Honest Or Just Plain Rude?

I recently heard someone use this statement in response to someone objecting to something they said: "Well, if you don't like the answer then you shouldn't have asked the question!"

I have heard this statement several times in the past. It usually comes from loud mouths. More often than not, I hear people with little or no tact blurt out statements like this with a lack of concern of what other people think of them or their words.

First of all, if this guy knew what the answer was going to be, I don't think he would have asked it. The reason he asked was because he didn't know what the answer was in the first place. So how could he have stopped himself from asking it if he didn't know it would be something he didn't like?

It is a stupid statement. The lady came off as a rude, obnoxious blowhard in my opinion.

There is more to it than this though. I think the motivation behind statements like these is not always rudeness or disrespect. While I have not used this particular statement, I have used statements like it. I haven't intended on being rude most of the time, usually I have just tried to be frank and honest. So I imagine others who have said brash things like this had similar intentions. But sometimes efforts to be honest go too far.

Plus, I do not know what the whole context of that conversation was when that statement was said. For all I know the lady secretly felt bad that she received a disapproving reaction from the guy and tried to cover it with the shield of that statement. To her, it was his fault to react that way instead of her fault to answer his question that way.

But people like me put too much weight in what others think of us and what we say. Many times this is a bad thing because we lose sight of our needs and we don't protect our boundaries. We sacrifice too much for others when we don't need to.

But on the other side, there are people who have zero tact and lack consideration for others. It seems like more and more people fall in this category as the importance that was once put on manners and politeness is slowly disappearing. People take pride in their brash, no holds barred statements and attitude. It seems to be much more favorable to speak and act like this. But there is legitimate reason to be this way.

On one hand, we all should be polite and considerate towards others. But at the same time, we need to avoid going too far and compromising our own desires or intentions to be nice to someone else.

So where is that line between being honest with other people risking hurt feelings or feelings of disrespect and being rude and obnoxious showing little concern for another person's feelings?

I believe there is a way to assert you own interests and stand by what you want (within reason of course) without sounding rude or obnoxious. In fact there is a word for it. I used it earlier.

It is called tact.

Dictionary.com defines it as: "a keen sense of what is appropriate, tasteful, or aesthetically pleasing; taste; discrimination."

I recommend more people use it. Just because you say things in a particular way, with class, it doesn't mean you are being too nonconfrontational, passive or weak. It means you are standing your ground while showing class.