Year One: Rebirth

An over dramatic title it may be, but the truth still exists.

My first year at my new school is coming to a close. It was time for a change in my career as I found myself burning out and losing my passion and enjoyment in teaching. Education is a profession that runs on teachers' passion in my opinion. It cannot be successful if we are coming in with our heads down and little motivation.

Since the pay is not comparable to many other professions that most, if not all, of us are capable of handling, our paychecks are not our motivation and reason we entered this profession. The vacation time and its freedom it grants us to be with our families is a motivator but many times this time is consumed with classes or second jobs nullifying that luxury as well.

But one thing we have that many other professions do not is a job that keeps us out, away from our desk, a job that is never the same from day to day, a job that is challenging both mentally and emotionally and a job that provides plenty of opportunities to laugh and have fun.

I was losing sight of this as my job wasn't providing moments of laughter or fun and wasn't challenging anything but my patience and ability to control my frustration and anger. I was surrounded by these kids who deserved more than what they were receiving around them because the loud minority was ruining everything and I was powerless to stop it.

Or I was incapable of stopping it.

I spent over a decade trying to reach people who wanted nothing to do with me. I gave my heart and time and energy to my job and felt like I was worse off for it.

Of course, that can be debated. There is a certain amount of strength one gains through trials and tribulations. Hard work and well intended effort can't solely lead to a bad result.

There were countless positive experiences and people I can cite to prove that I was actually becoming a better person through the stress and emotion or mental fatigue.

But it was time for me to move on. And I did.

It wasn't about finding some place "easier." I needed some place different. I needed to challenge myself in other areas. I needed to relieve the stress.

Now that I am about to complete this first year in what I hope to be many at my new school, I am looking back and doing some comparing and contrasting like I require my students to do regularly. I am also looking forward.

If this year has done one thing for me, it has reignited my passion for teaching and renewed a motivation to improve my craft as a teacher.

I have been able to do many things that I haven't done before. Instead of focusing on how I can get more students to pay attention and complete their work or to stop bullying other students, I have been able to focus on how I am presenting concepts in a way that they are understanding thoroughly.

Instead of figuring out how to get them to try to read something, I am figuring out how I can get them to think about what they read in a more critical way and then take it to the next level of creating something of their own from their reading.

I have been able to enjoy instilling and reinforcing a love for reading that I didn't even have in 4th and 5th grade myself. Something I am just now discovering in my 30s.

I am finally seeing the fruits of my labor before my own eyes. Before, I had to wait years before this came to fruition. I had to wait eight years at their high school graduations to be exact. I now have heard from two other old students who are graduating this year.

This year I had students are begging me NOT to do the extrinsic rewards that my old students lived for so they could use that time to continue working on their reports!

Students are begging to take my personal copy of "Lord of the Flies" home with them this summer to read because they heard how much I love that book and have come to trust my tastes after all the books I read aloud to them this year. They seem to think I am not aware of the fact they are in 5th grade and will not return next year to get it back to me. I may just go buy a couple copies and give it to them anyway.

I also have been able to share my love for math with these guys. They all claim math to be their favorite subject each day. Something I can relate to since it is my favorite subject to teach each day.

They have loved to be challenged with more and more difficult problems. I have done problems with them I never dreamed of doing with 4th and 5th graders. In fact, we have done problems I have had to relearn myself. In some cases they have figured it out before me.

How cool is it to tackle math with a group of 20 kids without knowing the answer yet yourself?

I didn't know until this year.

I could have looked it up, but it is more fun to model how one goes about figuring things out on their own. It was more genuine that way. It was cool to demonstrate that nobody is invincible and we don't expect them to be. Instead, we expect them to work hard at trying to be.

Who knows what this year has taught this awesome group of kids I have had. I do know that this year has a taught me a ton.

I have got to do a better job integrating science into math and vice versa as well as social studies into reading and vice versa. I need to improve my writing instruction, grammar in particular. And I should probably figure out how to keep my room from being so darn noisy.

But then again, noise equals knowledge in my room. Or so I hope.

Hidden Messages

I read a book called "The Celestine Prophecy" several years back and it mentioned the idea that there is meaning to be found in coincidences.

With that in mind, my car ride into work this morning with the iPod on shuffle played an eerie set of songs that had me thinking.

First, "Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum which goes on about dying to going to heaven. This prompted thoughts of my questions regarding any kind of after life at all.

No big deal. I was in the mood.

Then came "Last Dance" by The Ravonettes. Bubbly little ditty. No idea there would be a connection.

Next, "The '59 Sound" by Gaslight Anthem. There's a line in there about a song playing when you die.

It was about here that I took notice.

Finally, "Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event.

Uh oh.

So does this mean I was going to die around midnight tonight?

Coincidence?

It would be laughable until I realized I was just thinking earlier in the car ride about how precarious life is and how I could die today. There is no sure bet that I'll live to 72.

The night before I was thinking how I am 36 and halfway there. So maybe I should be experiencing a midlife crisis since I am at the middle of my life.

But maybe I am at the end of my life? According to that song list I am. About two hours away as I write this.

Several weeks ago I was thinking what would happen if someone died a particular way and the next night "Bones" played an episode in which the victim died that exact way as unique as it was.

So I present this list to you to say....if coincidences have meaning, this may be my last blog post.

Unless, of course, the meaning is something different that I am totally misinterpreting.

Christian Country?

I've been hearing a good bit of noise lately that the founding fathers did not intend to create a country that separates church and state. I have heard a good bit of chatter that this country is supposed to be founded on Christian principles and therefore, it is a Christian country.

I am not a historian and I don't try to act like I am one. Therefore, one can throw a good bit of historical reference at me but it will mean very little.

Let me explain why.

Regardless of whether the founding fathers meant to create a country with a government absent of a prescribed religion or not, I believe it should have. I am under the impression from my grade school history books and most conservatives that this country is based on the freedom of it's citizens and our rights to free speech and whatever religion we choose to subscribe to in our personal lives among other basic rights.

I lost count of the times I hear that our soldiers are dying to protect this great country and the freedoms we have. This is what separates us from the other countries around the world. This is what makes our country great.

By no means to I mean to make this sound like some sort of mockery of that statement. I love the patriotism that so many citizens feel. I take pride in being an American and having the luxury to speak my mind without being punished. While I would never burn our flag, I am proud that people have the right to do so without being burned themselves. I think this creates a good bit of turmoil but it also lead to progress.

Therefore, I believe that the separation of Church and State is required and necessary. I don't care if the founding fathers meant it to be or not. I don't care if the Constitution actually dictates that it should exist or not.

I feel it should be.

I don't want this country to be a "Christian" country. I don't want it to be any religion.

I have no problem with Christianity, nor do I mean to make it sound as though I do. But I want a government with no influence from any religion whatsoever if it is going to serve all people like it seems to state it is to do.

I have a serious issue with people who keep trying to shove Christianity down my throat as an American religion. I shouldn't have to justify my lack of belief in God, Jesus, Mohamed, Buddha or any particular religion or belief system.

I am openly supportive of gay rights. I believe it is part of the civil rights movement that hasn't found closure. When I come across people who believe marriage should be only between a man and a woman, I repeatedly hear, "Why can't you allow me to believe this principle? Why do you have to shove your belief down my throat? Can't you just respect my opinion?"

Ok. Well I am asking the same thing here. If you want me to respect your opinion regarding gay marriage, why can't you respect mine regarding no religion in government?

I think many of us have a hard time realizing there are morals and ethics that exist outside of religion. We feel as though religion dictates good and bad. But I have come across countless people and examples of secular rights and wrong. We all have.

We really don't need religion to create fair laws. We don't.

This is not to say we should be absent of a higher power of God. But if we truly want to have a government that is to serve all people, it should not be defined by one particular theology.

So whether the Constitution says so or not, I don't care, our government should NOT be a Christian government. I should be free to practice whatever spiritual theology I choose (or lack thereof) and I should not be restricted by any one religion either.

I bet you Thomas Jefferson would agree...

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof" (Proposed 9/25/1789; Ratified 12/15/1791)

Conquering Fear

I have a problem with fear and anxiety.

How that differentiates me from every other human being is unknown. But I say that because I feel like I am consumed with worry and fear rather than living through the human experience.

Recently I was forced to face one of my worst fears.

Again.

Many things crossed my mind. I didn't want to overreact. I didn't want to act like a drama queen. I wanted to be remain strong for my wife instead of leaning on her to be strong for me. I tried to stay positive and avoid my natural pessimistic point of view.

I'm not sure I accomplished any of those. But I did come to a realization.

I made it to a point where I embraced the fear. I convinced myself that the worst would in fact happen.

Once I thought through the idea of reopening the old wound, I came to the realization that I made it through the last time. It was not easy. It was one of the worst experiences I have dealt with (as I documented thoroughly in this blog) in my life.

But I came out the other end. Life did go on. I am sitting here in good shape.

I also realized that the experience itself is actually easier than the anxiety leading up to the experience.

So whatever causes the fear is usually not as bad as the fear itself. Therefore, embracing the fear can diffuse it. Getting to the point where you admit the worst and realizing you can handle it, especially when you can draw upon past experiences, helps ease the worry and anxiety.

It is an empowering feeling to use things that have left such a negative feeling in your soul to help create a positive thing.

I hear people say they want to live life with no regrets. I challenge that statement to a point because I feel like I have made mistakes and have hurt people and I think I should regret that.

I generally don't want to hurt people.

But when it comes to things out of my control, in particular, when it comes to negative things that have happened to me, these thoughts lead me to believe that I shouldn't regret them.

Maybe things do happen for a reason. Not directed by a higher being necessarily, but as part of an intricate web of something. The reason may not be the intent of the "thing" that happened, but an effect of the "thing" that happened.

This whole reflection relates back to my belief that there is no heaven or hell and the idea that this is not necessarily a bad thing. The experience of nothing is nothing. No negative. No positive. The worst part of nothing is not the experience of nothing but the fear of it before you get there.

I hear the little voice in my head telling me to wrap it up. In the future, instead of being afraid, I need to realize that I will persevere. There is no reason to be so worried. It really will be OK and there is a way out the other end.

I have been there before so I know it.

To Kill A Mockingbird

As I played on Facebook tonight I was listening to my iTunes on shuffle and "To Kill A Mockingbird" came on by Elmer Berstein.

My brother turned me on to the song while in Alabama mourning the loss of our grandmother. There was something very soothing about the instrumental song as we drove through a very beautiful wooded part of the south towards Laverne, Alabama.

It was a beautiful song in a beautiful part of our country.

It seemed fitting. As my brother, sister, father and I listened to this song play in the rental car all dressed up in our Sunday's best, we were quiet. It felt like we were watching her soul leave us quietly and peacefully into the sky.

It was Forest Gumpesque to be honest.

The following year when my wife and I lost our baby, I found myself listening to this song a good bit again. It felt right to mourn the loss of the little one we never knew with this song.

Part of me wanted to believe she was sharing space in the afterlife with her great grandmother.

I don't know if ironic is the right word, but earlier in the day, the book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" came up in my class. I actually had a 5th grade student who recognized it. Not to go off in a tangent but I came to the realization that I could read it to my students and they may actually appreciate it. In addition, they expressed interest in another personal favorite, "Lord of the Flies." I really love this class.

I have little purpose for this post other than sharing my appreciation for this song and book.

It still moves me to hear this song. I miss my grandmother. She made my experience with "To Kill A Mockingbird" and "Lord of the Flies" in high school so much more enjoyable than it would have been without her.

We would call her weekly and talk about what was going on in our lives before she moved up to Ohio. She loved discussing these books with me. One winter break when we visited her in Alabama, she supplied me with enough information to impress my English teacher to a point where she pushed to give me an A as a final grade even when I was supposed to receive a B.

I also still mourn the loss of our baby, Mallory. But it is much easier when I see our littlest one walking around with my oldest and think how she embodies what could have been.

I doubt too many other people have so much wrapped up in one song.

My Facebook Rant

My wife posted something on facebook regarding "Waiting For Superman" and I ended up going on a long winded, unprepared rant from my heart. I thought I would share it. I would love to hear feedback, but understand I ripped this off quickly with no forethough. So there may be some parts I should explain.

I hope this thread hasn't died. While money isn't a reason necessarily, it is an indicator. From what I've read (and heard) the father's income is the best indicator of a student's performance. The higher the income, the higher the success...or chance of success I should say.

Jenn, I think as a nation we need a complete shift in values. Many people like to "say" education is important and teachers are important and should get paid more (while there are plenty who don't) and sports stars should be paid less but then levies aren't passed and sin taxes for new stadiums and arenas are. Full disclosure: I am one of these people.

In addition, schools need more volunteers. I can now speak first hand about failing schools and successful schools with experience in both. The biggest difference I have seen, and the most effective, in my mind, is the support staff and parent involvement. Therefore, as a nation and individually, we need people to get in the schools. Companies need to allow time for employees to get in there and help. I've seen some companies "adopt" schools and send in volunteers. MORE of that is needed.

Parents need to show support of teachers. They need to read with their kids, talk to their kids, respect their kids and demonstrate respect for others in front of their kids BEFORE the kids even start school. They need to involve their kids in decision making around the house. They can do this by counting things, discussing why things happen, discussing what they think will happen. INTERACT with their kids.

Now this is where people will yell at me. This is where I get called fascist and un-pc. Teenagers need to quit having babies. I know I shouldn't jump on people's reproductive rights, but I feel we need to promote birth control and make it accessible to people who can't afford it. We need to make it "cool" to be protected in some form. I do realize many are trying. I really think schools need to be ground zero with this. There are all kinds of male enhancement pills and hair loss pills, but we need a male birth control pill. We need parenting classes. They need to be accessible for everyone.

Men need to man up. I think I have owned up to my manhood so if I sound preachy, deal with it. I am tired of seeing irresponsible men populate this planet and do little if nothing about it. I've said before and I'll say it again, in my experience it is amazing how frequently my good students (in the impoverished areas I have taught) had dads present regularly and those who struggled didn't have dads around at all or routinely. I know, I know I know. There are exceptions. Thank God there are. But it is consistently the case. Men need to step up and either don't have kids or quit being lazy and irresponsible. One or the other.

Rant...over.

Walk Down Memory Lane

The smell of the brisk air tonight as I drove with the window down reminded me of moving into the dorm at The Ohio State University my freshmen year over 15 years ago.

That was a good time.

I just finished a great run in high school. It was difficult coming to the realization that many of my acquaintances from that time would slowly drift away, but I knew my close friends would remain in touch and I knew I was on the brink of a number of new relationships that would be even better.

Ohio State, like Mentor, fit me well. Many people dislike the big school atmosphere and bureaucracy, but I am fine with it. It is easy to blend in places like these and I don't have the urge to stick out like some do. I am comfortable just minding my business and working within the system.

Plus good football teams and intra-mural programs are right up my alley.

Full disclosure.

It is not like I CAN stick out if I wanted to. For someone as obsessed with sports as I am, one would think I would have some small amount of athleticism that would stand out, but instead it is my lack of speed, height, strength and general athleticism that makes me stand out amongst friends.

Therefore, blending in is my best bet.

But this whole rant made me think about my short list of sporting accomplishments. It is a rather meek list. I suppose that is the humor in it after all.

I never stepped foot on a playing field more competitive than a city league, intra-mural league or teacher league.

So my best moments consists of co-ed intra-mural final fours, a D-League softball championship, one three pointer in a middle school teacher/student game to the roar of the student body and a cool nickname from fellow teachers who seem to be impressed with very little from the slow, short, nonathletic, white guy who says nothing.

I find it funny that when little is expected of you, it takes little to impress. I had one good game shooting and suddenly it has evolved into a legendary performance that continues to grow to this day. I think I hit 2-3 three pointers that night but now when I hear my former colleagues tell the story is was like I was raining three's all night with defenders n my face to the anger of the opposing coach on the other bench.

It's cool though. It has become a fun story to tell and I am not about to stop people bragging about me.

And the "Silent Storm" is a sweet name to go by in my opinion. So I have always let it ride.

LeBron's Circus

There is a need for me, The Most Negative Cleveland Sports Fan Alive, to provide a recorded opinion regarding LeBron James and this free agency circus he has created before things become official.

It would be ridiculous to make any kind of prediction of where he will end up. So many of the rumors are false. But let's start off with the teams in the running and their pros and cons.

Miami
They just signed Chris Bosh and resigned Dwayne Wade. There was word earlier that Bosh, Wade and James would all join together in Miami. There is room under the salary cap to sign all three if they agree. But there is little room for a supporting cast.

New York
Amar'e Stoudemire has already signed in New York giving LeBron a #2. But they have no legitimate guards to run the team.

Chicago
They signed Carlos Boozer and still have room to sign Lebron. They also have a stud in Derrick Rose. In addition they have Luol Deng and Joakim Noah. Suddenly the Noah antics from last season are forgotten. Will the shadow of Micheal Jordan have any kind of effect on his decision?

Cleveland
Right now there is little to keep him in Cleveland other than the pull of his home town. This is a team that won 60 or more games the past two seasons. But the last two seasons have resulted in flame outs in the playoffs. Nobody wants to come to Cleveland. It has become known that he actively recruited Bosh to come to Cleveland and Bosh refused. So Lebron obviously wants to stay here but there may be more reason to leave. Looking back, Boozer let Cleveland. Ray Allen refused to sign. Ohio born Micheal Redd refused to sign. Amar'e Stoudemire refused to come over in a trade leading to the Jamison deal. LeBron is beginning to see he'll never get the number two he needs.

It looks more and more like Chicago or Miami.

But I have one thing I have to get down on public record.

The coach.

Everybody cites Scottie Pippen as Michael Jordan's #2 man that helped him win 6 championships in Chicago. So the naturally we look to who LeBron will have as his #2. His Scottie Pippen.

What everyone forgets is that they didn't win until they had a legitimate coach in Phil Jackson.

After failure upon failure in supposed #2 players for LeBron, could it be the coach that has kept Cleveland from a ring? Could Mo Williams, Antawn Jamison or Shaquille O'Neal be enough? Was it the coach that stood in the way?

With this in mind, maybe Byron Scott who led the New Jersey Nets to TWO NBA Finals appearances and then winning records in New Orleans, could be the difference Cleveland needs.

Maybe the roster is fine, but the coach needs to change.

So it could be argued that if LeBron returns without ANY additions of star quality, the team will improve. This same team has proven they can win 60 games. Maybe Byron Scott is the difference that makes a 60 win team choking in the playoffs a 60 win team that wins in the playoffs.

If Scott can lead the Nets to the Finals (who have stunk more than anyone since he left), he can lead a 60 win team to a ring for sure.

I doubt James returns. I hate to type this but it is the truth.

But I hope in my heart he thinks about the new coach. I hope he realizes what he has built here. I hope he cares about the relationships he has built here. I hope he thinks about the loyalty of the fan base here. I hope he realizes how meaningful a ring would be here as opposed to anywhere else.

There is a Hollywood story shaping up in Cleveland, Ohio. He is the lead role. He is the Icon. It would be the stuff legends are made of.

Winning anywhere else pales in comparison. It would be diluted.

Unfortunately, this looks more and more like another heartbreak. A story we in Cleveland have seen time and time again. We all know what is coming.

So once agian we must grit our teeth and bare it.

Today Was A Good Day

I was browsing some old rap videos from the late 1980s and early 1990s yesterday seeking an Ice Cube track called, "Today Was A Good Day." I thought I would post it to my Facebook profile to share with some fellow 30 somethings that would appreciate the jam. But as I listened this 30 something father of two little girls became appalled by the suggestive lyrics and scenes. I am a grown man who enjoys good music and I am not saying this artist's freedom of speech should be denied, but I just can't attach myself to those lyrics.

The objective of this post though is not to discuss my tastes in old school rap music, but to share with my readers that I have had some pretty good days this week.

It can be wrapped up in this one scene from my life today:

Before I left for my softball game I received a big hug from my oldest while my youngest was blowing kisses to me from across the room.

Think about all the explicit good stuff in that sentence alone.

1) Hugs from my oldest
2) Cute kisses being blown to me from my littlest one (if you saw how she does this you would agree that it is unbearably adorable).
3) Going to hang out with some friends of mine
4) Playing a game

All of this before I even continue with the fact that my beautiful wife was sitting next to me. This all happened in a house we can afford in a decent neighborhood. USA had already won a thrilling soccer match to put us in the round of 16. The weather was beautiful. I didn't have to work. I have a new position at a school I chose to move to next school year. We had a thoroughly enjoyable lunch with some good friends' who we hadn't seen in awhile at their house earlier in the day.

I could really go on.

The day before was a good day without anything major happening. When mundane days are good days, as I wrote yesterday, you are really sitting pretty.

Good Bye Linden (pt 2)

I planned on writing another post dedicated to the people I worked with at Linden. In the end, it was the people that made the job what it was. I will get to this post, but today I wanted to put up a poem one colleague and I wrote and presented to our companions before we departed one last time today.

We both entered Linden the same year and we are both leaving the same year. We have shared similar feelings regarding this departure and our time at the school. So we felt it would be very cool to express these feelings and share our thoughts in a humorous, yet touching manner.

If I do say so myself, we pulled this off with flying colors. Although I struggled to make it through with a straight face, Jennifer remained stoic and we kept our captive audience laughing, crying and most of all, hitting home our point that they meant a great deal to us. We alternated stanzas and added a little flair here and there. At the end of the day, it worked as we hoped it would.

Understand we are not poets. So there are some rough parts due to the need to get certain points across and not enough time to smooth it out perfectly. And I removed particular names for privacy.

Here it is:

Twas our last day at Linden when all through the school
The staff was still packing and cleaning their rooms.
The boxes were filled and the cabinets were clear,
In hopes that our summer break soon would be here.
The children were done now, all playing at home,
While the teachers dreamed of vacations alone.
And Couch with her bag and Huey in his hat
Were saying good bye to this one and that.

When we both started at Linden in 1999
We thought that this teaching stuff would be just fine
Huey remembered days back in the annex
He lost count of the times he almost panicked
But quickly he learned how this new school would work
No longer was he freaked out by blood on his shirt.
Holes in the floor and chunks of ceiling falling,
Mr. Smith in the basement doing his drawings.

While back at the main building things were as nutty
With paper rooms flooding and (student), our buddy.
Wait a minute, Kathy, did I hear him right?
He needed to boo-boo but who’s gonna wipe.
The cops crashed the meth lab across the street,
A lockdown, no way! We had front row seats.
Mr. (parent) was greeted each day by Ms. Payne
Not sure what he had but he was insane!

Then finally one day we all said goodbye,
When the old building fell as the dust rose up high.
A new chapter at Linden was about to begin,
Now we had Hudson, would we all fit in?
Let’s count all the programs that we have had,
SFA, CMCD, Move It Math, Project Grad.
And then came LACES, and now we are STEM,
What comes after that? We’ll leave it to them.

Let’s not forget all the fun that we’ve had.
Line dancing, basketball, the retreats weren’t too bad.
There were Allen’s concerts that lasted two hours,
We didn’t care cuz the kids had music power!
Field days, PEAK free parties, and trips to the zoo,
Baseball games, COSI, and the parks, to name a few.
Now let’s not forget about the big adult fight
On the playground, after school. It was quite a sight!

Let’s pay respect to the ones we have lost,
House fires and shootings were a difficult cost,
It has been sad to watch staff members go,
We cried many tears because we missed them so.
But we always got lucky as new ones arrived,
Because all of their hard work made Linden strive,
We all know the work that we do is not easy,
But with all of your talents it seems more breezy

When Couch did the job share it drove everyone crazy,
Was she at work or just home being lazy.
Maybe she was counting the pennies galore,
or planning out ways to collect even more.
You got lucky to have Alli as part of the feature,
I heard that she makes a great lunch duty teacher.
To all of my teammates and committee members,
Thanks for the memories I’ll always remember.

When Huey’s team met in the hall it was far from a bore,
He and Yetts lived by the motto, "Less is more,"
We got more done with our backs against the wall,
Than the gossip our girls passed back and forth in the halls,
AYP, Proficiency, OAT or OAA,
Whatever the letters we were always game.
Gillam, Early, Baddeley, Jones, Harris and Harris, Marston, Huey, Smith and Yetts,
It didn't matter who was with us, we always felt 4th grade was the best!

As we walked to our cars, with no bullet holes,
We gave a last wave to the friends that we know.
To the Linden Family that’s always been true,
Thank you to all, and to all we love you!

Yeah, we knocked it out of the ballpark.

Student Visits

I have an old student who has been making it a tradition to come back and pay a visit at the end of each school year. I can tell he enjoys bragging about his exploits on the football field. You would think this would bring him by during football season but it is always the last week of school that I see him stroll in my classroom to the wide eyed awe of each class each year.

This year he brought with him a couple of his jerseys to show off. He handed me his home jersey and I held it up admiringly noting his last name on the back. Then we traded and I did the same with his away jersey.

We talked a little about his junior season. I asked what position he plays. Any. So I prodded a bit for specifics and he narrowed it down to quarterback and safety. Then I asked about the kind of offense they run and what he felt was his strengths and so on.

He can do it all, pass and run.

I have a feeling there was some embellishment taking place but I enjoyed it and allowed him to continue with little or no skepticism from me.

This continued as he talked about his future prospects. He says he has been hearing from the University of Cincinnati, University of Toledo, Ohio University and even Michigan State University.

Naturally I followed this by inquiring about my alma mater, Ohio State. Or O state as the kids say these days. Apparently, he is attending a camp at O State this summer and confidently expects some interest following said camp.

He is a great kid. I thoroughly enjoy his visits. He is still the same laid back guy he was in 4th grade seven years ago. He is physically larger than most of his peers just like his days in my class, but he never tried to intimidate. He just keep to himself and handled his business.

We talked football back then and we talk football now. Obviously. I also pry enough to make sure his grades are cool. I want to hear he still is working hard and managing well. Math was his thing. It sounds like it still is.

I trust he isn't just saying this to get me off his case and get the conversation back to his football accomplishments. I trust he is getting by like he did back then. It always took work but he never bowed out to it.

I would love to hear his name someday as I watch a game. The odds are against it. But at least I would know if he is anything like he was in 4th grade, he is one of the cool players I can be proud to cheer for.

Unless he goes to the "other" Michigan.

Linden Memories

"There is something to be said, when we choose to focus on the positive rather than point out the negative."

My wife has a way of making thought provoking statements.

I thought I would begin my last week at Linden where I have taught for 11 years with some sort of post regarding the best times. It seemed appropriate to take my wife's advice and focus on the positive.

I brainstormed as many memories as I could and a funny thing happened. The majority of the memories that stuck out were negative.

Several funerals and deaths come to mind.

The job itself has been extremely stressful and has taken its toll on my attitude and emotional well being. But these are things I anticipated and met head on from the start. I understood what I undertaking when I started and meant to do so.

Fortunately, there have been examples of good in this eleven year experience.

Each year I tell my students to send me an invite to their high school graduations. The year my first class at Linden finally made their way across the stage to receive their diplomas, I was able to attend. As I blogged before, a former student from that first class took me up on my claim and made sure I got a ticket.

It was a validating experience to say the least.

I tried to be a teacher that understood his students and showed he could relate. I tried to be a teacher they were comfortable around. But at the same time I intentionally tried to avoid being their "friend." I struggled throughout my time there balancing these two approaches.

There were times when I compromised my authority being too nice and others when I became too distant and never gained some students' trust as I was too much of an authority figure.

It is a tricky balance to find. I admire my friend and colleague Chad who has always had great relationships with students and their parents. A style I look to emulate in the future.

In this student's case, I was able to pull off the relationship I wanted. I earned his respect and made enough of an impression to be remembered eight years later and thought of in the terms of his education. In the end that was my job and I must have done it right.

I had a similar experience with another student who was extremely difficult, challenging and seemingly apathetic to my efforts towards his education. I lost touch with his family before he graduated so I never received any invite (I sure would have loved to though) to his commencement, but I ran into his mother several times.

They moved to another school but she found a way to keep her younger children at Linden because of, in her words, the positive experience her son had with me in 4th grade. From her vantage point, she saw her son make a dramatic improvement in school during his year with me, especially in Math. From my point of view, he was just strong in Math. His work proved it.

It was a great feeling every time I ran into her and saw her purposely come over with a smile to say hello and give me a hug. It was one of those things that you don't realize as it is happening, but it still happens.

Teaching is much like that. You can't see or feel it all of the time, but it is still there.

Another enjoyable experience at the L, would have to be the weekly basketball games after school. It started with guys (and lady) we taught with along with some other friends to make out and even 8-10 players. Even as teachers who played left Linden, we continued to play with numerous different rotations of guys. It was a nice mid week stress relief and excuse for exercise that was much needed, especially during the winter months.

I also recall the 4th Grade Math Tournament. It was the idea of Ms. Yetts but the creation of my own. We took the last month of the school year to spend some time each day getting the kids to master their math facts that usually seemed so weak. We used the "bracketology" of the NCAA basketball tournament in March as our format and it became a great motivator for our kids as they watched their names move through the bracket to the championship and ended with a ribbon or trophy or medal of some sort. Plus, it helped give us something to do the last day of school.

Most of all, the people(both staff and students) of Linden will be what I remember most. These people and the relationships I have had with them are the most poignant.

The emotional moments I have had with numerous people since it became public knowledge I was leaving, bare that out. It has been difficult to look people in the eye and tell them I'm leaving. The list of people and moments with them is so long that I need to devote a whole other post to them.

I guess that means there is more good than I expected. Maybe my better half was on to something after all. She usually is.

Misery of Cleveland Sports

I've done a good bit of thinking (and sleeping) the past 64 hours or so since the Cavaliers were officially eliminated from the race for the 2010 NBA Championship by the Boston Celtics who I personally loathe with a passion in case anyone reading this hasn't seen my Facebook statuses over the past several months.

Several things have crisscrossed my mind during this time of mourning. A mourning that seems to have become an annual event about this time of year for me.

First, Bruce Hooley of Columbus' 97.1 FM The Fan, a sports talk radio station, made an interesting analogy regarding LeBron James' post game press conference after game 6.

Normally I disagree with his opinions or takes on everything sports. But this time around he seemed to nail it.

He said the interview felt like a conversation you have with your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend just before you break up or maybe that required first conversation after you have split.

It was real uncomfortable and it seemed like he just wanted to get it over with. He seemed to "say" all the right things but the mannerisms and the tone just reeked of "GET ME OUT Of HERE!"

This reminded me of a girl I was dating back in college. We never progressed to the point of a committed, exclusive relationship that one might compare to the love affair us Cavs' fans have had with LeBron James, but it was a very cool, enjoyable period of time in which we hung out a great bit and shared a ton of good times.

But suddenly things got real weird with her. Out of no where there was this disconnect without any real event to point to as a cause.

This is much how I felt throughout the Boston series with LeBron. He suddenly started acting weird with no real event that I was aware of as to why. He seemed to lose interest. He wasn't joking around with his teammates. He didn't seem to be trying or even caring. He wasn't even mad.

It felt very wrong.

Now that the series is over, our Cavs lost and they lost this way with these odd, bad feelings surrounding it, we enter the LeBron free agency summer in an extremely fragile state.

Why would he want to stay? $30 million?

He says he wants to play for a winner. He even went so far as to say he believes the Cavaliers are committed to winning which one would say is a positive sign.

But with two choke jobs in a row and little wiggle room with the cap (although don't quote me here, I haven't looked into the details so I am not so sure what they can or cannot do), the Cavs may be in trouble. The players they have are obviously not enough. They may not be able to acquire the kinds of players that can.

In addition, there is this sour feeling surrounding the team and city. I can easily see why James would want to leave for a fresh start. Even though the pressure to win in markets like New York are immense, they are also intensified in a championship starved city like Cleveland. So little or no benefit there.

This leads to my next series of thoughts.

How much better would the Cavs have done had they a better coach than Mike Brown. I hate to trash a man that has already been dragged through the mud. He seems like a good man. But I look at this lineup and there seems to be a ton of talent. And the super talent of a two time MVP.

Why couldn't they do better?

The rotations seemed so bad. There didn't seem to be the right players on the court at the right time.

The offense was BAD. There was little or no ball movement or reliable plays.

I never saw the kinds of adjustments I see from other teams and their coaches. In fact, it seemed like the opponents were always able to adjust in critical times in the past several postseasons while the Cavs could not.

Finally, opposing coaches that looked out coached in the past, somehow were able to coach well in their series against the Cavs. Did the light bulb suddenly go off for them?

No.

They were just coaching against a minor league coach.

Therefore, I ask myself why did the Cavs lose? Every year seemed to have a new excuse. This time there is no where else to look or blame than the coach or players themselves.

They had the MVP. They had home court advantage two years in a row. They had playoff experience. They had several all stars. They had size down low with Shaq and length and athleticism in Parker and Moon. They had outside shooting. Lastly, they had a strong defensive scheme...or so I thought up until the All Star break.

Every off season they made moves to shore up weaknesses, but here we are in the same place for the Finals. Home.

So would a new coach be able to get this same group to a championship? Would this be enough to convince James to stay?

I try to rate where this disappointment and fear of LeBron leaving ranks in the bad events of my life.

While it doesn't come close to sitting in the doctor's office hearing that my baby will die before its born or watching my daughter seize uncontrollably in the hospital with no answers as to why, it does match up with walking through Ohio Stadium where I cheered on so many people so many times in a moment where I would finally get cheered for and fulfill a dream I worked hard to accomplish just to see it wash away before my very eyes in the only Spring commencement at The Ohio State University to get cancelled due to weather.

Yep. Only one and it was mine.

To add insult to injury, the second I returned to the apartment for a family celebration, the sun shone through for a beautiful afternoon.

Yeah, this feeling regarding the Cavs relates well to that moment.

Its bad. Real bad.

The worst of it is that this realization of the impending departure of LeBron James has happened so many times before. We know what is coming:

Joe Carter heroically winning the World Series for the Blue Jays with a dramatic home run.

Art Modell taking our football team from us and winning a Super Bowl. Something our Browns STILL haven't done.

Bill Belichick going to New England to lead a dynasty.

Manny Ramirez and CC Sabathia signing with bigger markets out east to win World Series rings.

James will leave for greener pastures where he will win championship after championship while we sit here with nothing.

NO THING.

A Little Bit Of This And A Little Bit Of That

I have a couple thoughts on my mind that wouldn't be able to hold a whole post but all together just might.

Kentucky Derby
I've been hearing a good bit of negative talk on local sports radio regarding the Derby. It has been called over hyped, outdated and overrated.

I tend to disagree.

In fact I would go so far as to say that the Derby is a premier sporting event each year.

Having been to the Derby, I draw upon firsthand knowledge of the build up and excitement of the race.

In addition, the gambling component makes it all the more interesting just like the brackets do for the NCAA basketball tournament.

While I understand people don't want to wait around all day for a two minute race, those two minutes are crazy and intense. I love it.

Room 12: Candy Or No Candy
My oldest had a school carnival, for lack of a better word, today where families could join their kids for three hours of home made games and contests for prizes, snacks in the cafeteria and karaoke in the gym. It is a fundraiser for the school.

My daughter loved every minute of the opportunity to show off her rooms, relationships with the staff and her friends.

My favorite part was when she walked in her classroom to show me (like I've never stepped foot in that room over the 330 some days she has attended that school) and stumbled upon a "Deal or No Deal" style of game involving bags of candy.

I was worried the concept of the game would be way over her head. While I think it was, she was able to pull it off since the only task was to pick a numbered bag.

Her enthusiasm was contagious. She was cheering and getting excited EVERY time she picked one. And she picked them in numerical order too. No real strategy involved whatsoever.

In the end she won the maximum prize (20 pieces of candy that she will not even touch or remember she has as early as that night) and the volunteers, spectators and fellow contestants were all high fiving her, cheering, and smiling like they won with her.

It was a cute moment.


Thought of the Day
This may be something that is unique to me but I figure if I do it, there is a high probability that others do it too even if they don't realize it.

I find it interesting that when I want something or someone, I focus on all the good things about it or the reasons it would be good and overlook the negative. Like when I've first started dating someone that I'm deeply infatuated with, I always focus on how great she is and what a perfect couple we would make and all the things we have in common and how well we would fit together.

At the same time, I overlook and shortcomings either of us bring to the table or aspects of the possible relationship that wouldn't work. At the very least I minimize them if not ignore them.

The same goes for objects like houses or other things like jobs.

But when I have someone or something, I begin to overlook or take for granted those same positive attributes I emphasized earlier and focus on the problems or the flaws.

I suppose it is a basic element of human nature. We all take things for granted. The grass is always greener. We need to appreciate what we have when we have it. Yadda yadda yadda.

I just found it interesting as this thought struck me driving in my car earlier today, that I can look at the very same thing from two totally different perspectives.


Side Note
My wife is rocking an Early Empire shirt from our friends' band back in the day. In the paraphrased words of Will Smith, "She makes that shirt look good!"

The Huey Karma Revisited
I feel I need to revisit the theory of the "Huey Karma."

Much like Murphy's Law, the Huey Karma states that any time I get excited or hopeful for something to happen, it doesn't. Often, not only does it NOT happen but it blows up in my face in heartbreaking fashion.

I usually attribute this to sports, but it applies through my whole life. Many of the positive things that have happened to me were unexpected. Therefore, I never had a chance to ruin them before they could take place by putting any sort of anticipatory (is that a word spell check?) energy into them. I did not anticipate then and look forward to them.

So now as the Cavs approach the second round of the 2010 playoffs, I refuse to allow myself to look past the present. I will not fall for any reason to believe they have any sort of shot in hell to make it past the next game in front of them.

This behavior brings about a good bit of backlash from friends of mine who don't understand, or even worse, understand but refuse to buy in. But it is OK. It is a sacrifice I must make. If that is the cost of my team winning, I'll pay it.

I have been able to get one person to see the light and join my army in this war against the sports gods. He may be the only one, but our army of two is fighting the good fight.

And we won't give up. We'll never give up!

Looking Back at Linden

My 11-year era at Linden will come to an end this June. After I made it official, I needed to inform my principal that I was leaving. Her reaction was expectantly surprised.

She made a formal announcement to the rest of the staff that I and two other colleagues would not be returning. This would allow the staff to be aware of the openings for the next school year. I had to leave the meeting early to pick up my daughter so I missed the reactions of the staff.

This was probably a good thing as uncomfortable as it would have been.

In all honesty, I didn't anticipate many of the teachers would have more than a superficial eyebrow raise at the announcement.

I doubt there was much more than that.

But the next morning I was approached by a number of staff with whom I worked for the majority of my 11 year run and received numerous heart warming comments and laughs.

There was one encounter I was most interested in experiencing. It was the moment that I would have to approach my teammate Deb Yetts.

And here my egocentric post ends and I begin to focus on this amazing teacher and how fortunate I have been to work with her. I have bragged profusely about her in past posts. Here we go again:

I was not looking forward to telling her I was not going to return. I felt like I was selling her out. I felt like I owe her more than that. It was like I was abandoning a teammate.

We have worked together eight or nine of my 11 years at Linden. I planned on writing that I have learned so much from her but I think it is more accurate to say I learned so much with her.

We were truly a team. Our chemistry was remarkable.

We gave and received with each other. While we played up our similar competitive tendencies, we never really competed with each other in a harmful, degrading manner. We understood the better the other did, the better we did.

She always had her head on straight and priorities right. It was always about the kids and what mattered most to increase their ability to achieve.

She was never afraid of work or leading the way. She always complimented and valued other people's suggestions and ideas, especially mine. She made me feel as though I was an important contributor to all we did as a grade level. This has been extremely motivating for me.

We took pride in our style and camaraderie. We brought our own strengths to the table, shared them and respected them. We maintained a safe, professional relationship that allowed admission of our shortcomings and freedom to seek assistance to compensate for them.

Because, once again, it wasn't about us and our prestige. It was about student achievement.

I could continue with examples of the amazing way she works her magic in her classroom or the energy she teaches with. She had a way of bringing our discussions,plans and ideas to life in a way I wanted to imitate.

But she was so humble and never ceased to mention that she got many of her ideas from me.

That meant an immeasurable amount to me.

"Less is more, Mr Huey" she'd say.

This was our motto when we wanted to remind ourselves to focus on what counts.

I'm going to miss Ms. Yetts. I admire her greatly.

When the moment of truth finally came and we talked about my upcoming departure, it was very difficult not to get emotional.

Once again, she showered me with praise responding to every compliment I directed toward her with a equal or greater compliment back.

I hope she understood how much I respect her and meant what I said about how meaningful my professional relationship with her has been.

I'm immensely grateful I was fortunate enough to teach with her. I am sure I am a better educator today than the day before I met her because of her.

She may have come in my room asking "What would Huey do?" But I will be asking myself repeatedly, "What would Yetts do?" for the rest of my career.