Teaching in an area where I teach, I deal with a good bit of conflict with lack of conflict resolution skills. But a phenomenom that exists in every school across the country regardless of area is this bully mentality that certain students take on. As a teacher, it is my job to not only educate my students but teach them how to handle life situations such as dealing with a bully. I used to think parents would take care of this ( I do with my daughter and plan to continue to do so), but as I have learned, that doesn't always happen. The instances where parents to teach their children how to deal with bullies, it isn't in a manner conducive to the educational process.
I do not disagree with the frame of mind that one needs to stand up to a bully. I think that is important. Although I do feel that there are ways in which to do this that go beyond "hitting back." This line is a tough one to walk as an authority figure in this scenerio. I do not want fights breaking out in school. This is not a positive situation and impedes the process of education. On the other hand, I am a firm believer in standing up to a bully and defending yourself or friend. I also think letting it go can many times lead to built up frustration and major blowups like Columbine and other unfortunate events.
I try to teach my students alternatives to fighting even in circumstances where they are being intimidated. But many times in fourth grade this leads to "snitching" which is a whole other blog post waiting to happen. I try to get my students to learn to address the intimidator directly according to situation, Simply stating they do not like what is happening and to stop it. Unfortunately, this opens them up to more riducule compounding the problem. Specific situations have specific ways to handle them and I feel like this year I have been able to handle these better than past years but the overall problem remains.
Therefore, I think to myself as I reflect on this, "What is the core of the problem? How can I address the beginning of the issue?" Nip it in the bud so to speak. If I had a penny for the times I find myself dealing with a confrontation that is the part of a long series of interactions between two or more people, I could quit teaching now with two decades left before retirement. Where is the staring point and how do I identify that and squash it there?
I brought this up to my students one year and used a chain analogy. I tried to describe this issue with them and relate it to specific events in the class. I told them that we need to break the chain. Nobody is admitting to being a bully. Everybody claims to be the victim. But that is not possible. In order to have a victim you have to have an offender. Somebody in the class or some bodies in the class are the offender(s). I am not paid to be a detective and figure it out. I am paid to teach. As a result my lesson is: BREAK THE CHAIN! Victim or no victim, QUIT intimidating or fighting or insulting other students. Just stop it. If everyboy stops it from now on, we won't have it anymore.
But then I worry I am taking a survival skill from them. Where they live, there are a lot of angry and mean people. There are everywhere but it just seems like there is more anger and negativity there. In order to make there amidst all these negative behavior, one needs to defend themselves by attacking. Kill or be killed, sometimes literally in the case of a former student of mine shot and killed in gang related activity. Can I justify taking this trait from them considering their situation?
I would think yes. I would think we need to end this bad stuff. The way to do that would be through education and teaching our youth how to deal with problems without resorting to violence.
It is a nasty chain. A strong one at that. We need to break it as a society, country and humanity. Whoever is bullying others and initiating a new chain needs to stop. Somebody needs to take one for the team and resist the urge to act out violently.
Break the chain......please!
1 comment:
The problem is that even the bullies are victims in some way. They feel powerless in their own situations in a way that causes them to take it out on others. I think a key way of keeping the peace in school without taking away student survival skills is to teach them that there is a different way to behave in certain situations. Anyone who has ever worked their way out of poverty has figured this out. You can act one way at home or in the neighborhood, but you must act a different way at school or work if you want to succeed.
The advantage we have as white, middle-class men is that there is less of a difference between our personal and professional lives than the average kid from Linden.
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