Don't Worry, I Won't Pray For You

Isn't it interesting that when someone a person cares about has trouble, they often say, "I will pray for you?" Churches have moments to pray for people they care about or problems for which they seek help.

There are a variety of ways to pray or meditate. Many people pray or meditate for different reasons including the expectation of particular outcomes or no outcomes at all. I recall countless moments of bowing in front of the television begging God to carry my team to victory.

Does this prayer work?

I recently read about a study in "What Don't You Know" by Micheal LaBossiere. The book isn't about prayer or meditation. It is a book of philosophical provocations ranging from metaphysics and epistemology to ethics and social thought as well as politics. But it devotes a small section to the efficacy of prayer.

It cited two studies that had similar results. The first, Study of the Therapeutic Effects of Intercessory Prayer (STEM), was conducted with scientific rigour in an effort to find out if prayer had any medical effects. (LaBossiere pg 33-34)

This study followed 1,802 cardiac bypass surgery patients. There were three groups. Between the first two groups, one was prayed for and the other was not. The doctors and the patients had no idea which group was prayed for and which one was not. The third group was prayed for AND told they were being prayed for. Catholic and Protestant groups did the praying.

The results revealed that there was no difference between the first two groups who had one receiving prayers and the other not receiving prayers. Adding to the intrigue was that the third group who were prayed for and knew it, actually suffered from more complications.

Ironically, this study was funded by an organization that promotes religious beliefs which means they were most likely contradicting their objective.

A second study, MANTRA II, showed the same results.

There are a number of conclusions one can draw from this. One would be that the stress of thinking you need to be prayed for, which was experienced by the third group, could have played a role in the complications they suffered. It has been shown that stress is unhealthy.

I mentioned this study to three trusted friends and family of mine who work in the church. As expected, they gave in depth reflection on the study and all seemed unswayed by it.

For them, prayer already transcended requests to God. Prayer was more of an experience to bring them closer to God. They don't seem to look to God to solve their problems or fix their mess.

So why say "I will pray for you" then?

Interestingly, I have heard a number of times from priests and ministers that we need to turn our problems over to God. We should go to God for help.

Maybe there is some reassurance or comfort in that phrase or thought. Of course, the third group may have had added stress as a result. So that would contradict that theory.

I recall what I have read about meditation through my exploration of Buddhism and how similar the art of meditation is to prayer. Also, the reading I have done seems to describe meditating less as a route to achieve a need or particular outcome, but a way to center one's self and find peace.

This inner peace relates to the thoughts of my three trusted experts. They all seemed to feel prayer was a way to find inner peace with God.

So next time you are in trouble, I won't pray for you to get better. I will pray or meditate in hope to find inner peace and hope that you do too. Hopefully, you can transcend your trouble and find inner peace.

Things Are Going Well When....

...I get a text message from my daughter's mom that she is having a blast with a whole bunch of kids that are over her house playing with her. I have made it public knowledge that I am concerned about my daughter's interactions with her peers because of her impairments. Hearing things like this is wonderful and warms my heart.


....When my daughter returns the next day, I fear she will not want to stay with me because of all the fun she had with her mom. I would understand. She has so many friends and kids her age there to interact with. Instead, the first words out of her mouth are "Daddy, I miss you Daddy."

Ah yes. Daddy's still got it.

For now.

Here I Go....Again

The day is drawing near.

It is a matter of weeks before my second (or third depending on your point of view RIP Mallory Hoyt Huey) child is due.

I thought my experience would help. I figured it was like riding a bike. I am quickly finding out that is not the case for me.

Granted my wife and I are doing things a bit differently than my previous experience. We are attempting to use cloth diapers in an effort to do our part to be "green." We are using babysitters instead of daycare. We are shopping pediatricians much more thoroughly. The wife plans to breastfeed. The list goes on.

Despite these things, I feel like this is all new to me. It has been a number of years since my oldest was born but I thought my memory was stronger than this. Old age must be getting to me.

As I enter "The Baby Deaux Experience" I find myself thinking a number of things.

First, will my memory kick in after birth? Maybe this pregnancy isn't jogging my memory bank because I didn't do much until after the birth last time. Maybe seeing and feeling the post birth events will get my mind right.

Second, how will this affect my relationship with the oldest? I have a very close relationship with my oldest. We have been through a good bit together. With another little person in my life, does my emotional connection split or double? I'm an actually excited to experience this.

Third, how are we going to afford all of this? I look at the things we need to buy and I remember all the stuff I had to buy last time and I almost faint at the thought of the money it will cost.

Finally, have I learned from the mistakes I made the first time around? I prefer thinking I have no regrets in my life. The mistakes I made make me who I am today and got me here. But when it comes to the well being of another person, like my child, I want to avoid things I have done wrong. Fortunately, my wife is good at keeping me in check. Hopefully she will continue to do so.

Oh yeah...one more thing. How am I going to sleep with two kids to care for and entertain?

I'll get back to you on these answers.