2009: My Year Of The Woman

It is that time of year again where I feel obligated to write some sort of recap of the year that was. I don't foresee a long winded double post like last year . This year wasn't nearly as tragic as 2008 and I think I have been suffering from blog fatigue these past several weeks. Therefore, this should be short and simple.

I look at 2009 as a year of calm healing. It was time for my life to settle down a bit. No divorces. No deaths. No hospitalizations. I didn't get married. I worked the same job with the same district at the same school in the same grade with mostly the same people.

So I have had the opportunity to calm down, exhale and set my feet so to speak.

Um. Maybe.

With that said, my wife and I brought a new baby girl into this world. By no means is that calming. But it is much more pleasant than many of the events of 2008.

My wife is such a model mother and baby girl has been so good and easily appeased. The fact that this is my second time around the block has made this fresh fatherhood experience much easier than it could have been for me as well. Finally, my oldest daughter has made a smooth transition from only child to big sister with relative ease.

Our little one represents so much joy for us. Not only has she brought the happiness parents get with a newborn, but she has helped heal the pain of losing our first baby in 2008. She has been a blessing. Our hopes and dreams have come true with her and filled the missing spaces we had from 2008. Although, I still feel guilty about letting the memory of Mallory go.

That brings my family life to a wife and two daughters.

I cite that fact because not only is my family life consumed with females and estrogen overload, but my workplace is as well. This school year I began teaching a single gender classroom. The gender? Girls.

On one hand, it is an interesting experience as I examine gender differences in an educational setting as well as in general. I am a sociologist at heart. This stuff intrigues me. It provides me with an opportunity to question stereotypes but also use them. It allows me to observe how girls behave without boys around. Putting all my frustration aside, it really is fascinating.

On the other hand, the drama that takes place in my classroom is ridiculous!

Every day without fail it takes at least 30 minutes after recess to sort through it all and get the girls focused on what matters. It is rarely something critical. The girls think it is, but almost always the issue is something extremely petty.

Fortunately, our lunch period is last so the lost time is minimized. But the frustration is compounding daily.

In order to maintain some sort of sanity in my female dominated life, I have tried to find balance.

I entered five fantasy football leagues. My wife allows enough flexibility and freedom for opportunities to hang out with my male friends.

But most of all I have tried to enjoy the women in my life that I love. You can't replace the satisfaction and joy that comes with having two little girls at home being cute and making you laugh.

Nor can you deny the pleasure of spending time with a beautiful wife that is highly engaging and extremely interesting.

In the end, this year has been about stabilizing things, getting back to a steady rhythm in my life.

I look forward to particular changes in 2010. I anticipate these changes to be good.

Chris Spielman's Toughness

Chris Spielman is a hero in many people's eyes for numerous reasons from petty to legitimate. Number 36 was a legendary linebacker at The Ohio State University in the 80's. Football is king in central Ohio and Mr. Spielman is royalty. He is passionate about the sport and makes no excuses for it.



But he is not only admired for his superior athletic ability but his dedication to his wife, Stephanie who recently passed away from cancer. Despite his passion for football, he sat out a year to be with his wife when she was first diagnosed. He and Stephanie demonstrated tremendous strength and perseverance as they fought her battle together.



Currently he hosts a sports radio show on 97.1 FM The Fan in Columbus. During a recent show he talked about the competitive rivalry between he and his brother, Rick who is the Vice President of Player Personnel for the Minnesota Vikings. Whether it was on the football field or seeing who could hold their breathe under water longer, they competed over everything and hated to lose.

During the wake for his wife, who is a local celebrity as a result of their public efforts to fight cancer and raise money, awareness and support, his brother stood by him. He literally stood next to him for seven hours greeting those who came to pay their respects.

Chris seemed to get emotional on the air as he told this story. Anyone with a heart would understand. As the two of them stood there hour after tedious hour, his brother refused to sit down. Chris even told him he could have a seat and relax, but Rick would not sit down if Chris wouldn't sit down. He wasn't going to give in.

This story of their undying competitive nature is rather humorous in its own way but we can see the meaning behind it. I was touched as I listened. Beyond the competition, his brother was there for him.

Both Chris and Rick are physically strong human beings who would win most fights. If you needed someone to protect you, they would be prime people to have on your side.

But I have more admiration for the deeper strength they demonstrated. Rick exemplified it through his support for his brother. Chris showed it through his paramount dedication to his wife. He put aside his passion to be with her. He took on a tremendous amount of responsibility as a father, spouse and caregiver to a sick loved one.

Granted I am biased because I have never been a tough guy. But I get tired of seeing more respect paid to the big guys for being big when there are countless other people who are more courageous and strong for what they do....like standing by their brother at a wake.

Funny, that I use a stereotypical tough guy to demonstrate this point. Almost ironic?

I would like to think I am the brother that would stand there for seven hours. Or the husband that would take on the parenting in addition to supporting the endless chemo treatments and other necessary care giving that is involved with a sick loved one.

I have admired Mr. Spielman partly because I am a Buckeye. But I that doesn't hold a light to how much I respect him because of these other characteristics.

Thanksgiving

I am well aware of the "meaning" of this holiday: the genocide of American Indians. With that said, it still provides an opportunity to give thanks and show appreciation for the important things in life. While we're at it, expressing gratefulness for the trivial things as well doesn't hurt.

I would like to share my Thanksgiving for this year.

I am very grateful for the birth of my second daughter. She brings added joy to my marriage as my wife and I nurture this child and raise her. After losing Mallory and experiencing the heartache that brought for us, this birth took on extra meaning. The miracle of life was not taken for granted.

I am pleased to watch my oldest grow into a role model and care for her little sister. She has handled this change in our household with relative ease. I'm so proud and impressed with her thus far.

I appreciate my wife. This is not an easy situation we are in with a prior marriage, a child and a house that is not her own. She has uprooted her life to become part of mine, the whole time wanting to start a shared life between the two of us. The patience she has been forced to exhibit would break many women. I am grateful for this and so much more.

I am immensely thankful for every day I have with my oldest daughter. I have been open about the fact that she has had a roller coaster of a life in regards to her development and health. She continues to maintain a happy, cheerful disposition despite it all. Meanwhile I worry every second of every day about every aspect of her struggles. I never know when I may lose her. I try to stop my tendency to think negatively and catastrophically when I do not need to but the fact is that this is the way my brain works. I have reason to think this way in her case. So I need to enjoy every minute I have with her.

I am thankful that I have a job, house, food and clothing.

I am thankful that I have a supportive family and my in-laws have welcomed me with open arms.

I am grateful I live in a country with the freedom that we have despite the abuses of these freedoms by numerous people.

My friends have stepped up when I have needed them and I cannot ignore them in a post regarding appreciation. It is easy to be a friend when things are good, but it takes genuine care and concern when things are bad. I say things and do things without thinking from time to time but they never cut off our friendships as a result. I thank them all for their patience.

I can't ignore the appreciation I have for the fact that I have so much to be appreciative of in general.

Finally, I am thankful for the following I have for this blog. There are over 2,100 hits this year alone with about half the posts of last year.

Thank you.

Happy OSU v. Michigan

I say this with 100% genuine sincerity: The Ohio State Buckeyes versus University of Michigan Wolverines Football Saturday is an observed holiday in my household. I will go to my grave recognizing this day.

So as Jim Tressel led our Buckeyes to his 8th win in 9 years as our head coach today, I learned many things about this day and my life in general. I would like to share them with you.

1. I cherish this day.

2. It makes the day so enjoyable when OSU wins and the weather is a balmy 50 degrees and sunny.

3. I have some really cool friends who come to my house despite the prospect that our Bucks may lose and I may make everyone uncomfortable.

4. My dude, Chad gets it.

5. I love my wife. I had some where around 10 friends and colleagues come to my house to share in the festivities and she was nothing but cordial and welcoming. Never once did she balk. There would be a mess. Our carpet would be walked upon. Plenty of boisterous ruckus would take place. And never did she complain. She took care of the baby and I got to socialize and watch football.

6. I wish I could have joined Rob's bonfire.

7. I got to experience the phenomenon that is The Baddness and it was well worth the price of admission. His friends are very cool and I hope to hang out with them again.

8. Oregon will most likely be our opponent in the Rose Bowl. Maybe now, we can gain some respect int he eyes of ESPN and the national media. But the defense BETTER show up and somehow, someway, Pryor needs to learn how to pass in the next month.

9. I don't give a damn for the whole state of Michigan 'cuz I'm from OH-IO.

10. I really wish I could have had my oldest daughter with me today. I mean it when I say I consider this day a holiday. Just like Thanksgiving and Christmas and her birthday, I want to share this day with my girl. I want her decked out in her scarlet and gray cheering with me and getting frustrated with the bad plays. I want her to form memories of these games with her dad. While so much was good about today, there is still this missing piece in my heart. I would trade the times with my friends for the time with her in a hear beat. I have before and would have today. Of course, today I could have had both. But this is reality. Maybe next year.

11. I did get to share the day with my youngest. Most of the day she was with her mom. But she had her Buckeye gear on. She watched pregame with me and listened to the marching band. Most importantly, she was her to experience the experience. When she is up walking and talking, I anticipate her contribution to the future holidays to be significant.

12. I like my life the way it is. I witnessed numerous things tonight. But after it was all said and done, I was very happy I am living the life I am living. I am happy I have my family as it is, my house, a job, my friends, my personality, attitude, way of living, values and general lifestyle. I can't do what some can but I am happy with watching them. I don't do what some do and I am extremely pleased I don't.

13. I am excited to see family and old friends this coming weekend for the holiday. I have plenty to be thankful for and I look forward to acknowledging it!

On this day when we beat Michigan....LIFE IS GOOD!

WWHD

Yesterday a highly respected colleague of mine walked in my room after dismissal and the conversation went something like this:

"Huey, I had moment today."

"Uh oh what happened?" I responded.

"I had too much going on and I was trying to get all of this stuff in during Reading and it was falling apart in front of my face," she said sounding rather exasperated.

"Then I thought to myself, 'What would Huey do?'" she continued with her hand on her forehead with a look of consternation.

"Oh yeah?" I asked. "And what did Huey end up doing?"

"Stopped. Thought, 'Less is more. Work smarter, not harder.'"

"Ahh, so you streamlined the lesson and focused on what makes the most impact?" I though it would be wise to paraphrase back what she said to demonstrate my understanding.

"Exactly. Thank you Mr. Huey. Thank you."

The colleague with whom I had this conversation is an amazing woman who I hold in extremely high regard. I try to emulate her on a daily basis. The things she does in her classroom are truly remarkable.

Although I have worked next door to her for almost a decade now and have a clear idea of how she works, I am not the only one who has noticed her success. Any time there are important people in our school to observe how things work, her classroom is the model to which we hold ourselves and it's her room our administration takes the visitors to see first.

But the quality I find most appealing is her humility. Despite the accolades and praise we all shower upon her, she gets it. She understand that she is a product of others. Every time I compliment her or thank her or refer to her strengths, she immediately returns with a reference to something I have done that she has copied or taken from me.

She is extremely supportive in her language. She never offers help in a condescending manner. In meetings, she publicly praises me and brags about things I have done or that our grade level as a group has done.

So when someone like her recognizes my greatness, it means something to me. It is a legitimate comment that I take to heart.

I realize greatness isn't usually appreciated in its time, but she has appreciated mine ....if I do say so myself. And that is something people in my profession need more of, more often.

Especially when you end the day with bold, angry, little fourth graders calling you an idiot and intentionally jamming their should in your gut.

2009-2010 Cleveland Cavaliers: No More Excuses

Before we go forward, we must look back.

Since the emergence of LeBron James to NBA royalty, the Cleveland Cavaliers have been trying to find the perfect recipe to mix with him for a title.

In 2007 LeBron put the team on his back and carried them to the NBA Finals. But they were easily disposed of by the experience and overwhelming talent of the San Antonio Spurs.

Ferry knew he needed to bring in more talent. He wanted to surround James with a better supporting cast. At the same time, he tried to maintain the integrity of the team and keep contract flexibility for the 2010 free agent class only a few years away at that time.

In a trading deadline blockbuster during the 2007-2008 season, he brought in Ben Wallace, Wally Szczerbiak, Delonte West and Joe Smith.

Unfortunately, a fourth seed in the postseason led the Cavs to playoff series without home court advantage. Many blamed this for the early exit in the second round to the eventual champions, Boston Celtics. It was said in some circles that the closely contested game seven of that series would have gone in the Cavs' favor if it was in Cleveland instead of Boston.

So last off season Ferry went out and acquired Mo Williams to guide the team and possibly be LeBron's number two man. In addition, the team committed themselves to "one goal," which meant they were gunning for home court advantage throughout the entire postseason and a title.

The team ripped off a franchise record 66 wins. They dominated the first two playoff series, sweeping Detroit and Atlanta.

They had the coveted home court advantage and several players were stepping up to give James the support every Cavs' fan had been begging for throughout his career.

But once again, they fell short as Dwight Howard and the Orlando Magic created match up problems that Mike Brown and the Cavs could not overcome.

That brings us to the 2009 off season. There were more off season moves by Ferry to shore up the lineup and address those problems Orlando presented for the Cavs.

First, the "Shaquisition." Ferry worked a low risk trade with the Phoenix Suns to acquire Shaquille O'Neal for center/forward Ben Wallace and guard Sasha Pavlovic as well as a draft pick.

Last season O'Neal averaged 17.8 points and 8.4 rebounds a game and appeared in his 15th All-Star Game.

In addition, Ferry signed Anthony Parker and Jamario Moon.

Parker is a guard/forward who can start. Last season with the Toronto Raptors, he averaged 10.7 points, 4.0 rebounds and career highs of 3.4 assists and 1.3 steals in 33.0 minutes per game. He will fit in well with the defensive minded Cavs and add some much needed offense as well.

Moon is a forward who plays the same position as James but will find a way into the lineup. He is a solid outside shooter who can rebound and play defense. He averaged 7.2 points per game last season and 4.6 rebounds.

Overlooked in the midst of these three signings was the resigning of Andy Varejao who brings plenty of hustle and energy to the team. He gets in the head of opponents and takes charges like few in the NBA do. He has also developed a good relationship with LeBron on the court as the two feed off each other.

O'Neal should be able to guard anyone down low without the need for a double team which will alleviate some of the stress on the perimeter. Parker and Moon add athleticism and length on the perimeter so the undersized Delonte West won't be worn down guarding the Rashard Lewis' or Hedo Turkoglu's of the world.

That brings us to the current season.

There are no more excuses for the Cavaliers.

LeBron now has a legitimate number two in O'Neal and there are quality role players surrounding them. They have height, shooters and ball handlers. They have athleticism and a mix of youth and experience. There is depth at every position.

The team chemistry was well documented last year as they enjoyed their pregame rituals like the photograph poses.

The core of the team has been together for several seasons. Mo Williams has been through a post season as an integral part of the team. The coach has plenty of experience.

This year MUST be the year.

Get home court.

Beat the teams in front of you.

Bring home the title to a starving city bleeding wine and gold!

I Love It.....

...when I come home from work and open the garage door to the sounds and coos of my baby girl upstairs.

...when I walk up those stairs and see my oldest anxiously greet me with a hug and plenty of excitement.

...when my wife makes sure I don't proceed without giving her a kiss.

...that my wife looks as beautiful as she does.

...that my wife can carry and contribute to a conversation about anything I have on my mind and initiates conversations that intrigue me.

...when I play night softball games under the lights. I fondly remember when I did it for the first time in high school and was struck by the feeling that rushed over me as I trotted out to the outfield. Now, almost twenty years later, I still enjoy that experience.

...that I get to pitch at some of my games. There is something to the control and constant involvement in the game that I enjoy. It is really fun when I am pitching well. I love the satisfaction of contributing to the win.

...when I meet friends to watch any particular team I support. The more the merrier.

...when the leaves begin to change colors and air cools. This time of year is easily my favorite. It means something when it trumps the time of year when I didn't have to work. But once the shock of returning to school wears and I get into the routine, this time of year is great. Even cloudy cool days are nice. Football is in full swing. Playoff baseball is going on. The basketball and hockey seasons are about to commence. There is a feel in the air that I love. Holidays are right around the corner and the traditions that come with them are a joy. Trick or treating with the girls. Lots of turkey and football on Thanksgiving. The Michigan game. Christmas and all that comes with it. Ahh yeah.

...that I have numerous positive relationships with coworkers. As difficult as my job is day in and day out, enjoying the people I work with make it more tolerable.

...that Shaq is a Cavalier. I am eager to watch a season with LeBron and O'Neal playing together nightly.

...that Braylon Edwards is no longer a Brown.

...that I genuinely enjoy the company of my in-laws and even my brother's in-laws.

...that my nephews are very cool. Being "uncle Beau" is nothing but fun and watching them bond with their cousins is awesome to watch.

...that I have so many good friends. I also love that I have such a diverse set of friends. The diversity has added plenty of spice to my life.

...that I do not have any long standing grudges or estrangements with family members or loved ones.

...that I am paying off my debt....slowly but surely.

...that I have all girls this year. I am enjoying it as much of a roller coaster ride that it is.

...that I have so many fond memories of several periods of my life.

...that I got to be a part of 85. And that every time we are together we all acknowledge it and mark it with pictures. It is a tradition and an experience that I cherish to this day and always will.

...that I got to throw the tire.

...that I know what glasshouse party means to a select group of people. And I got to experience it multiple time.

...that at least Ohio State has won a a championship in my lifetime and it was a football one at that.

...that Cleveland was able to get back our football team and its essence unlike every other city out there.

...that I have been able to go to a Rose Bowl. And it was an epic game.

...that I can turn the channel when I see Ann Coulter is on CNN.

...that I can rake at "Beer Money" on STO.

...when All Bets Are Off is on TV and I can enjoy Bruce rant about things I care about just like the old days on the radio before he was in trouble with the law.

...that I got to witness Bernie Kosar play for the Browns.

...that I was around for the birth of the Dawg Pound and sat in it during its glory days.

...that I was able to attend games in the Grand Old Lady on the Lake before it was demolished for the new Cleveland Browns Stadium.

...that the Browns stadium is named just that and not some sponsor like Progressive Field.

...that I was able to enjoy the Indians in the mid-90s.

...that know what it is to be loyal and die hard no matter what, to something.

Dream Lineup

This past week I was able to make my way to Cincinnati for another Social Distortion show. Social D is my all time favorite band.

This started me thinking, what would be the ultimate concert lineup for me?

Social Distortion would be the headliner with an hour to an hour and a half show. But who would open and lead up to the main act?

I thought I would want a variety. But I would want a variety of bands that work well together to create an energy of excitement leading to Social D. For instance, Pink Floyd is a great band that I would love to see again but their show and vibe wouldn't mix with these others at all.

But these bands would need to be among my favorites. They would also need to be excellent live acts since this is live. Quality in the studio doesn't automatically get you in my lineup.

So I thought I would start with A Tribe Called Quest. They would open the show with a laid back vibe to get you started with a smooth groove. Q-Tip and Phife Dog would lay some lyrics and rhyme down as you begin your first drink and bob your head.

Then, Fun Lovin' Criminals would enter the stage and continue the schmooth flow. They would maintain a nice mellow vibe with a couple of jazzy, bluesy songs but also begin a transition to a rock vibe.

Next, things would begin to intensify a bit and move more into a rock mode as Muse would take stage and contribute their epic art rock vibe. While not exactly a hard sound, they would take the music to a more rock genre and lend some strong, loud sound to the show.

The next contributor would be Weezer. Their plethora of familiar songs to draw from would get the crowd even more into it and continue the bridge from the early bands to the last two juggernauts.

At this point, we are four deep already and I would be eager to see the headliner. Just one more addition is needed. In order to take it to another level in the world of rock and intensity, I would have The Bronx come out and kick some ass. They would blow the roof off of the place and allow Social D to come in with the crowd in a frenzy.

Finally, the headliner would come out guns a blazin' and play a set that never slows. Pure rock 'n Roll. Classic stuff from Mommy's Little Monster, my favorite album from them, and rock on through to their new stuff that I also enjoy. Mike Ness would lend his intro to the songs like he always does. The crowd would heave plastic cups of beer on stage. We would sing along and point in the air to the beat.

It would be an epic night.

Best rock show ever.......for me.

December 27th

My last post was about the inevitable depression that arrives soon after a major event in one's life. Most of the time these major events are very positive ones like weddings, graduations, big sports victories, a new job, completion of big projects or tasks and journeys in life.

But there is one major event that has been very positive for me and doesn't result in a drop off of happiness after it loses its luster. One that I would also relate to Christmas as I did the last post.

This has been the births of my daughters.

I recall my early days of fatherhood. I would frequently use the analogy of the excitement of Christmas morning to describe the feeling of entering fatherhood. But the difference in the two experiences was that my child never lost her luster as the Christmas gifts inevitably did every year.

This wasn't to say being a Dad was always sugarplums and lollipops. My experience in particular has been very difficult and stressful.

But at no moment have I lost the exciting feeling deep in my soul. I still feel and appreciate my "gift" (now gifts with an "s") as much as I did the moment they were brought into the world.

There has been no drop off and I don't anticipate there ever will be.

The next part of that TV show isn't "December 26th." It is the next dramatic, entertaining episode. Everyday life with my children is filled with excitement and happy feelings that you would see as the protagonist figures the moral of the story. It is far from mundane.

So not every happy experience has to have that sad, plunging feeling of returning to the "baseline."

The Day After Christmas

December 26th was the worst day of the year growing up. It was the "morning after" before I had any idea what the morning after meant. It was the the low after the high.

Weeks of intense anticipation for Christmas day and the gifts I would receive and the Dad's Diner breakfast we would eat came to a crashing, sudden halt on this day each year.

The morning of December 26th brought the reality of the ugly, cold weather outside. There were no more green and red sugar cookies. The tree didn't have the same glow. The gifts were already boring and sometimes broken. Christmas songs weren't enjoyable anymore, just annoying. It was still too early to call your friends. The whole vibe was completely lost.

Throughout life I realized this sudden loss of happiness would happen more often than one day a year. Every high had its equal low immediately after.

The morning after my wedding. The rest of the day after my graduations. The morning after numerous parties. The day after vacations.

This came to mind as I spent this evening with my wife. In our crazy, wild life, this meant sitting in front of the TV while the kids were sleeping watching her "stories." Yes, fatigue gets the best of you in this profession of ours.

At the end of her show, the typical resolution came about and the protagonist learned the moral of her story. Yes, it is important to maintain your relationship with your mother.

Hey. I didn't say it was my show. I said it was "her stories." There is no football to be found on Tuesday nights and baseball has been dead to me since the Indians flamed out in, errrrrr, April.

Everything was nicely wrapped up and all loose ends tied when I thought to myself, "What next?"

I'll tell you what next: the low, depressing feeling that comes after the dramatic moments of your life end, but life goes on.

December 26th comes next.

Thank God For Football!

Turn a new page. Tear the old one out. And I'll try to see things your way.
"How We Operate" by Gomez

I try to be a man of my word. And my word has been that I am done being held prisoner to the Huey Karma. No longer will Negative Huey dominate my life.

It is a new day. The day of positive Huey is now.

But the Karma still won't let me go. It refuses to let me live my life in the positive manner I want to live it.

It started in the sports realm of my life an it will end in the sports realm.

This weekend the Karma has beaten me down, bloodied me up and dragged me down the street in a victory parade on the way to a dirty lake where it dumped me and left me there to die.

But I refuse to lose.

I will scratch and claw with every fiber of my being to crawl out of the murky lake and have my day. I will not allow this to keep me down.

USC beat my Buckeyes in heartbreaking fashion. The usual outcome for my beloved teams. There seems to be no other possible outcome these days. I was led to believe there was a chance. I allowed myself to live in the moment and enjoy the lead as we had it in the second half. But, as usual, the offense shut down and couldn't ice the game. I left the stadium heart dragging ten feet behind.

But I maintain my composure and look back on this experience with fondness. The evening was electric. The crowd was intense. The atmosphere was like little I have ever experienced. It ranks at the top of my list with the 1997 Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California. There were numerous moments of joy and elation.

It was that good.

I choose to stick with that memory despite the loss.

The Browns clocked in with the usual poor performance this afternoon to top off a losing weekend.

I choose to quickly forget this and focus on the words of my good friend who shares my pain: "It's so good to have football back."

In the midst of losing and despair, he still knew that football is good. It is back.

Thank God for football!!

Ironic Ignorance

Ignorant:
–adjective
1. lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned: an ignorant man.
2. lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact: ignorant of quantum physics.
3. uninformed; unaware.
4. due to or showing lack of knowledge or training: an ignorant statement.
(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ignorant)

Today a former student of a teacher friend of mine approached him after school as the students were dismissing. I had no idea who she was and had no recognition of her from the past.

As she talked about her former teacher from first grade, they joked about what kind of teachers we were and I was labeled "mean." Honestly, it was a refreshing statement since I worry that I am too often the "nice" teacher. I didn't enter this profession to be their friends. So hearing that I was considered mean meant I haven't strayed too far to the easy going side of my profession.

In addition, "mean" is usually code for "the teacher didn't let me do what I wanted to do." When that means not letting them coast by without working, then hell yeah, I am a mean SOB.

But until these last moments of writing all of this, that aspect of the conversation was lost in the one word she used in describing me during the laughter. This one word stuck with me throughout the rest of the afternoon because it reminded me of how often I hear it used erroneously.

The word? Ignorant.

It has become a pet peeve of mine which I probably mentioned once or twice in this blog already.

The word, "ignorant" gets tossed about so incorrectly and so often that I sometimes I wonder if I am the one mistaken. I looked it up on dictionary.com just to confirm my understanding of its meaning.

I am right. They are wrong.

This child and so many other people use ignorant to mean rude. But even the context she used it in today made such little sense I am not sure she even meant rude. Maybe she thinks it means rude, but rude didn't fit the context of her use of ignorance in this particular case. So she lost me.

Even though she was never in my class. She said knew me from the lunchroom despite the fact I have never had lunch duty. Maybe it is mistaken identity, but that is irrelevant. The point here is that in her mind, I was "ignorant" for being mean to her in the lunchroom.

Maybe she meant I was rude.

But how is that demonstrating some lack of knowledge on my part? This is what ignorant means after all, right? A lack of knowledge.

In the end, it seems rather ironic that people who use the word ignorant in this fashion to describe someone else, are actually the ignorant ones.

As they speak of someone being ignorant, they are displaying that very description themselves.

And this particular girl not only demonstrated the correct meaning of the word without knowing it, she also displayed her incorrect meaning of the word in her rude treatment of someone she doesn't even know.

Seems awfully ignant to me.

The Huey Karma Won't Die

Not long ago I swore off the Huey Karma. It was part of a greater effort to be more positive. I openly acknowledge my tendency to be a pessimist and look at things from a negative point of view even though I have always felt it was more of a realistic point of view.

I want to change that habit. I understand I am wired a certain way and sometimes there is need for pessimism to keep my head on straight, but I believe I can stay true to myself and my "wiring" while leaning in a more positive direction. I believe I can have a more positive outlook and in turn enjoy myself more.

Therefore, the Huey Karma had to go.

But not without its last kicks. It is like kicking an addiction. Relapse may be inevitable. But it is not reason to quit quitting.

Allow me to explain the Huey Karma to those of you who are new to the concept. It is not exactly like the conventional karma we are used to hearing about within Buddhism or other Eastern belief systems. No, the Huey Karma is more like Murphy's Law. What can go wrong, will go wrong.

The Huey Karma would state: If you don't expect it to go wrong, it will go wrong.

One rule of combating the Huey Karma is to never take anything good for granted no matter how inevitable it may seem. Expect the bad and it won't happen. But assume you have something before you have it and you will lose it. The Karma preys on your unsuspecting moments.

If you ever think you have something prematurely, the Karma will strike and take it from you.

It began with sports and then generalized to my life overall. I quickly noticed in my little league games that when I assumed we would win, we would lose. As I watched countless heartbreaks at the hands of John Elway, Micheal Jordan, Art Modell, the Florida Marlins, Michigan Wolverines and even the Michigan State Spartans, my fears were reinforced.

The greatest example would be the opening game of the Browns season not long after they returned. The clock said 0:00 and the Browns had more points. They lost that game. Dwayne Rudd was called for a penalty that I never saw called before or since that game. He took off his helmet.

Huey Karma.

The examples are endless. Those of you who know me have heard them all.

My driver's license. Countless girls I tried to date. College Graduation. Endless lists of more minor shortcomings.

I have a good friend, Chad who understands the Karma and warned me against swearing it off. He knew the ramifications I would be facing. If there was a school of Huey Karma, Chad would have his Master's Degree. He would be close to finishing his doctorate as we speak.

We both attended the Ohio State versus Navy game this past Saturday. We both had high expectations for the game. That was our first mistake.

As the days before the game drew near, we set up our plans to meet before the game and head to campus to enjoy the pre game atmosphere. Then we would proceed to the game to watch a good game against a good opponent that would end in relatively easy win.

Then the Karma arrived.

First, I realized I couldn't make it to the game early. I had more important duties as Daddy. So that was out.

Secondly, my brother was in town for a reunion the night before. I was excited to visit with him and my sister-in-law. But that fell through as it made no sense for them to show up late at night and deal with the cats of whom my brother is allergic just for 5 minutes of bed prep and and a goodbye in the morning.

We did manage to see them and two mutual friends before the game for a couple of minutes but nothing near the kind of valuable, meaningful visit we had hoped for in our plans. (Plus, it hurts my argument here)

Through it all, I maintained my positive attitude and enjoyed what I did get to enjoy. The few minutes were better than nothing. The walk through campus was nice. The conversation with Chad was pleasant.

But the Karma doesn't go that easy.

We finally made out way tot he stadium and began the trek that was the climb to our seats.

When we came to rest at our seats, it was the second to last row. The steep climb almost made my nose bleed if not my ears. The seats themselves were directly next to the wall of the press box and a pole was right in front of us.

Take a look at the seats we had after we moved to better seats. BETTER SEATS:


Then, an easy win turned into an ugly escape as the Buckeyes blew a 15 point 4th quarter lead right on cue. If it weren't for a questionable two point conversion play call that led to a pick two for my Bucks, I could have been singing a different tune that this last paragraph will.

I was never scared.

Really.

I predicted a 26-23 Buckeye victory. It was a 31-27 Buckeye victory. A four point win instead of a three point win.

So the Karma keeps kicking. I anticipate more stories to tell. It won't go without a fight.

But I promise I am determined. I can be as stubborn as this dreaded Karma.

In the words of my dear departed grandmother, B: "If it's gotta be you or me....dammit, it's gonna be me!"

We Are Doomed!

I just read the speech that President Obama will deliver to the schools tomorrow. I read the direct speech with no commentary from either side of the political spectrum so I could decipher its harm myself.

You can check it out for yourself right here.

In a nutshell, the President used a number of personal examples as well as examples from common citizens to illustrate his point that students are the ones that truly make the difference in their own achievement.

It is about time that we put the emphasis where it belongs.

I do not mean to take the accountability off teachers or parents but the students themselves are the ones taking these tests and doing the work or making the choices necessary to succeed. No matter how much parents and teachers and administrators do to provide a relevant and appropriate education for our children, it is the children that will determine whether this work is successful. Nobody can climb in their brains and control whether or not they listen, do their work and pay attention or focus.

His speech is on point. It is relevant. It is inspiring. It is meaningful.

It provides a lesson plan that directly mirrors a lesson I did myself last week. It is a regular opening writing assigment I do where I discuss the importance of goal setting and allow the students to discuss and reflect on their own goals both long term and short term. I am proud of the lesson and usually go back to it throughout the year.

Of course, students see speeches like this all the time. I recall our superintendent doing something very similar not too many years ago. Teachers like myself do it regularly.

But kids still don't listen. They still drop out.

So in the end, the reality is that it really may not make much of a difference.

Politically, I am ashamed and appalled at my fellow countrymen and women for turning this into a circus.

If we have reached a point where we are so divided that an inspirational speech like this gets blown out of proportion like it has and turned into another reason to attack our President on his policy, we are truly in trouble.

We are now to a point where we are sabotaging ourselves. We are cutting off our nose to spite our face.

There is no way things can change for the better when this happens.

A further downward spiral is inevitable.

Thank you very much America. You should be embarrassed with yourself.

The Bad In Life Is Good

I sat in a rush hour traffic jam this evening thinking about a number of different things including how odd it is for me to say, "Think of how far I've come?" I was thinking of my personal well being and happiness.

I felt it is odd because the answer varies based on how long of a span within your life you look.

For example: If I compare my life now to 2003 and 2004, my life has come a tremendously long way back from some very dark times to some very happy times. But if I compare my life now to my years in college and soon thereafter, it is about the same. I was pretty happy and content with my life back then too. So I haven't come a long way at all.

Like Obi Won Kanobi said in Jedi, "It's all a matter of how you look at it." That's the quote as I remember it anyway.

Then I thought how I can easily identify the worst time of my life. The worst moment. The worst experience. The worst year. But I can't pinpoint my single best moment, experience or year.

What was better? My wedding? The birth of my daughters? The 1997 Rose Bowl with my Dad? Graduations? First kiss or any other firsts?

I'm extremely fortunate to have a number of experiences that can be thrown in a steel cage match of sorts to battle it out for the top spot.

This led me to comparing my nightmare of 2003-2004 with the dreadful years in middle school. Those middle school "issues" I dealt with seem so petty and overblown in comparison to the heavy stuff I dealt with later. Yet I handled myself so much better through the stress of 03-04. Obviously, being an adult with more perspective helped.

If I looked back on my life in the midst of my family falling apart before my eyes in health and status to my years of near depression in 8th grade, would I have felt I came a long way?

Today's vantage point would lead me to believe that yes, I have come a long way. In fact, it was those two periods of my life that have truly defined who I am. I needed my daughter's health issue to wake me up and force me to grow up and demonstrate better responsibility as a father. This is not to say I was a bad father at that time. It is to say that this experience has brought out the best in me.

The end of my marriage needed to happen for my well being and happiness and I sincerely believe it has led to a better life for my ex and our daughter. Forcing that marriage to continue would have led to a life of indifference and resentment. We have all moved on and have grown to a point that is much more healthy today. There is still more work to be done, but if there wasn't then what will I look to in the future to measure how far I have come from now?

More validation came in the summer of 2008. I dealt with two losses in my life. My grandmother passed and my unborn daughter to be passed away. These experiences happened so close together in May and June that much of the emotion blurs together. But as I left that summer, I had this calm, soothing feeling in my soul. The grieving I did that summer took me to place I needed to be. It was a place I wouldn't have been had I not learned and grown from the other hardships.

One could conceivably say that those worst periods of my life have been the best. The strength they required and the maturity I showed have provided proof that I am a better person than I often think. I used to worry I would fold in tough times. But I can now say I know I won't. I know I didn't in the past.

Tough times don't last. Tough people do.

I'll never think or act like I'd win a fist fight. But I can handle the mental battles that life brings. I can outlast hardship. And I can do what it takes to regain my well-being and happiness.

I can because I did.

Finally, I realize my difficulty pales in comparison to many troubles others have. By no means do I attempt to compare myself to them or compete with them for who has had tougher times. I doubt I could handle many of the things others have dealt with throughout history or around the world as we speak. If anything, my experiences have taught me just how much respect and admiration I have for people dealing with much tougher stresses than I have dealt with in my life.

Traffic, Tressel and Recess

I thought I would post abbreviated versions of these three thoughts on facebook, but figured it would be too long and too much all at once:

Traffic Updates: Why is it every time I am stuck in traffic, listening to the radio, the traffic guy or woman comes on and doesn't mention the jam I am in? Then, when I DO hear about a traffic tie up as I drive through said intersection, I see nothing and there is absolutely no slowdown? Does this happen to others? Is it just me? It happens routinely.

Jim Tressel's Rivalry Behavior: The coach of our dreaded rival up north is experiencing multiple and major stresses up there right now. First, his Wolverines have been losing to substandard opponents (see Appalachian State, a Division I-AA school and Toledo, a MAC school). Secondly, he had to deal with a questionable departure from the University of West Virginia shredding important documents and a contract dispute that led him to be forced to pay back over 3 million dollars. Now he is linked to a bad real estate deal back in Virginia from the time he was an assistant at Clemson.

On top of this, current players are unanimously claiming that Rich Rodriquez is breaking NCAA rules regarding the amount of time he and his staff are requiring the players to practice. In my, and many others, opinion, this is a sign of locker room division and problems in the home so to speak. are players ready to revolt? Many have transferred, even to rival Ohio State.

When approached about these problems, Jim Tressel, coach of the Buckeyes, consistently takes the high road. Despite the bitter rivalry, he has gone so far as to defend Rich Rod by stating that players at this level need to practice more than the allotted time. Of course, he danced clear of any violation stating that this time is completely voluntary and not mandated by him or his coaching staff.

I love this about coach Tressel. Leave the low class, insults to the fans. That is our job. That is our game. We are the ones to talk the smack and trash to the rival fans. Our coach and players need to rise above that and demonstrate respect towards the rival. Just keep beating them down on the field and providing ammunition and statistics for us to cite as we debate our superiority over the other.

If you really think about it, we want that school up north to be violation free and successful. What makes the rivalry engaging and relevant is the prestige of the two schools and the meaning of the games. One reason they play last every year is to help emphasize its importance as they enter bowl season. Many times, championships are on the line for one or both of the programs.

When one school is performing as badly as Michigan or is on probation, it takes a substantial amount of air out of the bubble. The rivalry means much less. Tress knows this. He understands how critical it is that our "enemy" is a force to be reckoned with. He grasps how their success is for our own good. So he continually transcends the "hatred" passed back and forth among the legions of fans.

Obviously, many feel fans too should exert some effort towards showing class and respect. As I grow older I feel more inclined to do so as well. But it doesn't change my view that if trash shall be spoken, it shall be spoken by us.

Recess Football: Don't get me wrong. I love my girls this year. They are a cool group. But.....

The days I have recess duty, it is definitely a pleasure to get out and play some football with the boys. It gives me a chance to get to know the other kids in our grade level which helps me handle hallway behavior. For instance, calling to a child, "Hey! You! Stop that!" is much less effective than saying, "Marquise, come here. Don't do that man. You don't expect me to pass you the rock when you act like this, do you?"

Also, I need some manly activities during my day.

Welcome To Browns Nation Mads

I dressed my youngest in her Cleveland Browns onezie today since it is game day. This is a tradition she will become a part of as a member of my bloodline and lineage. While my oldest remains in a "tug-o-war" between me and her Bungle loyalist on her mother's side, my youngest will be pure.

They both will end up Steeler fans when they hit adolescence and feel the need to rebel against me realizing what will hit home the hardest. But that is another blog post for another day.

Today I get to enjoy the fresh indoctrination of the baby into Brownshood. It is not a joy. There is nothing pleasurable about it really. It is a burden and a job that requires much stamina, patience and intestinal fortitude.

Some call it tough love.

But she will not need to prove her loyalty to anybody. No one will question it when they realize she is a life member of the Cleveland Sports Fan club.

My child, there will be much heartache in your future. You will learn to enter every new season with much anticipation and excitement only to have it stolen from you within minutes of its genesis. Maybe it will be three penalties on the kickoff. Maybe it will be an ugly turnover on the first play from scrimmage after said kickoff. Maybe it will be injuries to several critical starters before the season begins. Maybe it will be a loss despite leading the game when the clock struck 0:00.

Sometimes you will experience moments of seemingly pleasurable excitement only to quickly vanish like a chair pulled from underneath you while you hit the ground to the laughter of everyone.

You will always be ridiculed and out casted by fans of other teams for everything and anything. When the trend is to put down fans for being too obnoxious or over-the-top, you and your fellow fans will be top of the list even though our behavior is no different than most other legions.

When the trend is to make fun of fans that follow teams that lose, once again, you, I and our fellow fans will be at the top of the list despite teams like the Bengals, Lions and Rams that are just as bad or worse.

When it becomes trendy to be loud and crazy for your team, you will be no where near the top of the list.

When it becomes trendy to list all of the dynasties that have existed, your Browns' dynasty in the 50s will be conveniently "irrelevant" and outdated while the Packers in the first two Super Bowls soon after will still be legit.

And when the one thing you and I can stake claim to, heartbreak, is the trend.....again, we will be somewhere on the bottom of the list behind the "lovable losers," Chicago Cubs and the Seattles and Arizonas of the world.

You won't be able to win for losing.

Your sister, cousins, uncle and I are used to it.

Come. Join us in our misery.

(or at least mine)

2009 Ohio State Buckeye Football Preview

I don't have a clue.

I guess many of the players I feel were overrated are gone. This new crop is highly touted but so was that former group.

I have nothing for you.

Should be a fun year with no expectations.

Political Thinking

"It is generally known that people tend to believe what they want to believe- even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary." ("What You Don't Know" LaBossiere, p. 18)

You don't agree?

Take an objective listen to just about any political conversation around you. It is dreadfully redundant. The liberals take their point of view disregarding anything to the right and the conservatives take their point of view disregarding anything to the left.

The current health care reform discussion, for lack of a better, more condescending term, is a specific example. The pro reformers will ignore the significance of the economic factors, while the anti-reformers will overlook the need to ethically change the current system.

"People even go so far as to downplay and ignore evidence against what they believe while modifying and even fabricating evidence to support their own view." (LaBossiere, p.18-19)

Take a listen to AM conservative talk radio and you'll see this point in less than ten minutes. The "birther" issue comes to mind.

I will not sit here and act like I am any different. I have been a culprit of this practice countless times. I won't act like I am above this or better than this. But there is a reason why I and even you are this way.

Researchers at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia made a discovery regarding the physiology behind this process which they revealed in 2006.

During the 2004 Presidential election between Democrat, John Kerry and Republican and incumbent, George W. Bush, they gathered 15 die hard Republicans and 15 die hard Democrats. They used a functional magnetic resonance imaging device to scan the brains of their voters while they were asked to assess statements made by both candidates. The statements provided were ones in which both candidates contradicted themselves. Each group was forgiving of their candidate of choice while being critical of their own. ("What Don't You Know?" LaBossiere, p. 19)

No surprise there, right?

They were using the same reasoning we expected from them, didn't they?

Well, the interesting part lies in the results of the brain scan. The results showed that the part of the brain associated with reasoning was inactive as they made their claims about the contradictions.

Instead, the part of the brain that was most active during their assessments of the candidates contradictions was the parts associated with emotional processing, conflict resolution and moral judgements.

In addition, "when a subject rendered the judgement they found emotionally comfortable (their candidate did not contradict themselves), the part of the brain associated with pleasure became active. ("What Don't You Know?" LaBossiere, p. 19)

In other words, nobody in the test examined the claims rationally. They instead "went through a mental process that rewarded them for believing the conclusion they wanted to believe." ("What Don't You Know?" LaBossiere, p. 19)

This practice breaks one of the basic elements of critical thinking. In order to think critically, you need to be objective, not subjective. Your emotions cannot play a role in your thinking. Claims need to be assessed on their own merit and not on the basis of one's feelings towards them or the source they come from.

Micheal LaBoissere goes on in his book, "What Don't You Know?" with more examples of this mental breakdown. Objectivity is critical in philosophy but it is also crucial in other aspects of life too. Objectivity is a requirement in fairness.

And right about now, many of you who don't like what this study shows are looking for holes to poke through it, reasons to deny it and refuse to accept while others who like these findings are ready to shout it from the rooftops.

Also, you are all probably thinking, "I knew it! Those damned (fill in the opposite side of the political spectrum from you) are a bunch of hypocrites." And you are right.

But stop for a second and realize they are saying that about you....and they are right too!



(Quotes taken from: "What Don't You Know" by Micheal LaBoissere. Continuum International Publishing Group, 2008)

Letter To Those Against Healthcare Reform

This was written to a healthcare opponent in an effort to explain the argument for reform. I found it to be moving and well written. Since I know both parties involved, I thought I should share it with those who read my blog.

These are not necessarily the views held by me, but......well, screw it! This is pretty much in line with my thinking. I do have several questions regarding details of the proposed plans but I refuse to let these healthcare companies and the Republican politicians who they have in their pockets scare me away with their propaganda.

Here is the piece:

How do we protect and respect the right to life if we let the sickest and most vulnerable (the poor) among us die or receive lesser care or put them (and middle class people as well) into more debt or into the emergency room in the middle of the night for non-emergency care?

Those of us who were privileged enough to grow up with food, shelter, safety and health care (long before we could "earn" it ourselves) should hesitate before we make sweeping statements about the constitutional rights - let alone the human rights - of others. Such rights should never be denied to those in need by those in a place of comfort. (Those of us who claim to follow Jesus should be ESPECIALLY hesitant to do so.)

Human rights aren't spelled out in the constitution, but our understanding of them has grown since a bunch of white propertied men decided that a slave wasn't a person (okay, maybe 3/5 of a person) and women did not have a right to vote.

The people who want to reform health care truly want to make sure it's accessible to all (who are you going to turn down?). Many have family members who can't get the tests they need because they have a serious pre-existing condition that makes them uninsurable. Think of that.

I guess I have a right to those tests and they don't? I don't think so.

Do old people have a right to be supported? it's not in the constitution, but we have Social Security, thank goodness - a government-run program about which ignorant Americans are saying, "Keep the government's hands off my Social Security!" (read Medicare, etc.)

If the government is so bad at doing things, let's get it out of the business of declaring war and supporting an obscene bloated arms industry. Where's the human rights in that? (and what would Jesus say?)

I bring up Jesus even though I believe in the separation of church and state, because so many people who are yelling against health care reform (which is indeed degenerating into health insurance reform) - and they are indeed yelling, in an ugly and cold-hearted way - claim to be Christians. My, my.

I know you're in a field where you want to help people have better mental health. I hope you are moved to such depths of compassion that you will seek the good of all of God's children, not just the ones who can afford the services available in our supposedly advanced country, but ALL of God's children.

And I hope you will want to share out of the great abundance in which you have always lived so that others will have what they need.

I hope the resources will be allocated so that those who need your services will be able to get them, and that you won't have to work for nothing. That wouldn't be fair.

I was very conservative at your age and have moved to the left as I've witnessed the kind of suffering I was shielded against as I grew up.

What's that thing that someone said - when you're young, if you're liberal, you need to grow your mind, but if you're conservative, you need to grow your heart. I wish conservatives - both young and old -had as much sympathy and compassion for sick children, adults, elderly, etc., as they do for zygotes.

By the way, as much as I am in awe of conception and birth, I'm appalled at the way right-wingers go immediately to the abortion question (demonizing everyone who doesn't agree with them, just as the opposite side demonizes them) in every conversation.

Finally, I wish all conservatives would have spent the first year of Obama's valiant effort to salvage our economy, our morals, our stature in the world, and our integrity (not to mention our safety) by cooperating with these efforts.

Conservatives LOVE to talk about patriotism, for example, in a sentimental or militaristic way. How about getting down to basics, and considering taxes an exercise in responsible citizenship? Greed has grasped the Republicans, and they (my former party) stir up irrational opposition to things like health care reform - because they're in the pockets of the insurance industry, which is spending a million dollars a day to disrupt our national discourse.

Should we trust the party that took us into an immoral, unnecessary, poorly executed (to the point of criminality), and expensive war? I don't think so. I wish we could have a bipartisan, cooperative effort here. But I don't think the party of Gingrich/Palin (shame on them) will let that happen.

Just a few thoughts from one who is sick and tired of this debate.

For the record, I am not keen on diminishing our arms. I would like to have them just in case (hands and fingers too for that matter). Even though we are the only country to actually drop a nuclear bomb...

Fake QB Controversey

When can we just name Brady Quinn the starting QB and be done with this foolishness?

I have no idea what Quinn has done wrong in his life to deserve this unwarranted disrespect. He got his butt beat down at Notre Dame and still managed to lead them to decent performances. Although I would question the validity of their appearances in BCS Bowl games, he managed to get them there unlike the QBs after him. He was stuck behind a mediocre at best offensive line and sorry defense.

But you never heard him complain.

He showed up at New York for the Heisman Trophy ceremony as the "over hyped, undeserving" candidate that everyone who wasn't Catholic (unless they were a Buckeye fan too) rooted against and not only lost to Troy Smith but came in third.

But he didn't complain.

He showed up to the NFL Draft with much pomp and circumstance only to be the 2007version of Aaron Rodgers. He even left the view of cameras to avoid the embarrassment of dropping so far in the draft.

When he was finally picked, he never complained.

Then, as the 2007 season unfolded Derek Anderson took the stage as the Cleveland Browns starting quarterback and dazzled fans leading them to a 10-5 record under his helm despite numerous weaknesses that were covered by amazing catches by Braylon Edwards and defenses still trying to adjust to his scouting report.

But from the bench, Brady Quinn still didn't complain.

Anderson showed some glaring issues through the second half of 2007 and all of 2008 until he was injured. He could throw the deep ball and had plenty of strength for the out patterns but his touch was nonexistent underneath.

With minimal opportunities to contribute and demonstrate his skill, Quinn couldn't establish himself.

But, still, he never complained.

He has said all the right things. He has worked his butt off. When he has had chances, he has shown he can perform. In his first start against Denver in 2008, he went 23-35 for 239 yards and 2 TDs. He threw 0 interceptions. He then led the Browns to a victory over Buffalo the next week before getting hurt in Week 12 against Houston.

A new coaching regime has entered Cleveland, and still, Brady Quinn finds himself in a position in which he has to prove himself. It is like Groundhog Day for this guy.

So we watch him throw accurate pass after accurate pass. He demonstrates composure in the pocket. He leads the team in numerous drives. He takes control of the offense. He watches Derek Anderson throw bad pass after bad pass in scrimmages and preseason games. There is no improvement or learning curve in Derek Anderson's game whatsoever.

Yet, he still can't hear his coach just say, "You are the QB. Go get 'em."

But he doesn't complain.

So what is it going to take, Coach Mangini? How long are you going to play this Bill Belichick game of hide and seek with him and us fans? We've seen it before with Romeo Crennel and let me say, it didn't work. You aren't fooling anyone but yourself and your team.

I'm getting tired of this run around. I am tired of watching Anderson stink and still hear there is some sort of "battle" for the the number one spot. Just name the starting QB and move on.

It is Brady Quinn. Quit dragging this guy around like this. Even if he crashes and burns, he won't be any worse than DA.

If we are going to lose, at least lose with the guy we drafted for this position so I, and many other fans in his camp can shut up and turn the page, ready to start all over......again.

Quick Thinking

I have mentioned this before but I thought I would quickly repeat it before I go to bed tonight.

When I think of smart people I know, I realize there is something they have in common. This thing is the admission of their ignorance. They realize how little they know despite the obvious fact that they are really intelligent.

So one could hypothesize that intelligence is the realization of one's ignorance. Or that being smart demonstrates to one's self how "unsmart" they are.

When you realize how little you really know, you finally begin to become truthfully smart or intelligent. People who think they know everything or close to everything, really are the dumb, ignorant ones.

These are thoughts in my head and I am curious what others think about it.

This Is Why I'm Awesome

I began last school year with a challenging group of students. The testing I administered in the beginning of the year showed that 0 students were reading at or above proficiency. Zero as in none. Nobody.

Our grade level ended the previous school year with 46% of the students reading at or above proficiency. That number is abysmal but it looks awfully large when compared to 0.

The government, through No Child Left Behind, has set particular standards for schools and their districts to meet in order to be deemed successful. As I have written a number of times in this blog, my school is one of the low performing schools. We need to make significant increases every year or risk a number of changes.

It is a long, complicated set of standards and criteria that I am not looking to detail right now. But it is important to understand the general idea that I have certain numbers I need to reach each year to contribute to this gain as a grade level, school and district.

0 students reading proficiently is a low, discouraging starting point. I walked out of numerous grade level meetings dragging my heart and soul behind me on the ground. Each meeting I stared at a score sheet drowning in red ink. My roster had circled names, question marks and arrows pointing in the wrong direction littered through the list. My colleagues were there looking at it too.

"Mr. Huey, what are you going to do to fix this?" I would hear on the verge of panic. Then I had to look to my colleagues for help. It was humiliating to sit there and depend on the services and assistance of others to do my job.

"What is my plan?"

"What research based strategies do I plan to implement in order to improve my scores?"

"What's my relevance and rigor?"

"Problem of practice."

"Differentiated learning"

"Small group...blah blah blah BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Meanwhile, the kids looked as though they could have cared less. I was busy putting out fire after fire hoping some of them were paying enough attention to get something out of the lessons.

Today I met with the staff to prepare for the upcoming school year. We received raw test results from the Ohio Achievement Test. My colleague put his spreadsheet fetish to work and graphed the scores of each of our classes from the past school year.

My grade level improved our percentage of students who passed the Reading OAT from 46% in 2008 to 59% in 2009. When you look at the same classes scores from 3rd grade, we improved that group's percentage of passers from 42% in 2008 to 59% in 2009.

What about my class with the ZERO proficient readers?

More than 55% of my class ended the year reading proficiently or above. I caught up with the other classes. My class had the most students improve more than a whole grade level in our reading program. This means one could say they grew academically more than a years worth in a school year.

How did I do this you might ask? I put on my hard hat, grabbed my lunch pail and went to work.

Believe it or not, it was not with any more assistance than we normally give each other. After we left the meetings, the three of us would meet together and discuss what we were planning and how things were working and agreed to keep doing what we were doing.

The three of us have worked together in the same grade level for 8 years now. We all know how we tick. We know our strengths and weaknesses, comfort zones and anxious areas. We have consistently shown increases in test scores. When I arrived less than 20% of our students were passing the reading standardized tests at that time. We are the only grade level that can say that.

So when it came down to it, it was me in that classroom with those students making it happen.

I tore up the plan so to speak and I pulled out what mattered most and did it my way. I picked out all the components that actually involved the students reading texts. The more varied the texts, the better. We didn't just do fiction everyday.

Their fluency was horrible. So we worked on fluency directly.

Their comprehension was awful. So I pounded them over the head with extended response questions which required them to write out answers. Everyday they had to answer these questions until they were blue in the face. They had to think the right way and then write the right way.

So I also modeled everything everyday. I modeled how to think when they read. I showed them how to do it over and over again. I read out loud to them so they had an example to follow and we discussed the book the way I think about books when I read. Then I showed them how I applied this thinking to the questions. Then they did it the same way.

I did much more, but these were the big things.

Bottom line...I kicked some ass last year. I'm much better at this than most people or tests scores may think.

Death Of The Game

So with the school year fast approaching and little action on my sports blog, I have officially ended it tonight. I will continue to write about sports topics since that is an area of interest for me on this blog. I will continue to export these posts to bleacherreport.com since I have a much larger audience through that site.

In the end, it is much easier for me to just simplify things and stay focused. If I have a sports related topic on my mind, I can still share it with everybody here and with interested sports fan over there.

Thank you.

R.I.P. Game Within The Game 2009-2009

Thoughts On A News Special About OCD

Tonight I watched a special on children with obsessive compulsive disorder. These poor children were battling paralyzing anxiety that lead to the disorder. One girl could not live at home and refused to allow her parents to touch her. Another teenage female couldn't attend school out of fear of her fellow students and how "dirty" they were.

A third young boy reminded me of my own daughter. He repeatedly asked his mother questions about how the day would be much like my daughter. She is obsesses with what we will eat each meal or where we are to go or what we are to do that day. This young man was desperately seeking comfort and security that he would be ok. It resembled my daughter's constant need to know what is going to happen or what we are going to eat. She seems to be seeking some sort of security or comfort. But even if you answer their questions, both my daughter and this boy would ask again.....and again and again. It doesn't seem to matter if it is an answer they like or not. They will need to hear it again later.

Many times we will return the question to my daughter testing if it is a memory issue, but she correctly recalls the answer. She inevitably asks again within 10 minutes. It can be very frustrating and wearing on our patience. I was able to relate the the parents of the boy featured on this show. They were brought to tears during the interview. Fortunately, I haven't been brought to that point with this particular issue, but I know it is not easy.

This brings me to two other thoughts as I reflect on this show. First, my own anxiety is only getting worse. My nightly ritual of checking the perimeter of the house is getting more elaborate. Not only do I need to check the locks, but I check every window and both my daughter's chests to make sure they are breathing. Many times I even poke my wife to make sure her heart is still beating. Parenthood has greatly increased my anxiety and worry.

Secondly, I think about my students and how I should handle things when they behave in these erratic ways. After watching this special I know I need to show much more compassion. I try to be strict and maintain high expectations and usually chalk up weird behavior as attention getting behavior more than a serious disorder. But what if the eccentric behavior is a sign of budding OCD?

I have been lucky to be surrounded by knowledgeable support staff throughout most of my career to ask these questions when I have run into it in the past, but if levies keep failing, I won't for long.

Listening To My Brain Melt In My Head

I had some time on my hands this afternoon and decided to stray from the routine of ESPN's daytime programming. My surfing took me to Maury and his daily paternity testing talk show. The wife and I wondered aloud what Connie Chung must be thinking when he arrives home each night after another day of this as his job. We also questioned where she has been since her days on the national news.

But I wasn't done there. After dropping my oldest off with her maternal grandmother, I returned home to feed the youngest and watch some more captivating programming. This time I was caught in the midst of three straight court shows. I don't recall their names but you know what I am talking about. The newest versions of People's Court ( a personal favorite of my business law teacher in high school, Mr. Ron Rose) and Judge Judy.

The running theme of the day seemed to be men finding out if they were Fathers or not.

Sigh.

Each time the man owned up to his fatherhood and said he would "be there" for the child.

Oh yay!

I gathered that I was supposed to feel a sense of closure with the happy ending that the man would fulfill his duty as the dad and provide for the child. What a great guy. That is very commendable. Good for him. He is a true man.

Putting aside the fact that there are plenty of absentee fathers out there and this IS better than that alternative (assuming these men follow through on what they said in front of the cameras....they will soon find out saying you will be there is not the same as actually being there), I do not walk away from the at show feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

I'm pissed!

What have things come to that just "being there" is something worthy of accolades, cheers and the title of "Good Father?" Have we set the bar for fathers that low?

Fathers owe their children much more than just diapers and clothes and shelter. Just being there is a requisite. It is a must. We should expect it as a baseline. This doesn't make you a good father, it makes you a father period.

Let's relate it to sports. Showing up for the game doesn't make you a good player. It makes you a player. That's it. You may be better than others in the general population because you are there and on the team, but you are not necessarily a good player.

Trust me. I know. I show up to my softball games and I am not a good softball player. I can speak from experience.

To be a good player, you need to go above and beyond being there and take your game to the next level. You need to make minimal mistakes or fix the mistakes that are made. You make plays others cannot and do things others are not capable of doing.

So good fathers are ones that take fatherhood to the next level. We do things other men can't do. We make minimal mistakes and manage the mistakes we do make.

We use this analogy at my school (and I am sure others): our students need to be citizens not tourists. They need to be invested and committed to the classroom.

Likewise, fathers need to be citizens of our children's lives, not visiting tourists. We need to not just "be there" but be "part of there." Beyond buying stuff and showing up for big events, we need to be there for little things and provide a daily role model in the routine stuff as well as the big stuff or the financial stuff.

I don't measure my job as a dad based on the money I provide, the amount of time I spend with them or the amount of material goods I provide for my daughters. I measure it by that and the way I spend the time and the support I lend their mothers and the way I model my values for them. The love, compassion, emotion, discipline and routine we instill are critical elements of fatherhood that separate good fathers from fathers.

I'm not trying to blast all dads out there. I fully realize there are particular scenarios that make many of these elements difficult or impossible for fathers who sincerely mean to fulfill them. That doesn't make them bad fathers.

My point here is that we should set our bar for "Good Father" a bit higher than just showing up. We don't go out of our way to call mothers who just show up "Good Mothers." We take them for granted. We expect them to be there.

We should expect that as basic from our dads too.

Poser Christians and Radical Christians

I apologize ahead of time if I offend anyone with this post.

I cannot sit here and act like I am some sort of knowledgeable expert with Christianity. But I have been raised Christian and still consider myself Christian by default as I openly explore my personal spirituality. With 9 years of Catholic school and over 18 years of regularly attending church (often more than once a week), I feel like I have a legitimate amount experience to justify my opinion.

Many times I have openly questioned the Bible and Christianity. In my mind, I have felt like this has been part of my self-examination and personal exploration more than an attack on Christianity itself.

Where most of my frustration stems from is not so much the belief system, but many of the people that take part. There are two groups that annoy me the most. I call them Posers and Radical Bible Thumpers.

The Posers are like those fans that claim to be "die hard" or "true" when the team is winning and everybody loves them but are no where to be found when this team they claim to be fans of is losing or unpopular. They love to deck themselves out in the team's gear when everybody else is and they sport the jerseys of the most popular player like Grady Sizemore or LeBron James, but when the team stinks, all you hear is little dig after dig about how the team stinks, even if the team is just mediocre.

Some call them fair weather fans or bandwagon fans. I just call them annoying.

When this behavior is connected to the Church, I get just as annoyed. The Poser Christians love to loudly exclaim what they want to believe and throw the Bible out as their justification. They wear their Christianity on their sleeve and quickly slam people who critique it. Anyone who isn't Christian is wrong in their mind. They feel like everyone who questions the Church is hating the church.

But as they look down upon the rest of us, they never read the Bible themselves. They do not attend church. They definitely do not examine their beliefs and reflect on why they believe what they believe, which sometimes means challenging the traditional beliefs. They blindly follow what others tell them. Many times they refer to the Old Testament to support their outdated views while ignoring New Testament writings from Jesus (an important component of Christianity) that contradict the Old Testament.

The Radical Bible Thumpers do attend church regularly. They do read scriptures. They are devoted to their Christianity. So devoted that they go to the extreme. They may examine their beliefs but not in a critical manner. They take what they read and hear literally and are often, in my mind, misled. They are very rigid in their beliefs and refuse to see any other point of view or perspective, especially ones that counter what they want to believe. Like the posers they throw the Bible out as their shield.

Like radical Muslims, they are harmful. Their harm is more like the mental, emotional harm of a cult than the physical, violent harm of the stereotypical terrorism we are used to seeing and hearing about on television regarding the radical Muslims.

If you haven't read between the lines, I put a good bit of value on self-examination and reflection. I believe most Christians incorporate this practice in their worship. Prayer involves reflection and self-examination. It is an important component of Christianity. But many times prayer and reflection seem to be separated. These two groups lose sight of the importance of this intimate practice that truly connects you with God.

I do not believe practicing your religion is about following some rigid dogma as much as your relationship with your higher power. Questioning what your are told is part of this relationship. I believe it is an important and critical part of practicing your religion. By questioning and critiquing what is passed to you, you become part of this belief and you develop your own point of view. One that brings you closer to your higher power.

Whatever God you choose to believe in is much greater than anything we can fathom in our human experience. I highly doubt God concerns itself with whether you are following the rules set forth by the Pope or other religious leaders. It is more meaningful and practical for us to transcend this and use the different religions out there to seek the greater good.

Peter Rollins touches on this point of a God greater than our understanding in his book about the emerging Christianity entitled, "How (Not) To Speak of God:"

"If we fail to recognize that the term 'God' always falls short of that towards which the word is suppoed to point, we will end up bowing down before our own conceptual creations forged from the raw materials of our self-image, rather than bowing before the one who stands over and above that creation...'God rid me of God,' a prayer that acknowledges how the God we are in relationship with is bigger, better and different than our understanding of that God." (Rollins, "How (Not) to Speak of God" pg.19)

Fortunately, most Christians I know do this. It's the other two groups that Ia m skeptical about.