Looking Back at Linden

My 11-year era at Linden will come to an end this June. After I made it official, I needed to inform my principal that I was leaving. Her reaction was expectantly surprised.

She made a formal announcement to the rest of the staff that I and two other colleagues would not be returning. This would allow the staff to be aware of the openings for the next school year. I had to leave the meeting early to pick up my daughter so I missed the reactions of the staff.

This was probably a good thing as uncomfortable as it would have been.

In all honesty, I didn't anticipate many of the teachers would have more than a superficial eyebrow raise at the announcement.

I doubt there was much more than that.

But the next morning I was approached by a number of staff with whom I worked for the majority of my 11 year run and received numerous heart warming comments and laughs.

There was one encounter I was most interested in experiencing. It was the moment that I would have to approach my teammate Deb Yetts.

And here my egocentric post ends and I begin to focus on this amazing teacher and how fortunate I have been to work with her. I have bragged profusely about her in past posts. Here we go again:

I was not looking forward to telling her I was not going to return. I felt like I was selling her out. I felt like I owe her more than that. It was like I was abandoning a teammate.

We have worked together eight or nine of my 11 years at Linden. I planned on writing that I have learned so much from her but I think it is more accurate to say I learned so much with her.

We were truly a team. Our chemistry was remarkable.

We gave and received with each other. While we played up our similar competitive tendencies, we never really competed with each other in a harmful, degrading manner. We understood the better the other did, the better we did.

She always had her head on straight and priorities right. It was always about the kids and what mattered most to increase their ability to achieve.

She was never afraid of work or leading the way. She always complimented and valued other people's suggestions and ideas, especially mine. She made me feel as though I was an important contributor to all we did as a grade level. This has been extremely motivating for me.

We took pride in our style and camaraderie. We brought our own strengths to the table, shared them and respected them. We maintained a safe, professional relationship that allowed admission of our shortcomings and freedom to seek assistance to compensate for them.

Because, once again, it wasn't about us and our prestige. It was about student achievement.

I could continue with examples of the amazing way she works her magic in her classroom or the energy she teaches with. She had a way of bringing our discussions,plans and ideas to life in a way I wanted to imitate.

But she was so humble and never ceased to mention that she got many of her ideas from me.

That meant an immeasurable amount to me.

"Less is more, Mr Huey" she'd say.

This was our motto when we wanted to remind ourselves to focus on what counts.

I'm going to miss Ms. Yetts. I admire her greatly.

When the moment of truth finally came and we talked about my upcoming departure, it was very difficult not to get emotional.

Once again, she showered me with praise responding to every compliment I directed toward her with a equal or greater compliment back.

I hope she understood how much I respect her and meant what I said about how meaningful my professional relationship with her has been.

I'm immensely grateful I was fortunate enough to teach with her. I am sure I am a better educator today than the day before I met her because of her.

She may have come in my room asking "What would Huey do?" But I will be asking myself repeatedly, "What would Yetts do?" for the rest of my career.

Tigger v. Eeyore

After witnessing another loss for my Cleveland Indians, I rode back to Columbus with a friend of mine and his friend. The conversation was pleasant and rather diverse. At one point my friend referenced Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnegie Mellon who became famous for his "Last Lecture." He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and took the opportunity before he died to write a book and speak to a number of audiences about fulfilling dreams.

My friend referenced him as part of our conversation about attitude and mood. He mentioned that Pausch often used analogies to describe his points. One analogy my friend brought up was whether somebody is a "Tigger" or "Eeyore." The Tiggers of the world are optimists and the Eeyores are pessimists. So what is your outlook on life?

When I arrived home, my wife and I found ourselves watching TLC and Micheal J. Fox's show discussing why optimists are optimists and pessimists are pessimists. He was searching to find out if there was a gene that made him optimistic. A "happy gene" is what he named it.

After reading "The Celestine Prophecy" by James Redfield awhile back I have become more and more convinced that coincidences can have meaning if they don't have meaning already.

So since the meaning I am going to take from these two moments about outlook is going to be that I need to refocus my efforts to be more positive and optimistic, I am going to take a page out of the book of my wife and write another gratitude list. She believes it is good to tackle those moments in which you want to throw a pity party or when you feel like you are drowning in self-pity with gratitude lists.

I see so many people out there living lives much more difficult than mine. They demonstrate a strength I would not be able to maintain. I am very lucky and want to acknowledge it.

First, I am grateful my daughter's health has required me to do things I didn't think I would do. I question whether it has made me stronger or has exposed my weaknesses more often than not. But I know it has forced me to be more responsible than I was at any time prior to the discovery of her disorder. I do take pride in the way I have handled it overall despite minor mistakes along the way.

Secondly, I am grateful that I have handled my relationship with my oldest daughter's mother in a mature manner. It could have been easy to allow things to get ugly. But I promised myself (and my daughter even though she never understood) that I would truly keep my daughter's best interests first and ahead of mine. Instead of allowing my emotions to affect my decisions, I am grateful that I have stood by this goal significantly more often than not. I feel my daughter has been fortunate to grow up without her parents bickering or placing her in uncomfortable situations. I am grateful I have done this despite the fact that it has been difficult.

I am grateful I have managed to teach in an urban setting for 11 years. Burnout claims the best of us who teach in areas where the challenges greatly outnumber the perks. The stress is enormous and then people on the outside speak to you as though they know about our profession and belittle it. The same profession that drains every bit of energy and emotion from you is spoken about as though it is a cakewalk and we are weak for feeling the way we do. But I have managed to progress through more than a decade despite these seemingly insurmountable obstacles. My life span has probably decreased 11 years in the process but I can be proud of the mental and emotion strength and heart I must have to continue.

I am grateful I have a second child in this world. I dealt with a good bit of disappointment along the road to her birth. Everyday I wake up and go to bed worried that something will go wrong with her. I am grateful that I sit here writing this knowing the first two months have been very good. She is a beautiful blessing to behold.

I am grateful that I have a loving and supportive family that takes many of my shortcomings in stride. I am grateful that my father never allows my immaturity to ruin our relationship. Sometimes I treat him like a punching bag but he continues to show his own inner fortitude as he comes back for more every time.

I am grateful I have a job with a consistent paycheck and a house to live in. I have a computer with internet so I can play on Facebook, in my fantasy leagues or blog. I can afford to play in several softball leagues and meet with friends to watch games. I am grateful that someday I will be able to sell this house but right now I don't have to sell it. I am grateful that while I still have a good bit of debt in front of me, it is getting paid off.

There.

I took some major stresses in my life and instead of wallowing beneath them with my sorrow and self-pity, I spun them to positives.

The wife would be proud. Maybe I can be a Tigger this time.

Not So High Aspirations

There is this song by Nickleback, a band I can't stand, that keeps getting played at seemingly every place I go. I finally gave in and listened to it. The lyrics repeatedly described the lifestyle of a "rock star" and I continuously heard how the singer supposedly thought we all want to be a rock star.

I'll admit there are days I have dreamed of living that life. Other times I have fantasized of being an athletic superstar, preferably on the football field. Finally, like everyone I have speculated about what I would do if I won the lottery and suddenly became rich.

So, as I heard this guy wax poetic about easy women, cheap drugs, the best bars, hanging out with movie stars (catch that rhyme there?), plenty of money and on and on, I thought to myself how in all honesty, that is NOT the life I'd be happiest living.

Of course I'd love to be popular. Rocking out on stage and feeling the power of the sound behind would be awesome. The party lifestyle would even be fun for awhile or until the hangovers and morning afters got old. The toys that come with all the riches of rock star status would be sweet too.

In the end though, my aspirations are much milder. For me, happiness is much more simple. True, I'd like a ton of money, but this more to pay of debt than anything else. I like the idea of having things to want.

This goes against many of the Buddhist principles I have been gleaming about of late, but I find enjoyment in having to browse through Best Buy to pick a CD or two because I can't just buy every one I want. There is a certain amount of pleasure I get out of this.

I don't want to be Tiger Woods or LeBron James and have everything I could possibly imagine. That would be boring.

But I really would like my debt paid off!

No, for me it is the simpler things that would make me happy.

I am perfectly satisfied with the opportunity to play softball a couple nights week. I would like to play basketball with my friends on a regular basis. Making it out to a ballgame from time to time is something I would appreciate. Watching my favorite teams play and win is important to me as well.

I enjoy coming home to hang out with my wife and kids. My daughter's laugh makes me happy. When she calls me "daddy" my heart rate increases in a good way. Taking a vacation to New England with my wife would be sweet. Having a comfortable house in a safe neighborhood near my friends and around sensible neighbors is pleasant. Grilling out on warm summer nights is always good.

Pulling a chair up to a bar and tossing back a couple cold ones with good friends is a happy occurrence for me. If a game is on at the same time, BONUS! If I'm tailgating before a game, that is even better!

Blogging away and knowing friends and family read with interest is appealing to me as well. Finding old friends and catching up with them on social networking sites brings a smile to my face.

I want trips to Dairy Queen to remain a treat. I'd hate to be "above" that.

There are plenty of other things I enjoy. I could probably work out some rhymes and catchy hooks and make a song out of these too.

But one thing is for sure, as much as those riches and parties and all that glory sounds enticing, the rest of that lifestyle wouldn't be worth it. I'd rather live the life I live now.

How I Met Your Mommy

Baby we are still over three months from my first opportunity to meet you. But I have been thinking a lot about you. Last night I thought I would write about how your mother and I met. Really, this meeting was the beginning of a long series of events that have led to your existence.

Even though we both grew up in northeast Ohio and watched the same local celebrities, followed the same local sports teams, rode on the same local highways and roads and dealt with the same weather when we were kids, your mom and I didn't meet until we were both students at Ohio State in Columbus. Ohio State runs in your blood, baby. Your uncle Doug, Grandpa Hoyt, Great Grandpa Matthews are all Buckeyes.

My roommate and a coworker needed players for an intra-mural softball team and as you will find out growing up, your daddy doesn't say no to playing softball. Your mommy lived on the same floor as my roommate's coworker and also chose to play. On a cloudy late March day with snow falling, your mom and I played catch to warm up before the game started.

In an effort to break the ice with your beautiful mother, I opened the conversation with the natural question of "Where are you from?" Once she responded, "Brecksville" I had my in. From there we discussed the disparity in radio quality between Cleveland and Columbus. Some may debate that quality radio is an oxymoron but that will have to wait for another post.

Baby, the chemistry that existed in that very new conversation was for real. Over the next months your mom and I played softball together on a weekly basis. The coming summer meant she would head home while I stayed in Columbus. Instead of losing touch with one another, a funny thing happened that summer. We continued to talk on the phone weekly. We shared what was going on in our lives and we even met up to hang out in Cleveland.

In the coming years baby, your mom and I took two very different paths. Even though lifestyles and locations seemed to differ greatly, sometimes a whole country apart, we never lost touch. There was a reason for this.

Baby, Mommy and I both hit moments in our lives where we needed some support. Not coincidentally your mother and I found each other. Our friendship quickly turned into a commitment that will span the rest of our lives. It has created a bond that has become stronger every passing day and every passing event both good and bad. It also created an opportunity for us to share you.

I look forward to meeting you face to face, baby. This day has been a long time coming.

Healthcare

I have a feeling it was "meant to be" that I write this post. I was thinking the other day about writing something in regards to universal healthcare. Then I read my cousin's note on facebook that ignited a rather heated debate with an extremely conservative, priestly colleague of his. My cousin, sister and I joined in this "conversation" regarding universal healthcare or socialized healthcare as this priest in training put it.

My original intention was to write about my observations and thoughts regarding a student of mine who has been out of school for a bit due to her sibling's recent health issue that is identical to what I have been through with my daughter. While I don't want to get into their private matters in a public post like this, I am certain they don't have the same insurance that I am lucky enough to have. But for the sake of discussion, let us just say that there are families in their position who are not insured because we know there are. So here I go in a stream of consciousness style of writing because I have very little substance to share.

How do families liek the one I spoke of above pay for the care they need? I recall being in that very same position in terms of health and all the emotions and thoughts running through my head WITH insurance. No matter how scared I was, I knew my daughter would receive care and I could afford my portion. Despite that I was stressed out and almost in a panic. This poor family. These poor families that must experience that, or worse, and not know where the money is going to come from.

I am speaking from ignorance, but do they even receive the same service? Do they get shortchanged because the doctors and nurses know they can't pay for it? Is this ethical or common? Is this where medicare or medicaid come in?

I realize this post isn't giving answers or opinions as much as asking questions. This is where I am with this right now. I feel horrible for this family and others families like them. Thinking about this makes me think we need to find some way to create viable healthcare for all. But I have no idea where to begin.

There is still part of me that gets frustrated when my tax money meant to help people like these in situations like these gets abused by these people. Or gets abused by the government in charge of passing it out appropriately. So I don't know exactly where I stand. I get tired of standing behind people in line at the corner grocery store across from my school watching them use food stamps ad then using cash to buy 40 ounce malt liquor and cigarettes. Or the food they buy is doughnuts and chips and other junk food. I am not speaking in stereotypes, this is what I see frequently. Am I wrong to judge like this?

Boy oh boy, just looking back on my experience in the healthcare system makes me count my blessings for how lucky I am.

Power of Words

Today marked a perfect example of how the things people say to me can take me from one extreme emotion to the other. I bet it has more to do with my weak inner fortitude, oversensitivity or codependent personality. I should care far less than I do about what people say to me, but the facts are, the reality is, I do care. It bothers me. It makes me feel estactic. It makes my day and it ruins my day. You know how coaches say their teams shouldn't get too high after a win or too low after a loss? I am the antithesis to that to my own dismay.

Here is my example:

I open the day like any other day dropping off my daughter at school and heading to my place of employment to hack out another day trying to educate our youth. Usually, it means more of listening to a barrage of disrespectful responses and dealing with complete apathy. Anyway, a colleague comes to me in the hallway to "thank" me. Thaaaaaaaank me. I sigh, knowing what was about to come. Apparently he felt bad about his class' test scores from last year as they were not showing the kind of results he wanted for his Master's project. But after he look at my and another colleague's class scores, he didn't feel so bad. So he thanked me for basically failing worse than he did. What am I supposed to say to that? I felt like crap. I already deal with enough feelings of failure at my job, another blow to the head from him doesn't help.

This comes after I consistently speak up in his and other's defense at grade level meetings with the principal. I huddle my team in the morning to pump each other up after compliments or evidence of something going well. I include his condescending rear end in that too. I overlook his shortcomings because quite honestly, we all have some. So I was pretty down and angry. Fortunately (????) for me, I had a class full of rowdy kids coming who quickly get my mind off of everything that takes place outside the classroom doors. So no sooner did I process what just went down did I focus on something else.

After another exhausting day, I was preparing for next weeks lessons when I ran into another colleague who asked me how my daughter was doing. My daughter is well known at my school from her frequent visits and her attendance last year. She was hard NOT to notice for reasons I'll choose to avoid this time. I love talking about her and I think it is noticeable because everybody asks me how she is doing out of kindness and small talk if not genuine interest. My colleague proceeded to speak very highly of my girl which felt nice but it led to more talk about special education. This colleague is currently pursuing a degree in special education. With a daughter in special education, not to mention a wife who teaches it, I have read a ton of stuff regarding it, talked to a number of people about it, and experienced a ton of it from the parental angle over the past 6 years.

It was a good discussion. Coincidentally, another colleague who I have worked with for a decade now was just around the corner and overheard the whole conversation. She, too, has a background in special education. This is a woman I wanted to compliment earlier in the day about how open she is to other teacher's ideas and strategies. She has no ego. But she was with a close companion to the degrading, hurtful colleague at the time and I decided to pass. Well after missing my opportunity to pay her a compliment I felt she deserved, she took a minute to praise me for how much I knew about special education. She said I pretty much hit the nail on the head and she could tell by the words I used that I knew what I was talking about.

That felt good. That felt damn good!

So I went from one extreme to another today. I really need to learn to even things out.

Long Overdue

For Father's Day back in June, I wrote a blogpost dedicated to my Father. A month before that, Mother's Day came and went with no fanfare on my blog. Then, as if an intentional slap in the face, her birthday came and went at the end of the month of June with, again, no fanfare. So today I write a belated post dedicated to my mom.

First off, I should make it public that my mother is the most intelligent woman I know. She is very schooled in religious theology (two degrees and an ordained minister) and never pushes her religious views on anyone in the way so many other theological scholars who I have crossed paths with have in the past. Nine years of Catholic schools impose a good bit of Christian, Biblical propaganda on a child. So I have a lot of respect for what she says even as I drift away from Christianity.

I am not the only one who has such high regard for her knowledge. Every time I would visit her church I would be inundated with people showering her with praise. Her effect on the parishioners (is that a Catholic word or does it fit here?) was positive, impacting and broad. That was always very obvious. Just the other day I heard she has quite a following on the Internet with her writings. It is to the point that she is overwhelmed by the response.

This leads me to the next point. I have to give her credit for leading me into education as a profession. To be more specific, education in the city. I never intended to teach because I felt it was an easy job. I didn't pick the career to have summers off, although I am a huge fan of that aspect. I never planned to teach in the suburbs, although now they look awfully enticing. My original intention to go into teaching as opposed to business or journalism or broadcasting was because I wanted to make a true, important, positive difference. My mother was the one who suggested teaching as the most effective way to do this. Then she left it at that.

There is a lot of my mom in me. The urge to "save the world" is just one trait. Even my passionate, intense allegiance to my teams and overreacting to the games come from her. One of my earliest memories of spectating sports is hearing my mom lose her mind over the Browns losing. She was terribly upset and ripped a poster to pieces over it. It may have been the Ahmad Rashad catch when he was with the Vikings in the early 80s. But I have this faint memory that it was against the Eagles so I am not sure. Maybe those were two separate events. But regardless, this same event was replicated several years later as my dad, brother and I returned home from John Carroll University where she was earning her Master's degree at the time, after hearing Micheal Jordan hit "The Shot" to begin a nightmarish string of playoff knockouts from the Bulls. My knee jerk response? Rip the Micheal Jordan poster my "girlfriend" gave to me into tiny pieces!?? Like mother, like son I suppose.

I find myself following in her footsteps with her passionate idealism as well. She has numerous causes she believes in like human rights regardless of color, ethnicity, social economic status, sexual preference, gender, religion and more. Although I may not go as far in her direction, I respect her stance on the use of Chief Wahoo on Cleveland Indian merchandise. That is one example of many. She will stand up for what she believes in and I admire her for that.

My mother is also very cognisant of her children's feelings and needs. She is quick to help almost to a fault. She has bailed me out of potential financial problems, she has come down to Columbus to support in times of need, she has put aside her own plans to help with her granddaughter, she has bent over backwards to create or provide enjoyable experiences in numerous different ways by donating dollars, time, references, babysitting, advice or ideas. She is a very giving, generous person. A perfect example is how she spent her birthday this year....with my family helping us through a time of need. She put us before herself.

My mom has had to deal with her own challenges in life and has been able to do so with such grace. Just like this blog, people pass her over by in favor of someone or something else. But she keeps on trucking. She provides a great example of how one proceeds through their life trying to do things the right way. I find myself trying very hard to do the next right thing and this comes from my mother.

She is very supportive of my endeavors and ideas like this blog for example. A dedicated reader, she is always so positive about everything I write and how I write it. This is consistent with how she is towards almost everything I do or say. Many times I feel as though it is over the top and I wonder when reality is going to kick in and I get her true point of view, but I suppose this is what makes her so good. If you are going to err on the side of something with your kids, why not err on the side of being too positive instead of too negative. Or not positive enough.

So mom......here's to you! Happy Mother's Day and Happy Birthday!

Grieving

I remember learning long ago in my psych 101 courses in college and books I read later that when one encounters a traumatic life event they need to go through a process of 5 steps to properly handle it. These steps begin with Shock/Denial and proceed to Anger, Questioning, Sadness or Depression and finally Acceptance. I also remember Bargaining as a step but the basic premise remains with or without it.

Many people don't allow themselves to process through all the steps or to experience some of them fully. Others may get too caught up in a particular step and become obsessed or fixiated. When this happens the harmful effects can last awhile and intrude other parts and people in their lives.

It is good to experience all of them even anger and sadness. I recall stating this at my grandmother's funeral as I spoke during the ceremony. I said the experience was good. I meant that. I meant that the experience we all were sharing was a good one. We were crying, sharing memories and positive attributes about B and creating an energy together progressing through the 5 steps. I vividly recall the feelings of acceptance I had as we left the next day.

While we generally progress through these steps in order, many times we regress back to a prior step before progressing to the next. Sometimes we may fall back several steps just to skip ahead several and vice versa. I find it comforting that regressing in the steps doesn't necessarily mean you are not working your way through the pain properly. I can easily relate to getting angry over things I thought I was accepting or questioning my way through.

The questioning stage can be a very spiritual period of grief. As you ask yourself "why me?" and "how can God let this happen?" you need to avoid the self blame but you find yourself thinking about the after-life, pain and suffering to a point that hopefully progresses you to a place you are trying to get to or strengthening a place where you already are. But once again, getting fixiated on this step may cause more damage than healing.

To those who read this, try to remember during times of hardship that is it ok to feel these five stages. In fact, it is recommended to "do your time" in each stage to help you heal appropriately. Life goes on and so should you.

Time for me to practice what I preach.......

Father's Day

I have blogged about being a Father, which I take very seriously as you have noticed. I am very proud of being a Father. Today, in honor of Father's Day, I would like to pay tribute to my Father who has been my model for Fatherhood and how I try raise my daughter and child to be.


My Dad has taught me as much as any Father. He has shown me how to be a man, husband, son, neighbor, friend, trusted set of ears, shoulder to cry on, financial advisor, emotional supporter, teacher, coach and good person.

I want to share with you how much respect and love I have for my Dad through several stories from my life that highlight his best qualities.

Money
Growing up he would give us an allowance every Friday regardless of whether we did our chores or not. I remember thinking that we were getting away with highway robbery but later found out that his goal was not so much to get us to do chores, (I think he was pretty lax in that department but also figured we should do that regardless of allowance) but to teach us to handle money appropriately. By giving us a "ration" each week and then holding us to it when we wanted to buy that candy bar staring at us waiting in line at the store, we were forced with the decision of how important that treat was to us. Through those experiences we learned the scarcity of money. It also probably got us off his back when we were at the store by getting us to quit begging him for stuff which can be awfully annoying for a parent (or teacher).

Education
I also remember how much emphasis he put on grades. He was of the belief that all three of us were more than capable of getting all A's and we were. He knew the gene pool we came from and it was unlikely two extremely intelligent people like my parents would have offspring that just could not get A's. But he also knew that A's took work. So as we grew older and our friends were dealing with authoritative parents trying to keep them out of trouble, Dad would continue to point to the grades as an indicator of our behavior and prospects of success later in life.

I understand this method could be debated and wouldn't work for every kid, but that was the greatness of my Father. He knew his kids. He knew this method would work with us. He let alot of things go, but he didn't give an inch on grades. I never got that feel good "atta boy, son!" for a B. Shoot, even A's were treated as expected. When I faltered in college, he immediately lit a fire under my butt that propelled me to the A's I should have earned long before. As grown adults, my brother and sister and I have managed to get where we are now rather successfully albeit totally different places (i.e. teaching, business and entertainment), in large part due to our education.

I am grateful he did this because even though I didn't consistently get the 4.0 that my siblings did (for reasons that can be blogged about later), it was a tangible motivator for me that instilled this value for education and success later in college.

Being the Better Person
My Dad has been a model for me in numerous facets of life. One way is the grace, maturity and compassion that he handled the divorce with my mom. It couldn't have been an easy thing for him to deal with, yet he was so supportive, understanding and caring through the whole thing. The way he continues to handle his relationship with my mother is admirable. Instead of being bitter and resentful, he has shown how humans should treat each other keeping an eye on what really is important. He continues to support her as she does him. He made sure things were done for the best of all parties involved. Obviously, no one can say it was an easy transition, but it could have been so much worse.

As I have dealt with divorce myself, I have tried to be the same way. Now that I am "in his shoes," I appreciate just how mature and strong he has been with the whole thing. It is such a slippery slope into those negative feelings of anger, self-pity and bitterness. But from my point of view, he never came close. To this day he defends my mother's side and never complains.

Definition of Strength
If you have been reading this blog or know me personally, you have probably noticed that I don't fall into that stereotypical "manly man" category. My Dad taught me through example that strength is much more broad than muscles and ability to hold in your emotions. I can credit my mom for wearing my heart on my sleeve, but my Dad showed me that sometimes that is ok. He welcomed the opportunity to allow me to cry on his shoulder. I still remember leaving a mark on the shoulder of his nice shirt after church or some dress up event one day in the living room sitting on the piano bench. He wasn't the least bit bothered by it. He was quick to give me a hug if I looked distraught. He also was willing to be the one to give in when we argued to make peace....even though I was obviously out of line.

He showed me strength wasn't always being the "man," but being the better man. Sometimes justice wasn't as important as peace. Doing what is right is more important than winning. I am not sure he directly told me this, but showed me it through his actions.

Financial Advisor
As I entered adulthood and began buying cars and houses and insurance and making decisions about retirement and so on, I would call Dad (and will continue to do so) before I'd pull the trigger on anything. Before I knew it, he would come calling with a spreadsheet and thorough explanation of all my options and their effects. Without him, who knows where I would be right now.

Support System
During any time of need my Dad has been there in anyway I needed at the drop of a hat. When my daughter was in the hospital, he never hesitated to pack his emergency bag, tie up his loose end responsibilities and drive down I-71 to be there with me. Whether it meant standing by my side with a hand on my shoulder, providing me with that shoulder again to cry on, take notes of what the doctors were saying, asking questions I couldn't get out in the midst of my mind running a million miles a second, going home to make sure my house is ok or to get me a change of clothes, running down to pay for more time parking or move the car to the garage, finding the vending machines, looking for times the cafeteria would be open, calling other family members and the list goes on, he would be there to do it all and more.

I remembered this last month when my grandmother, his mother passed away. My knee-jerk reaction was, "I gotta get up there to be with him." It must have been instinct because I was programmed that way from my experience on the other side.


And I can't end this section without mentioning his undying support of his mother as she progressed through Alzheimer's. Again, a tough, tough situation to handle yet he dealt with it with such grace and love. He visited her everyday and advocated for her 100% for 100% of the time. She was able to live a comfortable and pleasant life to the end because of his unending support and care.

Mr. Fix-it
Oh yes, Dad couldn't fix much. Paying somebody else to fix it was the best solution. I think his favorite tool was the pen. A pen to write the check. I am my Father's son!
Sports
I can't end this post without mentioning one of my favorite memories of my Dad. While he never was the type of Father to push me into sports or expect me to be this great athlete, he was such a great fan. I played so many years of soccer and a number of years playing city league baseball and softball in my childhood but nothing stands out as much as my dad standing on the sidelines away from the other parents cheering me on and yelling encouragement from the sidelines. Whether it was screaming to back up another defender or yelling the name of an open teammate to pass the ball to, he was so into it and I loved every minute of it. Finally, I loved the numerous driveway basketball games or frontyard football games that he would play with us. He was always the dad that got out there with us and played along....even now, bowling with is granddaughter.


That's my awesome Dad. I'm trying to be the same kind of Dad to my kids because of his awesomeness.

I am very lucky...

You have read me wax on about my Huey Karma. If you know me, you have heard me talk pessimistically about things in my life. I mentioned in the past I have had horrible luck when things go wrong inexplicably. My parents have spun it another way by stating how it could be considered good luck because these "bad" things could have easily been much worse. Plus, there are many people in the world with situations or events MUCH worse.

Agreed.

But I feel I am lucky for other reasons as well. I met a woman 12 years ago that has proven my good fortune. It was a chance meeting playing on the same coed softball team at Ohio State. Common conversation led to some common ground. Thus began a friendship that meandered through a number of different periods. We both followed different paths over the next decade never straying too far from one another to lose touch. But never able to get too close due to our other relationships.

Over the following decade we lived in different states. We would go months without talking. We lived contrasting lifestyles. I was married. I had a kid. But something kept us in contact with one another. Sometimes it would not be a conscious or tangible connection. We just never let go of each other's email or phone number. Even with no emails or calls to one another, we kept them.....just in case I suppose.

Then when our friendship was probably at its most minimal in terms of communication, I found myself in need of her without really realizing this specifically. We just so happened to find each other again. As luck would have it, She was one who could best help me in this time of need. A simple voicemail to touch base turned into daily emails and intentional visits.

So at precisely the same time, we reached low points in our lives. Then we just so happened to be back to hanging out and talking regularly like the first summer we knew each other. Coincidence? Luck? In my case I had many loving people rally behind me during my low point. That alone shows the good fortune I have. I have had some wonderful relationships in my life. My family, my friends, my work colleagues, they all supported me in their own unique ways and helped make a difficult time for me rather easy. My friend also found a support system that has helped her. But the person who ended up playing the largest role for me was this friend working through her own difficulty.

Now this woman is my wife. She has gone from a good friend to more of an acquantice to my closest, most trusted relationship. She has been a tremendous role model to my daughter. She has been so loving and understanding of me. She tries so hard to be the best she can be taking it one day at a time. She has dealt with all my character defects and numerous stresses that come with entering a relationship with someone who already has a child in stride, with eloquence I could never mimic.

I have so much respect for this angel. I love her with all my heart. I give her the best and worst of me and she takes it all. She motivates me and makes me a better person despite my resistance much of the time.

Somehow she sees something in me to go through so much and stay. She has dropped everything to move to Columbus with me. That is not easy. She is basically starting her whole life over down here. I am so appreciative of this. I couldn't bear moving away from my daughter. I can barely go overnight without seeing her when she is with her mom. My loving wife knows this and has allowed me this luxury. I am forever grateful. Now she shares this as she begins to love my daughter and build a wonderful relationhsip with her.


I am so lucky that at just the right time she and I reconnected. A year earlier, a year later and that would not have happened. Had we tried to take our friendship in another direction at any point in that decade we may never had had this opportunity. We would just be memories to each other. But that never happened.

That's some good karma.

Fruits of my Labor

I'd like to take this time to publicly congratulate Patrick Connell. He was a fourth grade student of mine during my first year at Linden Elementary. This June he will graduate from high school and move on to the next step in his life.

I am very pleased and honored to have been invited to his graduation. This has been a personal wish I have had since I began teaching. I keep telling my students when they leave my classroom in June to remember me when they graduate and send me an invite. I always promised I would attend. Honestly, I haven't expected to get many takers on my offer. But to really get one? I am truly thrilled. Despite my recent feelings of burned out, disenchanted frustration, I am sincerely excited to attend and support Pat.

More about Pat: He came in like any other fourth grader with more interest in recess or fun or anything other than math or reading. He had a great attitude and personality though. His mom was his driving force. She loved Patrick and wanted the best for him. She came in openly asking for any and all advice I could offer. She followed through with everything I threw at her. She valued his education. It is refreshing for me to write this and remember there are parents out there like her. With his mom's help and his own work, Pat progressed through fourth grade quite well and has successfully moved on through middle and high school.

I look forward to talk to Pat again after commencement and hear his plans. I look forward to listening to that 10 year boy as an 18 year old man speak of what contributions he plans to make. And even though I only played a role in one year of his education, I am going to take some personal pride in it. After all this is why I went into teaching.

And I am not going to allow myself to sit here and beat myself up about the countless other students that have passed through my classroom without receiving the same experience Pat received. Instead I am going to focus on the fact that Pat made it. He was a great kid. And there were plenty of other great kids that I anm sure have followed the same path as Pat and I am going to trust that that is true.

Congrats Pat! Fine job!!

Rest in Peace: Paris Westmoreland of the same class.

Mommy's Little Monster

I have to express my love for this album. Social Distortion's Mommy's Little Monster is a classic album that I have recently immersed myself in 1000 percent. I have been in a Social D bender for about two years now for some reason. Why it has taken me so long I do not know, but every album I listen to...I love. Mommy's Little Monster has to be the best overall.

Going in, I knew I would like several of the songs including, "The Creeps," "Another State of Mind," "Telling Them" and of course the title track, "Mommy's Little Monster." With this many songs already in my back pocket and knowing how much I enjoyed their live shows, I was very confident I would enjoy the album as a whole. My confidence was confirmed. "It Wasn't a Pretty Picture" jumped out at me with its driving bass line. "Moral Threat" is a track I find myself going back to time and time again.

This is an album I consider top five. I am ashamed that is has taken 26 years for me to finally realize it. Then again, I am rather pleased. It gives me hope. It is nice to know that I have not found all the music that I will love. Since it is difficult to count on new music to hit home like this album has for me, it is exciting to think that I still have older, established bands and albums and songs to explore.

Ode to the OG

Oh Olive Garden
How I love thee

With thy creamy alfredo sauce
And nice thick fettucine

Your warm sliced chicken breast
All mixed in

It makes such a wondeful dinner experience
My wonderful Olive Garden.

The endless supply of breadsticks
The yummy salad appetizer

The Italian Olive decor
The serenading Italian musac

I just can't get enough
I just can't get enough

My sweet, sweet tasty Olive Garden.

(And now it's off to Chipotle for lunch!)

Thank you!

I am currently reading a book called, "Do You Think What You Think You Think?" by Julian Baggini. It is a Philosophy for Dumbies type of book that is very fun, easy and interesting to read. Each chapter has a exercise that basically takes your philosophical temperature for a different basic general philosophical topic.

If you are interested in the exercises, check out: www.doyouthinkwhatyouthink.com

I want to share part of chapter 6 with you:
"One difficulty with encouraging philosophical self-examination is that many people miss the point of it. You question the reasons for believing God exists and they assume you are trying to convince them he doesn't. You question our capacity for rational thought and they assume you are trying to say they are stupid. You question the rational basis for taboo and they assume you're trying to overthrow them all and campaign for a nation in which incest, pedophilia and desecrating graves are the norm."

"It would be pointless to think the unthinkable if you never allowed for the possibility that the unthinkable might sometimes be true."

"......the main purpose of probing our ideas and values ever deeper is not to change them but to understand them." (Baggini, 105-106)

I include this quote because it articulates perfectly how I feel about many of my posts. I have wanted to do this for a long time. I have longed for these types of conversations. This blog has provided that.

I wanted to post a personal Thank You to Comoprozac, Nathan IV, Jenn (dailyliving), douglas, beam, sven, katejack, anonymous, any other commentators and future commentators!!!!!!!!!!!

You have given me a forum to express these thoughts and I appreciate it! I wish there was an easier way to display recent comments to old blogs to keep some of those old conversations going. I still am interested in people's opinions regarding morality, taboo, religion and so on. But while I seek this, keep reading and commenting.

This is a Community Post...You must add to the list!

I want to compile a list of awesome sports experiences. Let's relive some of our favorite memories, emotions, experiences.

I'll start it off:
Going to old Cleveland Municipal Stadium in the winter months for Browns games. I fondly remember walking out to the stands and looking at the field goal posts. Scanning the field as the players were warming up with their long sleeves on. Blowing into their hands because of the cold. I loved the passion of the fans and the noise of the crowd and screaming my lungs out for every play.

I had similar feelings walking into the same stadium on hot summer evenings or afternoons to watch the Tribe and its collection of scrub players that I still adored. I loved begging to God that we get a foul ball hit to us knowing that sitting in the general admission seats near the foul poles was the best place to get them.

Oh there are so many more....I will save them for my follow up comments.

So join in. Give us your moments. They can be live at the game or watching from tv. They can be personal like your high school state championship. Whatever. Just keep it sports related. We can share concert moments or job moments or whatever later.

A Posiblog!

In a blatant rip off of my sister-in-law's blog, I give you my antithesis to my "Bad Stuff" post. Here are the things in my life I am grateful for on Saturday, February 9th:

• My wife
• My daughter
• My parents
• My kick ass brother and sister
• Two sweet sister-in-laws
• The cutest nephews on the planet
• A job
• An opportunity to laugh at work everyday
• Mariokart with Ally and Vicki
• Sports
• Basketball on wednesdays
• The Cleveland Browns going 10-6
• My house
• Heat
• A car
• Friends who support and friends who keep me in check
• My sense of humor
• Co workers that I can get along with
• Bills are paid
• This whole blog thing (Thanks Zac and Jenn)
• The Cavs winning despite these endless injuries
• Upcoming NCAA Tourney
• Excitement of hitting up Las Vegas again this summer with Norm, Chris et al

Yep, and THAT's just the tip of the iceberg too!!!

Being a Better Person

Lately I have been trying to improve myself. I suppose I always have, but its been more prevalent of late. My wife is a driven woman and gets stuff done. I, on the other hand, have comfortably settled into a lazy state of being. It started in middle school allowing myself to settle for Bs in school so I could somehow (in my mind only) avoid being called a nerd. I still did. I began a pattern of laziness because I could and still get decent grades. I haven't been the same since turning into a underacheiver in many things. Being lazy is also so stinkin' easy!

So living with someone who actually DOES the things on the to do list has been getting in my head. I want to be more like that. I know better though. It can't happen overnight. So I am attempting little things. And easy things. I am trying to exercise more. Read more. Write more (hence, this blog). Drink more water (failing miserably). Spend more engaged time with my daughter. And I am trying to be more calm and positive.

I am really struggling with positivity. I naturally fall into a "poor me" drama anytime I encounter difficult things in life. I also am afraid to say anything positive about myself for fear of hearing how wrong I am and how much I suck. I am supersensitive to these things.

We all talk about things are hard to do but we must do them anyway, but man some things REALLY are. It is hard remarrying with a daughter from a previous marriage. It is hard everyday! It is hard breaking old habits. It is hard everyday! It is hard finding the beauty and love in things in the middle of January, with disrespectful people surrounding you at work. It is hard dealing with people who don't "get it" telling you what to do and how to do it despite the success you may have had before doing it another way. It is hard for me to listen and to trust that maybe I'm wrong. It is hard to see the other side and I try so very hard to do that. I really do.

It is very hard to hear you are wrong. Change is hard. Even change for the good. It is so very difficult to battle with yourself. You know you need to change. You tell yourself you do. Then you fight yourself to do it when you try to do it. What a contradiction! And I hate being a hypocrite. But I am.

So I am going to continue to at least try to keep my life and energy evolving in a positive direction. I am going to try to be more like my wife and DO things I say I am going to do even when it is ME that is stopping me from doing them.

So instead of continuing with this blog I will go grade my quarterly assessments and informational reports like I said I would. Then I can do my report cards this week without being in the usual panic I go into 4 times a year.