Power of Words

Today marked a perfect example of how the things people say to me can take me from one extreme emotion to the other. I bet it has more to do with my weak inner fortitude, oversensitivity or codependent personality. I should care far less than I do about what people say to me, but the facts are, the reality is, I do care. It bothers me. It makes me feel estactic. It makes my day and it ruins my day. You know how coaches say their teams shouldn't get too high after a win or too low after a loss? I am the antithesis to that to my own dismay.

Here is my example:

I open the day like any other day dropping off my daughter at school and heading to my place of employment to hack out another day trying to educate our youth. Usually, it means more of listening to a barrage of disrespectful responses and dealing with complete apathy. Anyway, a colleague comes to me in the hallway to "thank" me. Thaaaaaaaank me. I sigh, knowing what was about to come. Apparently he felt bad about his class' test scores from last year as they were not showing the kind of results he wanted for his Master's project. But after he look at my and another colleague's class scores, he didn't feel so bad. So he thanked me for basically failing worse than he did. What am I supposed to say to that? I felt like crap. I already deal with enough feelings of failure at my job, another blow to the head from him doesn't help.

This comes after I consistently speak up in his and other's defense at grade level meetings with the principal. I huddle my team in the morning to pump each other up after compliments or evidence of something going well. I include his condescending rear end in that too. I overlook his shortcomings because quite honestly, we all have some. So I was pretty down and angry. Fortunately (????) for me, I had a class full of rowdy kids coming who quickly get my mind off of everything that takes place outside the classroom doors. So no sooner did I process what just went down did I focus on something else.

After another exhausting day, I was preparing for next weeks lessons when I ran into another colleague who asked me how my daughter was doing. My daughter is well known at my school from her frequent visits and her attendance last year. She was hard NOT to notice for reasons I'll choose to avoid this time. I love talking about her and I think it is noticeable because everybody asks me how she is doing out of kindness and small talk if not genuine interest. My colleague proceeded to speak very highly of my girl which felt nice but it led to more talk about special education. This colleague is currently pursuing a degree in special education. With a daughter in special education, not to mention a wife who teaches it, I have read a ton of stuff regarding it, talked to a number of people about it, and experienced a ton of it from the parental angle over the past 6 years.

It was a good discussion. Coincidentally, another colleague who I have worked with for a decade now was just around the corner and overheard the whole conversation. She, too, has a background in special education. This is a woman I wanted to compliment earlier in the day about how open she is to other teacher's ideas and strategies. She has no ego. But she was with a close companion to the degrading, hurtful colleague at the time and I decided to pass. Well after missing my opportunity to pay her a compliment I felt she deserved, she took a minute to praise me for how much I knew about special education. She said I pretty much hit the nail on the head and she could tell by the words I used that I knew what I was talking about.

That felt good. That felt damn good!

So I went from one extreme to another today. I really need to learn to even things out.