The Day After Christmas

December 26th was the worst day of the year growing up. It was the "morning after" before I had any idea what the morning after meant. It was the the low after the high.

Weeks of intense anticipation for Christmas day and the gifts I would receive and the Dad's Diner breakfast we would eat came to a crashing, sudden halt on this day each year.

The morning of December 26th brought the reality of the ugly, cold weather outside. There were no more green and red sugar cookies. The tree didn't have the same glow. The gifts were already boring and sometimes broken. Christmas songs weren't enjoyable anymore, just annoying. It was still too early to call your friends. The whole vibe was completely lost.

Throughout life I realized this sudden loss of happiness would happen more often than one day a year. Every high had its equal low immediately after.

The morning after my wedding. The rest of the day after my graduations. The morning after numerous parties. The day after vacations.

This came to mind as I spent this evening with my wife. In our crazy, wild life, this meant sitting in front of the TV while the kids were sleeping watching her "stories." Yes, fatigue gets the best of you in this profession of ours.

At the end of her show, the typical resolution came about and the protagonist learned the moral of her story. Yes, it is important to maintain your relationship with your mother.

Hey. I didn't say it was my show. I said it was "her stories." There is no football to be found on Tuesday nights and baseball has been dead to me since the Indians flamed out in, errrrrr, April.

Everything was nicely wrapped up and all loose ends tied when I thought to myself, "What next?"

I'll tell you what next: the low, depressing feeling that comes after the dramatic moments of your life end, but life goes on.

December 26th comes next.

Thank God For Football!

Turn a new page. Tear the old one out. And I'll try to see things your way.
"How We Operate" by Gomez

I try to be a man of my word. And my word has been that I am done being held prisoner to the Huey Karma. No longer will Negative Huey dominate my life.

It is a new day. The day of positive Huey is now.

But the Karma still won't let me go. It refuses to let me live my life in the positive manner I want to live it.

It started in the sports realm of my life an it will end in the sports realm.

This weekend the Karma has beaten me down, bloodied me up and dragged me down the street in a victory parade on the way to a dirty lake where it dumped me and left me there to die.

But I refuse to lose.

I will scratch and claw with every fiber of my being to crawl out of the murky lake and have my day. I will not allow this to keep me down.

USC beat my Buckeyes in heartbreaking fashion. The usual outcome for my beloved teams. There seems to be no other possible outcome these days. I was led to believe there was a chance. I allowed myself to live in the moment and enjoy the lead as we had it in the second half. But, as usual, the offense shut down and couldn't ice the game. I left the stadium heart dragging ten feet behind.

But I maintain my composure and look back on this experience with fondness. The evening was electric. The crowd was intense. The atmosphere was like little I have ever experienced. It ranks at the top of my list with the 1997 Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California. There were numerous moments of joy and elation.

It was that good.

I choose to stick with that memory despite the loss.

The Browns clocked in with the usual poor performance this afternoon to top off a losing weekend.

I choose to quickly forget this and focus on the words of my good friend who shares my pain: "It's so good to have football back."

In the midst of losing and despair, he still knew that football is good. It is back.

Thank God for football!!

Ironic Ignorance

Ignorant:
–adjective
1. lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned: an ignorant man.
2. lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact: ignorant of quantum physics.
3. uninformed; unaware.
4. due to or showing lack of knowledge or training: an ignorant statement.
(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ignorant)

Today a former student of a teacher friend of mine approached him after school as the students were dismissing. I had no idea who she was and had no recognition of her from the past.

As she talked about her former teacher from first grade, they joked about what kind of teachers we were and I was labeled "mean." Honestly, it was a refreshing statement since I worry that I am too often the "nice" teacher. I didn't enter this profession to be their friends. So hearing that I was considered mean meant I haven't strayed too far to the easy going side of my profession.

In addition, "mean" is usually code for "the teacher didn't let me do what I wanted to do." When that means not letting them coast by without working, then hell yeah, I am a mean SOB.

But until these last moments of writing all of this, that aspect of the conversation was lost in the one word she used in describing me during the laughter. This one word stuck with me throughout the rest of the afternoon because it reminded me of how often I hear it used erroneously.

The word? Ignorant.

It has become a pet peeve of mine which I probably mentioned once or twice in this blog already.

The word, "ignorant" gets tossed about so incorrectly and so often that I sometimes I wonder if I am the one mistaken. I looked it up on dictionary.com just to confirm my understanding of its meaning.

I am right. They are wrong.

This child and so many other people use ignorant to mean rude. But even the context she used it in today made such little sense I am not sure she even meant rude. Maybe she thinks it means rude, but rude didn't fit the context of her use of ignorance in this particular case. So she lost me.

Even though she was never in my class. She said knew me from the lunchroom despite the fact I have never had lunch duty. Maybe it is mistaken identity, but that is irrelevant. The point here is that in her mind, I was "ignorant" for being mean to her in the lunchroom.

Maybe she meant I was rude.

But how is that demonstrating some lack of knowledge on my part? This is what ignorant means after all, right? A lack of knowledge.

In the end, it seems rather ironic that people who use the word ignorant in this fashion to describe someone else, are actually the ignorant ones.

As they speak of someone being ignorant, they are displaying that very description themselves.

And this particular girl not only demonstrated the correct meaning of the word without knowing it, she also displayed her incorrect meaning of the word in her rude treatment of someone she doesn't even know.

Seems awfully ignant to me.

The Huey Karma Won't Die

Not long ago I swore off the Huey Karma. It was part of a greater effort to be more positive. I openly acknowledge my tendency to be a pessimist and look at things from a negative point of view even though I have always felt it was more of a realistic point of view.

I want to change that habit. I understand I am wired a certain way and sometimes there is need for pessimism to keep my head on straight, but I believe I can stay true to myself and my "wiring" while leaning in a more positive direction. I believe I can have a more positive outlook and in turn enjoy myself more.

Therefore, the Huey Karma had to go.

But not without its last kicks. It is like kicking an addiction. Relapse may be inevitable. But it is not reason to quit quitting.

Allow me to explain the Huey Karma to those of you who are new to the concept. It is not exactly like the conventional karma we are used to hearing about within Buddhism or other Eastern belief systems. No, the Huey Karma is more like Murphy's Law. What can go wrong, will go wrong.

The Huey Karma would state: If you don't expect it to go wrong, it will go wrong.

One rule of combating the Huey Karma is to never take anything good for granted no matter how inevitable it may seem. Expect the bad and it won't happen. But assume you have something before you have it and you will lose it. The Karma preys on your unsuspecting moments.

If you ever think you have something prematurely, the Karma will strike and take it from you.

It began with sports and then generalized to my life overall. I quickly noticed in my little league games that when I assumed we would win, we would lose. As I watched countless heartbreaks at the hands of John Elway, Micheal Jordan, Art Modell, the Florida Marlins, Michigan Wolverines and even the Michigan State Spartans, my fears were reinforced.

The greatest example would be the opening game of the Browns season not long after they returned. The clock said 0:00 and the Browns had more points. They lost that game. Dwayne Rudd was called for a penalty that I never saw called before or since that game. He took off his helmet.

Huey Karma.

The examples are endless. Those of you who know me have heard them all.

My driver's license. Countless girls I tried to date. College Graduation. Endless lists of more minor shortcomings.

I have a good friend, Chad who understands the Karma and warned me against swearing it off. He knew the ramifications I would be facing. If there was a school of Huey Karma, Chad would have his Master's Degree. He would be close to finishing his doctorate as we speak.

We both attended the Ohio State versus Navy game this past Saturday. We both had high expectations for the game. That was our first mistake.

As the days before the game drew near, we set up our plans to meet before the game and head to campus to enjoy the pre game atmosphere. Then we would proceed to the game to watch a good game against a good opponent that would end in relatively easy win.

Then the Karma arrived.

First, I realized I couldn't make it to the game early. I had more important duties as Daddy. So that was out.

Secondly, my brother was in town for a reunion the night before. I was excited to visit with him and my sister-in-law. But that fell through as it made no sense for them to show up late at night and deal with the cats of whom my brother is allergic just for 5 minutes of bed prep and and a goodbye in the morning.

We did manage to see them and two mutual friends before the game for a couple of minutes but nothing near the kind of valuable, meaningful visit we had hoped for in our plans. (Plus, it hurts my argument here)

Through it all, I maintained my positive attitude and enjoyed what I did get to enjoy. The few minutes were better than nothing. The walk through campus was nice. The conversation with Chad was pleasant.

But the Karma doesn't go that easy.

We finally made out way tot he stadium and began the trek that was the climb to our seats.

When we came to rest at our seats, it was the second to last row. The steep climb almost made my nose bleed if not my ears. The seats themselves were directly next to the wall of the press box and a pole was right in front of us.

Take a look at the seats we had after we moved to better seats. BETTER SEATS:


Then, an easy win turned into an ugly escape as the Buckeyes blew a 15 point 4th quarter lead right on cue. If it weren't for a questionable two point conversion play call that led to a pick two for my Bucks, I could have been singing a different tune that this last paragraph will.

I was never scared.

Really.

I predicted a 26-23 Buckeye victory. It was a 31-27 Buckeye victory. A four point win instead of a three point win.

So the Karma keeps kicking. I anticipate more stories to tell. It won't go without a fight.

But I promise I am determined. I can be as stubborn as this dreaded Karma.

In the words of my dear departed grandmother, B: "If it's gotta be you or me....dammit, it's gonna be me!"

We Are Doomed!

I just read the speech that President Obama will deliver to the schools tomorrow. I read the direct speech with no commentary from either side of the political spectrum so I could decipher its harm myself.

You can check it out for yourself right here.

In a nutshell, the President used a number of personal examples as well as examples from common citizens to illustrate his point that students are the ones that truly make the difference in their own achievement.

It is about time that we put the emphasis where it belongs.

I do not mean to take the accountability off teachers or parents but the students themselves are the ones taking these tests and doing the work or making the choices necessary to succeed. No matter how much parents and teachers and administrators do to provide a relevant and appropriate education for our children, it is the children that will determine whether this work is successful. Nobody can climb in their brains and control whether or not they listen, do their work and pay attention or focus.

His speech is on point. It is relevant. It is inspiring. It is meaningful.

It provides a lesson plan that directly mirrors a lesson I did myself last week. It is a regular opening writing assigment I do where I discuss the importance of goal setting and allow the students to discuss and reflect on their own goals both long term and short term. I am proud of the lesson and usually go back to it throughout the year.

Of course, students see speeches like this all the time. I recall our superintendent doing something very similar not too many years ago. Teachers like myself do it regularly.

But kids still don't listen. They still drop out.

So in the end, the reality is that it really may not make much of a difference.

Politically, I am ashamed and appalled at my fellow countrymen and women for turning this into a circus.

If we have reached a point where we are so divided that an inspirational speech like this gets blown out of proportion like it has and turned into another reason to attack our President on his policy, we are truly in trouble.

We are now to a point where we are sabotaging ourselves. We are cutting off our nose to spite our face.

There is no way things can change for the better when this happens.

A further downward spiral is inevitable.

Thank you very much America. You should be embarrassed with yourself.

The Bad In Life Is Good

I sat in a rush hour traffic jam this evening thinking about a number of different things including how odd it is for me to say, "Think of how far I've come?" I was thinking of my personal well being and happiness.

I felt it is odd because the answer varies based on how long of a span within your life you look.

For example: If I compare my life now to 2003 and 2004, my life has come a tremendously long way back from some very dark times to some very happy times. But if I compare my life now to my years in college and soon thereafter, it is about the same. I was pretty happy and content with my life back then too. So I haven't come a long way at all.

Like Obi Won Kanobi said in Jedi, "It's all a matter of how you look at it." That's the quote as I remember it anyway.

Then I thought how I can easily identify the worst time of my life. The worst moment. The worst experience. The worst year. But I can't pinpoint my single best moment, experience or year.

What was better? My wedding? The birth of my daughters? The 1997 Rose Bowl with my Dad? Graduations? First kiss or any other firsts?

I'm extremely fortunate to have a number of experiences that can be thrown in a steel cage match of sorts to battle it out for the top spot.

This led me to comparing my nightmare of 2003-2004 with the dreadful years in middle school. Those middle school "issues" I dealt with seem so petty and overblown in comparison to the heavy stuff I dealt with later. Yet I handled myself so much better through the stress of 03-04. Obviously, being an adult with more perspective helped.

If I looked back on my life in the midst of my family falling apart before my eyes in health and status to my years of near depression in 8th grade, would I have felt I came a long way?

Today's vantage point would lead me to believe that yes, I have come a long way. In fact, it was those two periods of my life that have truly defined who I am. I needed my daughter's health issue to wake me up and force me to grow up and demonstrate better responsibility as a father. This is not to say I was a bad father at that time. It is to say that this experience has brought out the best in me.

The end of my marriage needed to happen for my well being and happiness and I sincerely believe it has led to a better life for my ex and our daughter. Forcing that marriage to continue would have led to a life of indifference and resentment. We have all moved on and have grown to a point that is much more healthy today. There is still more work to be done, but if there wasn't then what will I look to in the future to measure how far I have come from now?

More validation came in the summer of 2008. I dealt with two losses in my life. My grandmother passed and my unborn daughter to be passed away. These experiences happened so close together in May and June that much of the emotion blurs together. But as I left that summer, I had this calm, soothing feeling in my soul. The grieving I did that summer took me to place I needed to be. It was a place I wouldn't have been had I not learned and grown from the other hardships.

One could conceivably say that those worst periods of my life have been the best. The strength they required and the maturity I showed have provided proof that I am a better person than I often think. I used to worry I would fold in tough times. But I can now say I know I won't. I know I didn't in the past.

Tough times don't last. Tough people do.

I'll never think or act like I'd win a fist fight. But I can handle the mental battles that life brings. I can outlast hardship. And I can do what it takes to regain my well-being and happiness.

I can because I did.

Finally, I realize my difficulty pales in comparison to many troubles others have. By no means do I attempt to compare myself to them or compete with them for who has had tougher times. I doubt I could handle many of the things others have dealt with throughout history or around the world as we speak. If anything, my experiences have taught me just how much respect and admiration I have for people dealing with much tougher stresses than I have dealt with in my life.

Traffic, Tressel and Recess

I thought I would post abbreviated versions of these three thoughts on facebook, but figured it would be too long and too much all at once:

Traffic Updates: Why is it every time I am stuck in traffic, listening to the radio, the traffic guy or woman comes on and doesn't mention the jam I am in? Then, when I DO hear about a traffic tie up as I drive through said intersection, I see nothing and there is absolutely no slowdown? Does this happen to others? Is it just me? It happens routinely.

Jim Tressel's Rivalry Behavior: The coach of our dreaded rival up north is experiencing multiple and major stresses up there right now. First, his Wolverines have been losing to substandard opponents (see Appalachian State, a Division I-AA school and Toledo, a MAC school). Secondly, he had to deal with a questionable departure from the University of West Virginia shredding important documents and a contract dispute that led him to be forced to pay back over 3 million dollars. Now he is linked to a bad real estate deal back in Virginia from the time he was an assistant at Clemson.

On top of this, current players are unanimously claiming that Rich Rodriquez is breaking NCAA rules regarding the amount of time he and his staff are requiring the players to practice. In my, and many others, opinion, this is a sign of locker room division and problems in the home so to speak. are players ready to revolt? Many have transferred, even to rival Ohio State.

When approached about these problems, Jim Tressel, coach of the Buckeyes, consistently takes the high road. Despite the bitter rivalry, he has gone so far as to defend Rich Rod by stating that players at this level need to practice more than the allotted time. Of course, he danced clear of any violation stating that this time is completely voluntary and not mandated by him or his coaching staff.

I love this about coach Tressel. Leave the low class, insults to the fans. That is our job. That is our game. We are the ones to talk the smack and trash to the rival fans. Our coach and players need to rise above that and demonstrate respect towards the rival. Just keep beating them down on the field and providing ammunition and statistics for us to cite as we debate our superiority over the other.

If you really think about it, we want that school up north to be violation free and successful. What makes the rivalry engaging and relevant is the prestige of the two schools and the meaning of the games. One reason they play last every year is to help emphasize its importance as they enter bowl season. Many times, championships are on the line for one or both of the programs.

When one school is performing as badly as Michigan or is on probation, it takes a substantial amount of air out of the bubble. The rivalry means much less. Tress knows this. He understands how critical it is that our "enemy" is a force to be reckoned with. He grasps how their success is for our own good. So he continually transcends the "hatred" passed back and forth among the legions of fans.

Obviously, many feel fans too should exert some effort towards showing class and respect. As I grow older I feel more inclined to do so as well. But it doesn't change my view that if trash shall be spoken, it shall be spoken by us.

Recess Football: Don't get me wrong. I love my girls this year. They are a cool group. But.....

The days I have recess duty, it is definitely a pleasure to get out and play some football with the boys. It gives me a chance to get to know the other kids in our grade level which helps me handle hallway behavior. For instance, calling to a child, "Hey! You! Stop that!" is much less effective than saying, "Marquise, come here. Don't do that man. You don't expect me to pass you the rock when you act like this, do you?"

Also, I need some manly activities during my day.