goes against many of the Buddhist principles I have been gleaming about of late, but I find enjoyment in having to browse through Best Buy to pick a CD or two because I can't just buy every one I want. There is a certain amount of pleasure I get out of this.

I don't want to be Tiger Woods or LeBron James and have everything I could possibly imagine. That would be boring.

But I really would like my debt paid off!

No, for me it is the simpler things that would make me happy.

I am perfectly satisfied with the opportunity to play softball a couple nights week. I would like to play basketball with my friends on a regular basis. Making it out to a ballgame from time to time is something I would appreciate. Watching my favorite teams play and win is important to me as well.

I enjoy coming home to hang out with my wife and kids. My daughter's laugh makes me happy. When she calls me "daddy" my heart rate increases in a good way. Taking a vacation to New England with my wife would be sweet. Having a comfortable house in a safe neighborhood near my friends and around sensible neighbors is pleasant. Grilling out on warm summer nights is always good.

Pulling a chair up to a bar and tossing back a couple cold ones with good friends is a happy occurrence for me. If a game is on at the same time, BONUS! If I'm tailgating before a game, that is even better!

Blogging away and knowing friends and family read with interest is appealing to me as well. Finding old friends and catching up with them on social networking sites brings a smile to my face.

I want trips to Dairy Queen to remain a treat. I'd hate to be "above" that.

There are plenty of other things I enjoy. I could probably work out some rhymes and catchy hooks and make a song out of these too.

But one thing is for sure, as much as those riches and parties and all that glory sounds enticing, the rest of that lifestyle wouldn't be worth it. I'd rather live the life I live now.

Living Funeral

Isn't it depressing that a funeral attracts so many people that love and care about the deceased but the deceased isn't there to enjoy their company?

Wouldn't it be nice to have all of those people together at one time while you are alive to enjoy their company?

As I thought about this, I wondered why we don't have more formal or traditional celebrations to invite every one of our loved ones and friends?

There are events when this happens like weddings, graduations and birthdays. But even during these events, the attention is on the specific reason for the event. In my case, the only reason would be time with people you care about and who care about you.

I guess it would be rather narcissistic and egocentric. It is difficult to find time and many friends have busy enough schedules that they couldn't break away just for some celebration for the sake of celebration.

But what if we, as a culture, made it a point to make celebrations like this acceptable. If everybody understood that these were to bring people together before they died and enjoy the relationships and the love and care within these relationships regardless of how serious or close the relationship is, then maybe it wouldn't seem too vain. Despite the fact that the party centers around one person, the fact that it is to share in the energy we all give each other, it would be seen as something more than a selfish excuse for attention.

Even though someone may coordinate the celebration around their numerous circles of friends, many circles overlap. Friends would have other friends there. Therefore, being invited is beneficial to the invited as well as the inviting because they are sharing in this positive energy created by the celebration.

The format wouldn't need to mimic that of a funeral. It could be anything the inviting person wants it to be according to their preferences. I keep envisioning a wedding reception type of deal. Food, music, spirits, dancing, lots of pictures and some speeches or something. I also picture some sort of sports game playing on the screen in the background, maybe some arcade type games going on or other forms of entertainment.

Why wait for your death to pay respects? Why not enjoy the thoughts and concern or care of your friends and loved ones while you are alive?

Footprints

I received a belated birthday card from my mother this week. In it she wrote an extended letter that was very heart warming. This hasn't been the first positive letter, email or phone call I have received from her, my father or other family, friends and loved ones recently. It has also been a tough time for me personally lately.

As I reflected on this fact I was reminded of the well known poem called "Footprints." I do not who wrote it but it was about a guy who walks down a beach and looks back at his footprints. These footprints represent his life. As he looked back he noticed there were two sets of footprints, one being his and the other being Jesus'. But during the hard times in his life one set was missing. The man was upset thinking he was abandoned during these times. But to his surprise, these were the times Jesus picked him up and carried him.

I realize this may come off as a bit religious and I proclaim not to be a religious person. Some of you may consider me a hypocrite. So be it. I have always liked the idea of this poem regardless of its religious connotation. There is this feeling of safety and security that comes with it.

The letter from my mother and the support of so many friends and loved ones over the past year and more has reminded me of this poem. In my own way I have had people pick me up and carry me during this stretch. It hasn't been one person, but many.

I am truly grateful to these people and their kindness and support.

Power of Words

Today marked a perfect example of how the things people say to me can take me from one extreme emotion to the other. I bet it has more to do with my weak inner fortitude, oversensitivity or codependent personality. I should care far less than I do about what people say to me, but the facts are, the reality is, I do care. It bothers me. It makes me feel estactic. It makes my day and it ruins my day. You know how coaches say their teams shouldn't get too high after a win or too low after a loss? I am the antithesis to that to my own dismay.

Here is my example:

I open the day like any other day dropping off my daughter at school and heading to my place of employment to hack out another day trying to educate our youth. Usually, it means more of listening to a barrage of disrespectful responses and dealing with complete apathy. Anyway, a colleague comes to me in the hallway to "thank" me. Thaaaaaaaank me. I sigh, knowing what was about to come. Apparently he felt bad about his class' test scores from last year as they were not showing the kind of results he wanted for his Master's project. But after he look at my and another colleague's class scores, he didn't feel so bad. So he thanked me for basically failing worse than he did. What am I supposed to say to that? I felt like crap. I already deal with enough feelings of failure at my job, another blow to the head from him doesn't help.

This comes after I consistently speak up in his and other's defense at grade level meetings with the principal. I huddle my team in the morning to pump each other up after compliments or evidence of something going well. I include his condescending rear end in that too. I overlook his shortcomings because quite honestly, we all have some. So I was pretty down and angry. Fortunately (????) for me, I had a class full of rowdy kids coming who quickly get my mind off of everything that takes place outside the classroom doors. So no sooner did I process what just went down did I focus on something else.

After another exhausting day, I was preparing for next weeks lessons when I ran into another colleague who asked me how my daughter was doing. My daughter is well known at my school from her frequent visits and her attendance last year. She was hard NOT to notice for reasons I'll choose to avoid this time. I love talking about her and I think it is noticeable because everybody asks me how she is doing out of kindness and small talk if not genuine interest. My colleague proceeded to speak very highly of my girl which felt nice but it led to more talk about special education. This colleague is currently pursuing a degree in special education. With a daughter in special education, not to mention a wife who teaches it, I have read a ton of stuff regarding it, talked to a number of people about it, and experienced a ton of it from the parental angle over the past 6 years.

It was a good discussion. Coincidentally, another colleague who I have worked with for a decade now was just around the corner and overheard the whole conversation. She, too, has a background in special education. This is a woman I wanted to compliment earlier in the day about how open she is to other teacher's ideas and strategies. She has no ego. But she was with a close companion to the degrading, hurtful colleague at the time and I decided to pass. Well after missing my opportunity to pay her a compliment I felt she deserved, she took a minute to praise me for how much I knew about special education. She said I pretty much hit the nail on the head and she could tell by the words I used that I knew what I was talking about.

That felt good. That felt damn good!

So I went from one extreme to another today. I really need to learn to even things out.

Thank You

Every now and then I feel the urge to thank those of you reading my blog. This is one of those times. I write this thing because I really enjoy it. I like discussing things on my mind. I have a lot of stuff on my mind, as does anyone really. But I enjoy putting it out there for others to read.

While I have had plenty of fun spewing my venom to the world for my own selfish, egocentric, vain reasons, there hasn't been much discussion on this blog. But that is ok. This is NOT a call for everyone to start commenting. Part of me wants more comments to fulfill some sort of need for validation. It is like that phase we all went through throwing "keggers" back in college. You would measure the success of the party by how many kegs you finished off. Somehow your supposed popularity was indicated by this. And the more popular you were, the cooler you were and therefore more worthwhile.

Well, that is how I felt anyway. I'll admit it. My point is, that same feeling creeps in at times. I want to be popular. I want to feel as though this blog is worthwhile. I think this could be measured by how many people comment on it. I feel like I go overboard sometimes in plugging this blog. I just linked it in an email thread with some friends but mostly strangers. I was hoping to continue an awesome discussion we had going. I wanted to create some buzz on this blog. Side note: Does anyone know how I can get new comments listed on the side of this blog so viewers can see new comments on old posts? My sister in law has that feature but I can't figure it out on here.

I have learned though that comments don't necessarily mean as much as I think. I don't really care what strangers who may so happen to browse through here think. I shouldn't. What I care about it how my friends and family enjoy it. I get a ton of positive responses from friends and family about the blog all the time. That is awesome. I love that. I love hearing that people liked what I wrote. Or I love hearing them reference old posts in our conversations. That is, in the end, the point.

So thank you.

Thanks Chris for having some fun guessing the other bands on my list. And thanks for other good conversations about the blog. It is actually the late night metaphysical discussions we would have back in the day that has inspired many of these posts. Granted those late night discussions may have been fueled by the partying earlier in the night but I haven't lost memory of them.

Thanks Kathryn for setting the blog as your homepage...or at least in the past.

Thanks Michelle for commenting on how you enjoyed the view into the education from a different point of view as your own. And thanks for calling me out on Pearl Jam.

Thanks Zac for consistently chiming in. Thanks for your help and opinions. Valid, educated opinions.

Thanks Chad for bringing up the posts at school to help lighten the day.

Thanks mom for lending your support and encouragement as well as your educated expertise on the spiritual posts..

Thanks Jackie for being so over the top complimentary about my stuff.

Thanks Doug for giving your two cents when we talk about the sports stuff.

Thanks Dad for keeping my grammar in check and jotting notes of your observations to share with me on trips out to Chicago to help Doug move. And tanks for passing the word to your friends at church.

Thanks Jenn for giving me the idea in the first place.

Thanks Mike T. for lending your eloquent insight and opinion and point of view as well.

Thanks Nelson for opening my eyes about MMA.

Thanks Kasper for reading for the sports posts and using them against me in our sports debates while religiously watching our Cleveland teams lose at King Ave 5.

Thanks Carrie for sharing your heart felt opinions about my Ally posts.

Thanks to Hostetler for quietly reading my blog then referencing a post during our pre-Vegas (errrrr...Veags) excursion with Travis out and about Los Angeles, CA.

I know I am forgetting people. For ANYONE who has been reading this blog regularly or casually, THANK YOU!!!!

It is very cool talking about this stuff with you guys. It really is.