Today I turn 39 and thought I would list 39 things I am grateful to have or have done or have had in my life to this point. It is a take from the daily gratitudes of November except this has a longer range. I tried to make those points of gratitude apply to the present each day, this time around I am living totally in the past.
So let's get it started:
1. My parents who have been positive role models and who have instilled an importance of open mindedness and acceptance, compassion and caring.
2. My siblings who have been fun to hang out with and supportive in times of need.
3. The woods behind my house that provided endless hours of fun growing up playing war, building forts, tiltalling, first kiss and countless other memories.
4. High school was fun. Middle school sucked, but high school was a great three years I would do all over again if I could.
5. So many friendships over the years that I still cherish. It can be difficult having a diverse set of friends because you have to be able to see past things you disagree about and be able to find a way to accept each other's shortcomings but somehow I have been able to gain and maintain a number of friendships to varying degrees for a long time now and I appreciate the good fortune that they were able to accept me.
6. Torrey's Field up the street was a place we played football, baseball, soccer and God knows what else year round without knowing who it truly belonged to. It was a host to countless games and a parade of people we would bring through.
7. Later in my childhood someone built a house in Torrey's field and we started playing football after school over at Chillicothe park. There were evenings we would have so many people that we had four full games going at once. It was so fun that 20 years later at my high school reunion, one friend brought it up and how much he loved playing. He showed me a scar he swore was from a time I tackled him. He was and is 2 times bigger than me. Those were my glory days.
8. I didn't have many girlfriends, I was very awkward --surprise!- but I am grateful for the relationships I had. There were some really cool girls there, all leading me to my one and only wife.
9. I should probably use this one for Vicki. I am extremely grateful for the woman who was a friend and now a partner. She returned in my life at a time that I needed her (and I'd like to think she needed me) and she has taught me much about many things as well as helping me learn or see a number of things for myself. I appreciate her everyday.
10. The most fun I have had in life would be my years at OSU. I had numerous goals for myself professionally and socially for those years and pretty much accomplished them all. I set myself up for the future while enjoying what it all had to offer.
11. Phantom Band is one of those college experiences I will cherish forever. Particularly the year we led the whole damn thing. THAT seriously was my one shining moment. The power we had over so many people was intoxicating.
12. 85 was another part of my college experience that I hold dear. My roommates at 85 are some of the coolest, best kind of people I have ever met.
13. Ohio State sports has provided happiness where Cleveland sports have provided misery. THANK GOD for the Buckeyes.
14. Amidst this happiness is the 2002 National Championship. The only title any of my teams have earned. I don't count Alabama because they are a secondary team. Yes, I was pumped to watch the Tide win their titles, but they aren't my home state, alma mater or home city.
15. The 1997 Rose Bowl was my senior year and my Dad and I took a trip to Pasadena that we still reminisce about to this day. It was a very cool time with my Dad and the game was epic. Joe Germaine to David Boston on a little square out in the front of the end zone and TBDBITL playing "Carmen, Ohio" right in front of us as I looked to the misty scoreboard reading the final score are visions firmly planted in my memory.
16. Cedar Point is a place I loved growing up and still do. The fact that my oldest loves roller coasters as she does warms my heart.
17. Road trips in college were awesome. The Kentucky Derby, Penn State, Ann Arbor, NYC, Indy for the NCAA tourney, IUP, OU and many others.
18. Fantasy football has been a nightmare this season but it has provided a nice safety net to keep my interest in the NFL going after the Browns inevitable annual flame out.
19. Former students have returned over the years to say "hi." I am grateful I have made enough of a positive impression to earn visits. It is cool to hear how they are doing years later.
20. I am appreciative of any good moments with my students. Simple moments of conversations to accomplishments to visits, to goodbyes to inside jokes to sharing memories to seeing their growth from the time we first meet to the time they leave.
21. My health has been pretty good. I appreciate how low maintenance things have been for me so far. I hope that continues.
22. I love softball. I have been playing for decades now and I know I won't be able to forever. I am very grateful for all the seasons and memories and teams and people that have been a part of my experiences playing softball.
23. I am grateful for learning. There is an abundance of learning to be done and I enjoy doing so.
24. I am thankful for music. all kinds for all moods and all occasions.
25. Star Wars was a huge part of my childhood and I enjoy sharing it with my kids now.
26. I am grateful for social media. Thanks to Facebook and my blog, I have been able to engage with many friends about many different things. I have rekindled old friendships that otherwise, I would not have been able to do. I have been able to stay in touch with extended family. It makes things easy and quick and fun.
27. I appreciate my in laws welcoming me to their family and treating me as family as well as my oldest daughter. Without flinching or questioning, they fluidly and seamlessly included us very comfortably despite the challenges that come with that.
28. I love Columbus. It is my new home. My heart will always have a space saved for Cleveland, but Columbus is my home.
29. Thankful for this house and this neighborhood. It is what I always envisioned for me when I "grew up." So I guess I'm grown up. Hmm
30. Obviously, I am grateful for my paycheck. I live a good life. I try not to take it for granted.
31. Much like above, I am thankful for my health insurance. I have known people who don't have any and it is HARD. I have been fortunate to transition from one to another pretty easily and with three kids, one with a health condition, it has been a luxury.
32. St. Thomas Aquinas was a church I have written about before. It played a large role in shaping who I am today.I felt like they got it right. Unfortunately, they didn't pull in enough money for the Catholic church to continue to support it, so it closed. Figures. Another brick in the wall. But I appreciate the time I had there and the people I met and I hope they knew how influential they were.
33. I am thankful for the care of Children's Hospital in Columbus. I have had to spend extended periods of time there on numerous occasions and it has been very difficult but they have done well. I appreciate the help in caring for my daughter and trying to figure out what to do.
34. Thankful for luck. I have been very lucky when it comes to important things. My bad luck has fortunately been in regards to minor issues that I have been able to recover from relatively easily.
35. I have fond memories of trips to Alabama. We would go to this pond and row around playing pirates or whatever. We would dock on a shore and run into the surrounding woods to play whatever mission we were on at that time. They were meant to fishing so i am sure we looked dumb as hell, but my Dad never seemed to care and encouraged it, so we did. That was great.
36. A timely gratitude would be rivalries. I love the intensity of OSU and the TTUN. I love what once was with the Browns and Steelers and the hope that someday it returns.
37. I am thankful for my current boss.
38. I am thankful for rock shows and friends who introduce to me to good rock bands.
39. My three kids are treasures. I can't end this list without the three little ones I adore.
It goes without saying, I am a wealthy man. This list could be doubled and more. I am grateful for that as well.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Why am I Still Doing This?
Each passing school year has become more and more difficult. The pressure continues to increase with only more to come.
From the point of view of someone on the inside who has been in education for over 15 years, it feels as though the wrong things are emphasized, the time, energy and money is not being spent efficiently or effectively, more is expected with less support given while the support was minimal in the first place.
It is difficult to argue or to defend our position as educators because it looks selfish on the surface. The issues surrounding education keep getting simplified to a point that distort the reality.
Teaching and learning go hand in hand.
Maybe I should write it this way: Good teaching and good learning go hand in hand.
Teachers try to make the learning experience better but it is often mistaken for making the teaching experience better and therefore, appears selfish and not in the students' best interest. When in fact, since the two are so closely linked, better teaching experience leads to better learning experience and vice versa.
Therefore, stripping resources from the teaching only hurts the learning. Stripping resources from the learning only hurts the teaching.
I think of when I go to Subway. I order a sandwich and then pick and choose what items they add to the meat and cheese. There isn't a standardized amount I get of each item. It varies depending on the person behind the counter. For example, one girl always drowns my sandwich in lettuce and another puts just the right amount. I bet there is a Subway somewhere that would put very little. They also do not record how much or what I specifically get. They track my purchases with that rewards card, but not the items on the sandwich.
What if tracking that data helped maximize profits by informing them how much to buy or have in stock? That would extend my stay in line. Customer service would be sacrificed. They would need to hire more help to keep things moving. My time in line plays a large role in whether I frequent their business.
In education, we are doing this. We are collecting more and more data. On the surface it looks good. It helps drive our instruction and know what the students need and helps maximize what we teach. We can't argue against it or we look lazy like we don't want to do more work and we have summers off so who are we to complain?
But what isn't being talked about or understood is that our "customer service" or teaching actually is compromised. Less time is able to be spent on actual instruction so that this data collection takes place. It defeats the purpose.
Extra help isn't hired and more success is expected. It is like that Subway worker having to spend more time typing in items in the computer but being expected to serve the customers in the less time in order to improve customer satisfaction without any extra help.
So why am I still doing this?
Why am I staying in this profession that is vastly different than when I started, which was already changing from how the generation before me was teaching and not necessarily all for the better?
I didn't do this to crunch data. I would have and could have gone into accounting. I am perfectly capable of doing that. Most teachers I know are intelligent, hard workers that could be working in professions that pay more and do so successfully.
But we all chose to do this instead.
Why?
For me, that reason happened a couple weeks ago. It wasn't happening at all this year before that class on that Friday afternoon. I enjoyed it frequently last year and the year before. But not this year.
It wasn't a glowing moment of an old student returning. It wasn't some award. It wasn't a compliment from a parent. It wasn't a great evaluation from my boss.
It had nothing to do with data or tests or grades or planning or recess or any of that.
It was the kids.
The one thing that keeps me there year after year is the students.
They can be frustrating, cause me to lose hair and years off my life.
But they also contribute to the unspoken, indescribable feeling we get all get when that invisible learning happens.
I suppose I can describe it and it is visible in an abstract way, but not directly.
I love Math. I love making the students figure "big boy" and "big girl" Math on their own.That Friday and several times since, I have found myself getting lost in the lesson. I blocked out all that is happening outside my room without realizing it.
It is difficult to articulate.
But when this happens, my excitement becomes contagious. I see it in the students' eyes and that energizes me. Suddenly, other students who were slumped over start to slowly perk up. I see them start to rise out of their seats and even stand.
I don't stop them.
Several students start to blurt out answers, ideas and even extending questions and I don't stop them.
This doesn't happen often. But it happens.
I swear you can see light bulbs hover above their heads.
This feeling begins to spread. You can see it. Positive peer pressure kicks in at this point and this is where it thrives.
Students actually WANT to be part of the excitement around the room. It is more engaging than anything else I have tried.
Math becomes fun without any bells and whistles, just emotion. They see my excitement and then other students' excitement and once we hit critical mass, the majority of the class is up and begging for more math.
I love that. I absolutely love that. I truly believe more learning takes place in those moments than ever. It sounds like choas on the outside or a class out of control, which may be true, but it is all good inside. Better than ever in my opinion.
It makes my job so much fun.
I need to plan well. I need to assess effectively. I do need to collect and use data. I get it. But that isn't why I am doing this.
For me, it is about my time in that room with those students going crazy over Math or the book I am reading aloud. It is intoxicating.
“Education is not preparation for life, education is life itself.” - John Dewey
From the point of view of someone on the inside who has been in education for over 15 years, it feels as though the wrong things are emphasized, the time, energy and money is not being spent efficiently or effectively, more is expected with less support given while the support was minimal in the first place.
It is difficult to argue or to defend our position as educators because it looks selfish on the surface. The issues surrounding education keep getting simplified to a point that distort the reality.
Teaching and learning go hand in hand.
Maybe I should write it this way: Good teaching and good learning go hand in hand.
Teachers try to make the learning experience better but it is often mistaken for making the teaching experience better and therefore, appears selfish and not in the students' best interest. When in fact, since the two are so closely linked, better teaching experience leads to better learning experience and vice versa.
Therefore, stripping resources from the teaching only hurts the learning. Stripping resources from the learning only hurts the teaching.
I think of when I go to Subway. I order a sandwich and then pick and choose what items they add to the meat and cheese. There isn't a standardized amount I get of each item. It varies depending on the person behind the counter. For example, one girl always drowns my sandwich in lettuce and another puts just the right amount. I bet there is a Subway somewhere that would put very little. They also do not record how much or what I specifically get. They track my purchases with that rewards card, but not the items on the sandwich.
What if tracking that data helped maximize profits by informing them how much to buy or have in stock? That would extend my stay in line. Customer service would be sacrificed. They would need to hire more help to keep things moving. My time in line plays a large role in whether I frequent their business.
In education, we are doing this. We are collecting more and more data. On the surface it looks good. It helps drive our instruction and know what the students need and helps maximize what we teach. We can't argue against it or we look lazy like we don't want to do more work and we have summers off so who are we to complain?
But what isn't being talked about or understood is that our "customer service" or teaching actually is compromised. Less time is able to be spent on actual instruction so that this data collection takes place. It defeats the purpose.
Extra help isn't hired and more success is expected. It is like that Subway worker having to spend more time typing in items in the computer but being expected to serve the customers in the less time in order to improve customer satisfaction without any extra help.
So why am I still doing this?
Why am I staying in this profession that is vastly different than when I started, which was already changing from how the generation before me was teaching and not necessarily all for the better?
I didn't do this to crunch data. I would have and could have gone into accounting. I am perfectly capable of doing that. Most teachers I know are intelligent, hard workers that could be working in professions that pay more and do so successfully.
But we all chose to do this instead.
Why?
For me, that reason happened a couple weeks ago. It wasn't happening at all this year before that class on that Friday afternoon. I enjoyed it frequently last year and the year before. But not this year.
It wasn't a glowing moment of an old student returning. It wasn't some award. It wasn't a compliment from a parent. It wasn't a great evaluation from my boss.
It had nothing to do with data or tests or grades or planning or recess or any of that.
It was the kids.
The one thing that keeps me there year after year is the students.
They can be frustrating, cause me to lose hair and years off my life.
But they also contribute to the unspoken, indescribable feeling we get all get when that invisible learning happens.
I suppose I can describe it and it is visible in an abstract way, but not directly.
I love Math. I love making the students figure "big boy" and "big girl" Math on their own.That Friday and several times since, I have found myself getting lost in the lesson. I blocked out all that is happening outside my room without realizing it.
It is difficult to articulate.
But when this happens, my excitement becomes contagious. I see it in the students' eyes and that energizes me. Suddenly, other students who were slumped over start to slowly perk up. I see them start to rise out of their seats and even stand.
I don't stop them.
Several students start to blurt out answers, ideas and even extending questions and I don't stop them.
This doesn't happen often. But it happens.
I swear you can see light bulbs hover above their heads.
This feeling begins to spread. You can see it. Positive peer pressure kicks in at this point and this is where it thrives.
Students actually WANT to be part of the excitement around the room. It is more engaging than anything else I have tried.
Math becomes fun without any bells and whistles, just emotion. They see my excitement and then other students' excitement and once we hit critical mass, the majority of the class is up and begging for more math.
I love that. I absolutely love that. I truly believe more learning takes place in those moments than ever. It sounds like choas on the outside or a class out of control, which may be true, but it is all good inside. Better than ever in my opinion.
It makes my job so much fun.
I need to plan well. I need to assess effectively. I do need to collect and use data. I get it. But that isn't why I am doing this.
For me, it is about my time in that room with those students going crazy over Math or the book I am reading aloud. It is intoxicating.
“Education is not preparation for life, education is life itself.” - John Dewey
Friday, July 5, 2013
Enjoying The Present
A fellow educator has been posting a number of thought provoking things of late and one has motivated me to expand and share on the thoughts it provoked with me.
The post he shared was mostly about how the character one gains from winning or losing is more important than the result or the trophy, ribbon, medal and so on that you receive.
I feel much the same. The confidence you build, the relationships you build along the way, the lessons you may learn in what you did wrong and how to improve it or the success you had and how to repeat it are other valuable components to the experience that matter more than a trophy.
But my thoughts meandered somewhere else as they often do for me. I connected these thoughts to my own personal experiences that can be related.
Coincidentally, I just unpacked some trophies of mine and wanted to display them. I also unpacked a number of awards my daughter has earned through Special Olympics and at school.
They have been boxed up for a long time. I lived all those years just fine without them. Why did I feel the need to display them?
For my daughter, it was a matter of demonstrating my pride in her. I felt it was important that she had an opportunity to feel proud of herself and see her father was proud and valued that pride enough to want to display her successes and accomplishments.
For now, let's compartmentalize that and put it aside as another topic regarding parenting.
Why did I feel the need to display soccer, bowling and softball trophies with my other sports memorabilia? Who cares? Do I?
My initial answer is that I have always been stubborn about my feelings like I need to prove their validity by sticking with them through time even if I have moved on.
So naturally, I feel this need to validate the pride I felt years ago when my coach called me up in front of the team to present my trophy and complimented my constant hustle. If I let that go, then it never happened.
This is how I have handled many things in life. I get stuck in the past in an effort to validate it or prove I was right.
Does it matter though?
The object that is the trophy probably means little. The memory attached to it is the important part, I would say, assuming the character, confidence, relationships and other invisible traits or personal attributes that came from that experience are intact. Since the memory is worth something, and the trophy reminds me of that memory, than I guess the trophy is important in that respect.
But if we separated the memory and the object, the trophy, means little to me personally.
So if we are to assume I never lose the memory, would the memory in and of itself matter?
Let's say I forgot that season ever happened and I did not have that stubborn need to hang on to old feelings to validate them, would any of it matter?
Again, all the invisible traits and growth from the experience aside, if I lived without the memory and I didn't know I didn't have he memory, who cares?
Isn't the only negative part of forgetting is knowing you forgot it? Or the fear of forgetting something you currently remember?
If you didn't know you forgot the memory, then you would never feel the loss. Therefore, does it really matter?
It is not even the memory that is important anymore. You can live without it just fine. Losing that memory hurts. But not having it means nothing as long as the things you leanred from it are still there and part of you in that independent abstract form that you can't connect to the memory because it is a behavior or a trait or a habit.
This is one aspect f many things I have been thinking about as I unpack things that were once important and I expected to be important now but, really, are not. At first, there is a feeling of loss. Then a feeling of liberation. Being able to let go of some stuff realizing it isn't as important as the stuff happening right now was refreshing. Difficult but refreshing.
It is hard to let go without feeling like I am betraying myself. My old self. Letting the positive memories and attributes of my past go is like letting them die.
But why? And why does it matter now if they do?
It doesn't. Not those objects anyway.
I think of the numerous things I have read lately about living in the present. This is a concept my Father tried to convey to me several years ago as he was learning to do so and wanted to share with me.
Letting go of the past and avoiding the worry of the future is a big step towards living a better life in this way of thinking. It seemed like a lot at the time, but I am now appreciating it more.
It is interesting how this theme runs through numerous philosophies and religions and cultures. I keep hearing, reading or finding it or variations of it. That must mean something.
Naturally, this brings me to a topic I think of frequently: the afterlife.
If one doesn't know of the afterlife, does it matter?
If there is no afterlife, will it matter when we die and we are unaware because we are, dead?
The only time it matters is in the "life" and since we are presently in our life, the presence of life after death or lack thereof means nothing right now. It will only matter when it happens and if it doesn't happen, it won't matter bcause not only will we not experience the afterlife, we won't experience NOT having life after death.
Like realizing it is knowing the loss that matters and not the loss itself, releasing yourself from knowing the loss minimizes the pain of losing if not eliminates it.
The post he shared was mostly about how the character one gains from winning or losing is more important than the result or the trophy, ribbon, medal and so on that you receive.
I feel much the same. The confidence you build, the relationships you build along the way, the lessons you may learn in what you did wrong and how to improve it or the success you had and how to repeat it are other valuable components to the experience that matter more than a trophy.
But my thoughts meandered somewhere else as they often do for me. I connected these thoughts to my own personal experiences that can be related.
Coincidentally, I just unpacked some trophies of mine and wanted to display them. I also unpacked a number of awards my daughter has earned through Special Olympics and at school.
They have been boxed up for a long time. I lived all those years just fine without them. Why did I feel the need to display them?
For my daughter, it was a matter of demonstrating my pride in her. I felt it was important that she had an opportunity to feel proud of herself and see her father was proud and valued that pride enough to want to display her successes and accomplishments.
For now, let's compartmentalize that and put it aside as another topic regarding parenting.
Why did I feel the need to display soccer, bowling and softball trophies with my other sports memorabilia? Who cares? Do I?
My initial answer is that I have always been stubborn about my feelings like I need to prove their validity by sticking with them through time even if I have moved on.
So naturally, I feel this need to validate the pride I felt years ago when my coach called me up in front of the team to present my trophy and complimented my constant hustle. If I let that go, then it never happened.
This is how I have handled many things in life. I get stuck in the past in an effort to validate it or prove I was right.
Does it matter though?
The object that is the trophy probably means little. The memory attached to it is the important part, I would say, assuming the character, confidence, relationships and other invisible traits or personal attributes that came from that experience are intact. Since the memory is worth something, and the trophy reminds me of that memory, than I guess the trophy is important in that respect.
But if we separated the memory and the object, the trophy, means little to me personally.
So if we are to assume I never lose the memory, would the memory in and of itself matter?
Let's say I forgot that season ever happened and I did not have that stubborn need to hang on to old feelings to validate them, would any of it matter?
Again, all the invisible traits and growth from the experience aside, if I lived without the memory and I didn't know I didn't have he memory, who cares?
Isn't the only negative part of forgetting is knowing you forgot it? Or the fear of forgetting something you currently remember?
If you didn't know you forgot the memory, then you would never feel the loss. Therefore, does it really matter?
It is not even the memory that is important anymore. You can live without it just fine. Losing that memory hurts. But not having it means nothing as long as the things you leanred from it are still there and part of you in that independent abstract form that you can't connect to the memory because it is a behavior or a trait or a habit.
This is one aspect f many things I have been thinking about as I unpack things that were once important and I expected to be important now but, really, are not. At first, there is a feeling of loss. Then a feeling of liberation. Being able to let go of some stuff realizing it isn't as important as the stuff happening right now was refreshing. Difficult but refreshing.
It is hard to let go without feeling like I am betraying myself. My old self. Letting the positive memories and attributes of my past go is like letting them die.
But why? And why does it matter now if they do?
It doesn't. Not those objects anyway.
I think of the numerous things I have read lately about living in the present. This is a concept my Father tried to convey to me several years ago as he was learning to do so and wanted to share with me.
Letting go of the past and avoiding the worry of the future is a big step towards living a better life in this way of thinking. It seemed like a lot at the time, but I am now appreciating it more.
It is interesting how this theme runs through numerous philosophies and religions and cultures. I keep hearing, reading or finding it or variations of it. That must mean something.
Naturally, this brings me to a topic I think of frequently: the afterlife.
If one doesn't know of the afterlife, does it matter?
If there is no afterlife, will it matter when we die and we are unaware because we are, dead?
The only time it matters is in the "life" and since we are presently in our life, the presence of life after death or lack thereof means nothing right now. It will only matter when it happens and if it doesn't happen, it won't matter bcause not only will we not experience the afterlife, we won't experience NOT having life after death.
Like realizing it is knowing the loss that matters and not the loss itself, releasing yourself from knowing the loss minimizes the pain of losing if not eliminates it.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
New Title
The blog has a new title.
What was once named "Huey" because it was a blog about me and my experiences to share with anyone interested, is now "A Diary Of Lost In Between."
It comes from a song called, "Knifeman" by The Bronx. The lyric is technically, "this is a diary of life in between," but I didn't want to totally rip them off. Plus, "lost" gives it a feeling of the unknown which is the direction I wanted to go in.
It comes from a song called, "Knifeman" by The Bronx. The lyric is technically, "this is a diary of life in between," but I didn't want to totally rip them off. Plus, "lost" gives it a feeling of the unknown which is the direction I wanted to go in.
It still may be about Huey, but the essence of the blog, "Huey," is the idea that I'm "lost in between." And the blog is about being there...in between. Lost. Not really knowing.
So while I continue to post about the questions I constantly ask myself, it will become obvious that I am not sure where it is I stand on much of anything and often change.
The best part, in my opinion, is that those of you who know me may even disagree with this title. I may be more aware of where I am than the majority of you. Sometimes I feel this is the case. And this is the not so hidden objective of the blog: to get you to think of your opinion and stance and hopefully spark dialogue either on this forum or, as it usually goes, face to face when we interact together.
Enjoy.
Or don't.
But I hope you tell me either way.
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